And the hits just keep on coming now it is "Glad I have a husband"

My car won't start.
I bought a battery charger and that isn't it..
It is dead.
on the upside...I walked/jogged 2.5 miles today.
and I have only consumed 896 calories...because I am sick to my stomach.

I don't really want to talk....
screw today.
Chris out.

My husband came home and fiddled under the hood with some wiring and viola!
it started.
For tonight...men are superior...the whole thing turns into a pumpkin tomorrow when my husband can't find his socks.

Just sayin'.
Chris out

two miles...watch out world. lol

well, I am feeling even better...still getting tired out pretty easy...but doing better.
I took a two mile walk today.
At first I thought it may be too much but took my camera to take some pics and felt better while I did that.
I even took a picture of the big dog that barks at me on all my outside walks.
He doesn't feel threatening...just curious.
I keep trying to upload a pic and it just won't go through...it really is irritating.
some days are better than others with the pictures.

I will get it loaded as soon as blogger allows me.

Tomorrow I know will be a back to the gym day and a logging the food day.
I am not the only with with issues getting over this stupid cold/flu/plague thing.
It is taking.for.e.v.e.r.
Tomorrow it's back otk.
I am glad I don't have tv.
Just sayin'
If I knew the actual state of t he world up to the minute I would probably be gravely concerned.
as it is, I will deal with sticker shock at the pump and pray for no mushroom clouds on the horizon.
Have a good one guys.
chris out.

when one mile feels like ten and new art.

Hey all,
back to the gym for a one mile walk and 50 sit ups.
What a month.
That one mile walk was tiring...I hacked and sniffled...but got it done.
The sit ups were nothing like usual.
I will be going for 30 minutes on the elliptical tomorrow, and back to basic food tomorrow.

I am ready to feel lean and mean again.

Today I worked on a tonal study of Secretariat.
I watched the movie last night and wanted to draw him...
But hadn't really sat down to draw a still life or portrait in...?years?
all you artists will know what I am talking about..
You wonder if you have 'lost your touch'.
I found I still had mine.
I feel more confident after having done something studious and not just fun.



So this was 2H, B, 2B and 6B on 70 lb paper 115 gsm. light tooth....which I love...

I wanted to work on recognizing mid tones vs light and dark tones and transitions while still paying attention to form...and overall tonal quality.
This was just a quick study..as you can see I focused mainly in the face with the mid tones and tried to incorporate darker tones and values to make it pop.

I am doing two or three days of technical work and two or three days of fun art...Tuesday I would like to do on location sketching...which is both really....I am actually having a lot of fun with the technical aspects now...when I was younger, not so much.
With age comes patience and an appreciation for technical skills.

So this is finished...it isn't meant to be a piece...simply a study.

Tomorrow it will be back to the gym for a heavier workout and I will start logging my food because I have been off for a bout a week now.
I can feel myself getting flabby...
Want to get that back under control and unlike Charlie Sheen...can't simply 'cure' my food issues with the power of my mind...so accountability will have to do.
lol.
Have a great night...
Hugs,
Chris

sick and tired-and when one paranoid freak interviews another paranoid freak

of being sick and tired...

day four and I am tired of being sick.
It's pretty much over but for the phlegm.
I wanted to go and try to do a one mile walk at the gym, but just getting in the car and sitting to watch my husband get his hair cut tired me out.

I will be better by sunday no doubt.
I still have cookies to deliver.

oh,
and for a bit of zen...
What happens when crazy meets EVEN CRAZIER...
FOR your viewing pleasure..
Alex "bieber" Jones meets Charlie "AA is a cult for sissies" Sheen...
also known as "the interview that got Charlie fired"

enjoy....



and yes...you are the dude with his guts strapped in begging for water charlie...
whenever anyone says "trust me"...or makes a point to say what they AREN'T
you can bet your sweet bippy...
That is exactly what they ARE.
I will see you tomorrow...
so for now..
I am fueling my battle cry..
Chris out.

the sickout of 2011-Day 2...sorry jack

Hello all, today was my second day of serious illness...in which I broke my jack lalanne every day till may exercise pledge. I did manage to get vertical long enough to do dishes and make chicken soup....but that was it.
I don't know what this is, but it's bad.
I haveit. My oldest has it, and my youngest has it...and we were all in bed today.
I haven't been counting calories...just eating what was soft.
I feel flabby.
lol.
I had a crap workout the day before yesterday because I locked my keys in the car at the gym and had to be rescued and the gym closed early..
yesterday I got a token walk in and today I did nothing but sleep and pray this would end.
I haven't been this sick since the year tilda swinton wore a garbage bag to the oscars...hold on and let me find that.



