Well,
Hi.
lol.
I am back.
I had some thinking to do.
I am a kind of 'free spirit'.
I don't like rules...or the rules that are there, I like to tweek them till they work for me, Not me work for them....
So when I ran into this brick wall I will dub 'reality'.
You know, the one that showed me that I will always have to fight this with the same intensity I have shown for the last year and then some (two years on may 4th)
I got a little discouraged.
I know I make it sound like it's all pegged.
But every day I have to get up and say 'No'....
No to bread, no to ice cream...no to numbing my feelings.
I did it for so long..nearly fifteen years...that I had a lot of growing to do.
So I had a minor hissy fit.
I really had to ask myself If this was worth the doing for the rest of my life..
and yes,
it is.
I feel so much better.
I am a better example to my children.
I have so much more energy now.
I thought that maybe at some point, I would be able to set this journey on cruise control.
I didn't want my weight or weight loss to define me.
I wanted to struggle, overcome it and move on.
But as a believer in God....
I know that sometimes we define ourselves...and sometimes we are defined.
Just as paul had a thorn in his flesh...it seems that I do too.
This will always define me.
Adn it seems that if I am to take this weight off and keep it off, this will always have to be a top priority.
always.
Or it will come back on.
And that isn't acceptable for me.
My default setting when things get hard or I get upset is to eat.
Like a drunk drinks
or a druggie drugs.
Every day is day 1 year zero in Chrisbodia.
Yesterday is gone,I can't coast on yesterdays victories or drown in a defeat.
Tomorrow isn't here.
Today is all that matters.
I have just wanted to say thank you for all the kind and supportive comments I have recieved.
And also a big thank you to everyone who pours some of themselves out in the comments section of this blog.
It always manages to restore my faith in humanity.
So, Thank you.
Hugs.
Chris out.
23 comments:
In the words of AA and Alanon... One Day at a time
and
Do the next right thing
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life...and again, and again, and again! :) Here's a little song to help remind you of your epiphany: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz2L1v7Wkx8
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. You so often inspire me, as one of my biggest blogger role models, and wanted to give you a huge reminder that I appreciate you... especially when a post like this touches my heart. Thank you.
As always, a two way street that we so enjoy sharing with you. Love the insights and reality checks along with sharing in the victories.
This blogging world is an amazing thing and also gives me new hope in humanity as well.
Well, how long have you been at goal? I know that one food addict pal of mine was told that until the weight had been kept off for 5 years, one could not seriously think that things would go on auto-pilot. That's how hard this stuff is. So, it may not get easier for a LOOOONG time, a long time before it habituates and becomes less of a focus/struggle/besetting issue.
I figure I was obese for 21+ years. So, if I have to deal with the tough work for 5 years post goal-weight to enter the real of those who just might make it for their whole life at goal or close to, then that's a lot less than how long I spent fat and really upset and bummed about the fat.
You'll get there. You have drive and heart and faith. Each year I think will see you more in the groove. By year five, you will be sailing on easier seas...maybe it will be a total no-brainer. :)
We can all hope, yes?
I don't know if you listen to the Two Fit Chicks & a Microphone podcast, but the latest episode with Lynn Haraldsen was so relevant to what you're going through. She's maintained for 4 years and it remains hard work. I have no doubt that you can do it though, because I don't think anybody can accuse you of being lazy!
It is good to hear truth that once we reach that "magic number" that we won't get to quit. You've done so incredibly well. I'm glad I have been here to read along your journey.
jodie (biggerthanababyelephant.blogspot.com)
My mother told me once that even people who appear to be the most perfect to us - perfect looks, lives, jobs, etc. - have something they are dealing with. I try to remember that when it feels like I'm in a constant battle that others are not in.
I think recognizing your thorn and realizing what you have to do ultimately makes you a winner Chris!
We have to accept the fact that there is no finish line. It's a trade-off isn't it? We are trading gluttony for health. It shouldn't be a hard choice but it is for us. I think it's at Weight Watchers they say that we trade what we want most for what we want at the moment. Feeling good and being happy - why do we lose sight of those things? I will go to my grave fighting. I too am a Christian and gluttony is a sin. Read Ephesians 5:5. The idolatry must stop. Good job and thanks for being so willing to share your struggles and emotions.
I've just been going through this same thing! Contemplating the fact that this is going to have to continue for SO LONG. Wondering if I'll be able (or even want) to do it. And I've also decided (for today at least) that I can and I will. It makes me feel so much better to know that even bastions of willpower like yourself have these thoughts. Thanks for the post!
