I am back.
I had some thinking to do.
I am a kind of 'free spirit'.
I don't like rules...or the rules that are there, I like to tweek them till they work for me, Not me work for them....
So when I ran into this brick wall I will dub 'reality'.
You know, the one that showed me that I will always have to fight this with the same intensity I have shown for the last year and then some (two years on may 4th)
I got a little discouraged.
I know I make it sound like it's all pegged.
But every day I have to get up and say 'No'....
No to bread, no to ice cream...no to numbing my feelings.
I did it for so long..nearly fifteen years...that I had a lot of growing to do.
So I had a minor hissy fit.
I really had to ask myself If this was worth the doing for the rest of my life..
I feel so much better.
I am a better example to my children.
I have so much more energy now.
I thought that maybe at some point, I would be able to set this journey on cruise control.
I didn't want my weight or weight loss to define me.
I wanted to struggle, overcome it and move on.
But as a believer in God....
I know that sometimes we define ourselves...and sometimes we are defined.
Just as paul had a thorn in his flesh...it seems that I do too.
This will always define me.
Adn it seems that if I am to take this weight off and keep it off, this will always have to be a top priority.
Or it will come back on.
And that isn't acceptable for me.
My default setting when things get hard or I get upset is to eat.
Like a drunk drinks
or a druggie drugs.
Every day is day 1 year zero in Chrisbodia.
Yesterday is gone,I can't coast on yesterdays victories or drown in a defeat.
Tomorrow isn't here.
Today is all that matters.
I have just wanted to say thank you for all the kind and supportive comments I have recieved.
And also a big thank you to everyone who pours some of themselves out in the comments section of this blog.
It always manages to restore my faith in humanity.
So, Thank you.