2009...
you may wonder why I remember this.
Well, that was a particularly brutal illness...and we were all watching the oscars as a family (I can't remember why now) and this one came out...this dress...and as I gazed through the fog of my pounding head and lowered lids I muttered:
Why is that pasty man wearing a garbage bag?
and was informed that she was the ice queen from Narnia...duh...
then I wished in the privacy of my own mind that someone would take and dump me at the hospital so I could be alone in a quiet room,

So...this is not as bad as that, but pretty bad.
Hope you all are faring better than I.
Have a great night..
Hopefully we be fully on the road to recovery tomorrow.
Chris out.

captain obvious- The Beiber edition

Captain obvious is bitter...promised a promotion, my superiors have not come through...but I shall endeavor to perservere.

I am here to warn you of a great danger...

Justin beiber.

Chris is hacking like a harp seal and has apparently caught some sort of 'virus'.
She states she will be walking the block as a show of intent to keep her every day till may promise..
But she simply doesn't feel up to blogging..or even talking...and is currently inhaling vapor steam and vicks...

So, Captain Obvious was perusing the internet (which is fascinating) When he happened to stumble across a website that seems to have the inside scoop on "THEM'.
shhhhhh

They control the world....in fact, "THEY' may be reading this right.now....

This Alex Jones knows "people' who know things about the globalist cabal and their intent to rule the world from their super duper secret fortress that is apparently called "BOHEMIAN GROVE'.
And their front man....their public face...
JUSTIN BEIBER.

Sure he looks harmless..
But is he...really....

Watch this If you dare:



Justin Beiber.....Pure evil and globalist pawn..


Beware..
Obviously Done,
Captain Out.

Bloggy break..

will be back on Tuesday...I have a ton of stuff to do...
Hope all is well in your world.
Have a good one..
signing off
Chris

oh...and something to keep you amused while i am away....you have to watch all the way through.
I watch most days just to get a good laugh in..

Where the control LIES...and clarification...

Hey guys..
So, I am on my new forever plan...
I feel I may have been unclear as regards my intake and outflow.
So, let me clarify.
To maintain 135 pounds...and I could do all the math in the world..
I simply add a zero.
and you can take whatever calculations you want, add it up and it will spit out about that number.
I know, I have done it.

Then I add my calories.
some people were concerned I was over estimating my caloric burn at the gym.
That 3000 calorie burn level is conservative.
that would be a 600/400 pattern
I change up my routine ever 3 months to adjust for my body getting used to a routine.
Which is actually a quicker cycling than most recommend.
right now I am doing 1 hour elliptical...140 situps and upper body weights..
I am only counting my elliptical burn which usually comes in around 700...but I give myself 600.
I go aout 5.6 miles on the elliptical..so even if I had walked it..it would 100 calories per mile not counting the resistance which is usually around a six.
Then on the other days....I do a two mile walk, two mile jog and my situps and stretching which comes in at 400 calories burned.
So...
a six day pattern is 3000 calories.
I won't be counting my 300 calorie 3 mile walk on sundays to finish out my everyday till may promise.
Now...
I have been spot on with this calorie count exercise burn thing from the get go...
actually I have been conservative, because when I am spot on, I lose faster than my calculations would suggest...
Why?
Because I don't take into account the house cleaning, yard work and grocery shopping et al that I do day in and day out.
Now on to my plan for life.
1350 plus calories accumulated due to exercise.
My plan is to eat 1600 calories per day.
and 'bank' the rest for when I want a higher calorie day...which will probably be on Sundays.
so to be specific....
M-Tue-Wed-Th-F-S -S will be a minimum of 1600 calories a day....
This would be dreadful if i were not exercising...To maintain 135 pounds on that schedule I would only have to do three days of ellipticaling...I have created a 1450 calorie excess (250 calorie per day excess) by eating 1600 calories which I will have to BURN OFF If I don't want to regain....three days of ellipticalling (1800 calories will cover the 1450 calorie excess) will take care of 7 days of 1600 calories and then some...
You could do this as well with 7 days of 2.5 mile walks as well....