This is such an amazing journey. I have realized that I will never stop learning. I will never get to stop doing what's right. Never get to really go my own way. I will always have to focus...focus every day. Do that, I will just get better and better!!
Hang in there. We are with you!! Encouraging you all the way. And I know, when I get to where you are, you will be there for me. I am watching you and learning! Thank you for being a pioneer for me!! You are amazing!!
Keep focused!
Oh thank you Chris for keeping it real. I'm glad I came by today to visit. I have been studying John 5 lately. Jesus asked the man, "do you want to get well?". That is where I'm at today. I'm hitting an all time high and I don't want to die, but then I need to take action. So funny but the word verification I have to type below is "cista", so thanks Sister!!
You always impress me -- I still think that you could give sermons or follow whatever course of study you'd require to get certified in whatever way preachers need to get certified. A lot of the things you say about your life and weight loss can be generalized to other challenges in life.
Lately I have thinking about the similar things. I have new opportunities opening up for me and I'm getting to stretch my brain again. I really don't want my food intake to define me. Unfortunately, it does and always will. When I don't pay attention to IT, the weight pays attention to ME. It's something we have to deal with just as we deal with being short (I remember you being short, I could be wrong here). I just have to remember that
There is a book that I'm working my way through right now... 'The Power Of Now'... and the author urges us to make sure that we live in the moment... that we not worry too much about what has happened... if we aren't happy with what happened in the past, acknowledge it, promise to try to not do that again, forgive ourselves, and move on.
Equally so, we shouldn't worry TOO much about the future... it may never come. Really, all we do have is right now...
I just understand what you have written.
~shoes~
I didn't read yesterday's post, but I am glad you got it all sorted out in your own mind. The reason people are so supportive of you and give so much is because you give so much. What comes around goes around. I like it that it works in a positive way (as well as a negative one). Usually people only use that one in a negative way, but the positive is also true. We love you. Well, I shouldn't speak for everyone. I think that you are amazing and I have come to care for you very much. So, I love you and admire you very much. For your successes, your failures, and most of all your honesty about both.
I'm with the folks that said "time" is what will make things easier. I know for myself the longer I continue, the more things I've become aware of, the less food comforts me, and the more I learn about myself and just how strong I am.
You are a tough cookie for sure Chris so I know you will do this from here on out and yes maybe it does define a part of you but by no means all of you. You have so much more that defines you, that you offer to others and yourself, than your lbs lost. Just keep doing what you're doing and I do believe it will get easier.
Next time you are eating for comfort really think about how it feels, I'm betting like with me it doesn't really comfort you like it use to.
it makes me so sad that you have to work so hard to keep weight off<><>>or witty, or smart, or kind, or insightful
Yep, sometimes it feels easier and sometimes it feels harder, exactly like life, because that's what "it" is...life. Would it be better if we could control which parts will feel easier and which harder? My head says "YES!" But my heart knows what a human longing that desire represents.
Sometimes, during the harder parts, the worst part is struggling to trust that everything changes...even the harder stuff. Friends help. A lot. :)
Good to see you back! You inspire me!
I have the same struggle here in Chrisbodia. Glad to see I am not the only one who wants to find a cruise control sometimes. But even gladder you are back at it! Every day is ground zero, Chris. And if we don't keep fighting, we lose ground. But fighting is better than dying. And trully living involves getting up each day and being present and accounted for. Thank you for being such a great example. I hope one day to catch up with your awesome kick-assed-ness. ♥
Hey, Chris. I don't have time to read the comments, so if I'm redundant--well, sorry, at least this time I have an excuse. :}
I think there are parallel truths here. I think that controlling our food intake will always be a priority. And I think that living life and not having food be the center of our attention will always be a priority.
I don't think that recognizing our propensity to use food inappropriately has to block out everything else. It is just something that we have to always be aware of. :}
You know, like what I wear on a daily basis is not centermost in my thoughts on most days. Let alone every waking hour.
However, it is important that Ido not walk around naked. (shudder)
So, while clothing is a non-issue with me most of the time, that is only because I am always aware of the fact that I MUST GET DRESSED EVERY DAY. Forget that little fact, and go to the grocery store naked and clothing would become a very central issue indeed. (Can you imagine? lol)
Parallel truths. Seem contradictory, but isn't.
Now if I could just get my great thoughts to translate into great weight loss like you have done, I'd be swell. And, let me assure you, fully clothed.
Deb
Christine, I think we all struggle in some way with life. I am glad you so willingly share it with all of us!
Post a Comment