How weight loss is like cleaning your lint trap.

hello all, I am typing this from our downstairs computer....my laptop seems to have hit the heavenly highway. It may be fixable, we'll see. However, if this government shutdown happens..my husband may not be recieving his retirement pay. Does this mean we don't have to pay taxes. ????? Why should we pay taxes to a government that fails to operate. okay.. I a m done. swore I woudn't do this anymore. *confederations of dunces...mutter, mutter, mutter....* anywhoozle. I decided something yesterday. I have been having a hard time having the diet mentality lately. Probably because I am thiiiiiisssss close to normal. I will be doing this for two years on may 4th (official weigh in May 18th). I realized that I have been flipping and flopping all over the place lately because I felt I 'should' be going after a number with all my might. ....fighting for the last 5 pounds to normal. And I am going to get there and lower. But I think I was trying to do it quickly more for 'you'...than for me. Sometimes I think we get caught up in trying to inspire... then what I started this whole thing for...which was to get healthy. I didn't set some sort of time limit on me when I started... I was just hoping to be less fat than when I started. And I am...considerably so. My needs are changing. I need to refocus on my family while holding on to and moving forward with my progress. Last month when I upped my calories I gave myself permission on several occasions to go over my calorie limit. Saying in my head "I will simply hit it hard core next week'. Knowing I could. I have done it for almost two years. Instead I have to learn to develop a new kind of deliberateness about my food intake. 'moderation'. moderation in food. moderation in exercise. But mostly moderation in food. moderation. ack. Not something I have ever excelled at.. like putting the lid back on the toothpaste... or sharpening your mower blades... or thoroughly cleaning your lint trap. Being aware of your food. Being aware of your exercise level. Moderating it daily. It's not particularly exciting. Allowing a higher calorie day once a week, but no blow outs. moderating your higher calorie days...which I have never done before. yeah. This is where the rubber meets the road. Interesting...going back this is what I wrote at the beginning (about a month in) to my journey... June 5th, 2009 " I need to feel as normal as possible and I need to make this a normal part of my life. That means "splurge days" will have to be replaced with eating a slightly higher calorie day two or three days out of every month. I will start this part of the process around month six or seven. Right now, psychologically, I need a "splurge" day. In time I think I can move to eating foods I love in moderation and begin to incorporate the higher calorie items in with my new mostly healthy choices. we will see." I think I knew from the get go...and, I have resisted all along, any sort of quick fix mentality. The quick fix mentality was a prime suspect in all previous dieting failures. I wanted this time to be the last time. So if it comes off at 2 pounds a month... WHAT DOES IT MATTER. So long as it doesn't come ON at two pounds a month. I am healthy...now it's just a matter of degrees. The thin beige line. lmao. And a good friend and frequent reader...mr. putz..was afraid I would give up eating. You know, I had a while there where I still felt fat. In fact I had it yesterday...which was why I took a picture and put it on my facebook page. I think you can get so obsessed with an image in your head that you can go off the other edge. anorexia or bulimia. At some point, being healthy, but not perfect has got to be okay. So...I will get there. by moderating my eating. By exercising six days a week and resting on the seventh. By being consistent. btw. I cleaned my lint trap in my dryer today....with a toothbrush. Have a great night guys! Chris out.