This number of calories is doable.
But I would like an occassional meal out, or special family dinner...
That is where the other 1200 calories of walking/running comes in...
I will probably bank them all through the week and spend them on a saturday or a sunday when i want to go out..
Or bank them for two weeks for a restaurant meal and movie with no counting and no guilt.
If I find I am losing beyond my goal weight I have the option of upping my calories.
If I am not losing any weight...Or heaven forbid...gaining weight...
(which I don't think will happen)
It is better to find out now and adjust than get to 132 and become upset because my big plan isn't working.
I will post my weight under my name on March first..
I will do a blurb daily of calories consumed..calories expended and how much i have in my daily calorie bank and trust..
I will fill you in on how it feels...how hungry or not hungry I am....what meals I am making now for my family..and how I am integrating maintenance into my life...

Now,
As for my last post...I hope I didn't give the impression that somehow My life changed and therefore I changed.
It was the exact opposite.
And that is the drum I have been beating since I started this blog.
Everything in my life has the same components...
I am married to the same man,
Same house...less money...
I have the same kids...same responsibilities...same stressors...
except for the stressors I removed.
The ones that were keeping me from doing what I needed to do and becoming who I wanted to become.
For instance...
boundaries.
I drew some.
If you don't have boundaries, then anybody can invade your space at any time and in any circumstance.
If you don't have rules about how you want to be treated...
you won't know when to hit the flush button on certain people.
Now there are some people you just can't flush...I get that.
But if you clean up the other aspects of you life...It makes it A LOT easier to deal with the one or two aspects you can not get rid of.
For some reason I thought it was my job to make everyone's life easier.
I had to be useful.
Now there is nothing wrong with being useful and helping people...but doing it at the expense of your life and your health is wrong.
What use will you be dead?
none.
The thing that changed that needed to change was ME.
When I changed how I dealt with the world, how I viewed it and my place in it...and when I clarified what I wanted and went after it..

The world didn't change...
MY WORLD CHANGED...
Because I CHANGED.

If I had waited for my life to come together I would still be sitting in a messy house, 130 pounds overweight, miserable, blaming my childhood, my husband, my circumstances for the state I was in...
So if I am HERE NOW.
What changed?!
ME.
The control lies with me.
and you.
will the world ever be perfect?
NO.
Only you can control how you approach it. How you interact and what you make of it.
That is the difference.
Have a great night guys,
Chris out.

I am whole

Hello,
I wanted to write this last night, but felt it was too important to write while tired.
I started this weight loss journey nearly two years ago.
Before that I had done quite a bit of work on myself....but a lot of the work I had left to do had to be done while losing the weight.
Because some things can't be fixed until you know they are there.
Before I started losing weight I worked on confrontation, and who I thought I was, versus who God thought I was.
I had to work on what I did or did not control...
I had to figure out what I wanted.
I did that.
It improved my marriage.
It improved my relationships with my friends and family.
I stopped going in circles.
At that point, my house was a mess.
I know this sounds unrelated...but it really isn't.
I think a confused home is a product of a confused mind.
If you have twenty or thirty different hobbies going on..
If you can't decide what kind of clothing style or hair style you like...
If you can't decide anything without it taking two hours...
then you may need to sit down and start asking yourself some questions.
I did...
I had gotten so far down that I couldn't even tell you my favorite color...
(delft blue)
Although I like all colors immensely.
Or what kind of clothes I like....(pretty preppy)
So, once I figured out what I wanted out of relationships and people I had to figure out what I wanted out of me.
Because you draw relationships to you based on your view of yourself.
And it wasn't to be morbidly obese...
And it wasn't to be "only a mom"..
You see, at one point I thought.."I blew it'
I have nothing more to offer....So now I need to focus on my kids.
I need to get my kids grown and get my kids what THEY want.
My life is basically over.

But one day I looked up and said
It ain't over till ...lol.
the fat lady sings.
and I ain't singing.
I was too smart to be this fat.
If all these other women could be skinny, so could I.
And so I began.
And when I started I thought it was about the fat, and now I realize the fat was a symptom.
I released fears I didn't know were down there.
Fears about whether or not I was lovable.
It released anger I had pushed down.
Anger I thought that I had let go of, when In reality...I had simply eaten it.
A few months into this journey...that strange feeling I always had..
that I wasn't really inhabiting my body.
That I was floating around outside of it...
That feeling was gone.
Now,
I was in my body..but battling my body.
I wasn't together yet.
I had let my relationship with God slip the first year I was losing the weight.
It took all the energy I had to battle my body.
That year...Christmas snuck up on me...birthdays..every holiday..
Because I had my nose so close to the ground.
I was staring at TODAY.
I didn't look at tomorrow.
It's what got me through.
And the decision I made a long time ago...
the decision to allow any issue I had to come up...
and I would face it.
That is what helped me make it through.
I didn't shove those issues back down.
I faced them.
I fixed them
I forgot them.
Because I wanted this time to be the last time.
I don't want to waste any more of my life on bullsh*t.
Unresolved issues=bullsh*t
Then I went back to Church.
I found one.
It is good.
I am reconnecting with God...or I should say God is reconnecting with me.
That is a huge third leg on my stool.
God has always been there...He has held on to me even when I wasn't holding on to him.
And recently
My art...
I forgot how peaceful I felt as I drew.
Now I remembered why In high school I never felt the need for anyone.
When I draw I feel complete.
Last night I went out and bought cork board for my wall.
So I can pin up works in progress and pictures and ideas.
My workspace is complete.
And I realized that for me, it's not the weight anymore.
I could care less If I am fashion model skinny.
Or if I have pert tits.
Or if anyone ever thinks I am 'hot'.
I don't care.
I never did.
For me it was about becoming whole.
I have filled in the pits left by a crappy childhood.
I have recovered the bits of my spirit killed by evil people.
Through God's grace..
and I have stopped abusing my body with food and have learned to love myself.
I have everything I want.
So...
I am moving to maintenance calories for 135 lbs.
1350 plus whatever I burn in exercise.
I will post on my efforts at maintenance.
I will tell you how it feels.
I am 144 so I expect more weight to come off..I am just not all verklempt about the rate at which it comes off.
I want to focus on learning how to eat and live in my new body.
How to balance my family and what and how eating and exercise is going to look like from here on out.
Because I am not a number.
I am a person.
I am healthy.
and I am whole.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
chris

It's finished....and ellipticals.

well, it's done.
I added a fixative and am calling it a day..the next thing I will be working on is doing sketches on scene...I used to do this a long time ago...
go out and do quick sketches so I can get used to it again.
do some still lifes..
reacquaint myself with hand eye...drawing what I see..and enlarging my visual library...
It will make my imaginary world larger.

and today I did the elliptical.
all ellipticals are not equal.
I like mine and hate-hate-hate the ones that are partially aided by electricity.
I also don't like the ones that don't elevate or lower..or ones you can't go backwards on..
so...
I like my precor that reminds me of a star wars machine. (700 calories burned)
I did my situps today..
and my upper body weights..
and 30 PUSHUPS.
YEAH!
I run tomorrow...I am actually looking forward to it.
Hope you all had a great night.
big hugs.
Chris

headaches...and where ideas come from

Do I have one.
Yes..
well, I did..
I ate cookies yesterday..samoas to be exact.
I thought that was the cause of my headache and body aches today.
But as I was walking on post (all I could muster through my pounding head)
I realized that my ill feeling was a direct result of an upper respiratory infection and a sinus headache.
so 2.8 miles walked.
I then stopped at the px and picked up mineral spirits..
What for?
My art.
I was reading a colored pencil book yesterday and she uses mineral spirits and Q tips to blend her colored pencil.
Apparently this creates a kind of color wash effect.
I am NOT going to try it on my current picture because I have NO idea what sort of effects it affects. lol.
In other words, I am NOT screwing around with the end results..
I am nearly finished...I am done with the wings and just have some touching up to do on the moon and the sky and then will post pictures either Tomorrow or Friday.
And Robin asked where I got the idea for this picture..
same place I get all my ideas..
from my wee skull.
I got a lot of strange things floating around in there...
We will see what pops out.
I get most of my ideas by being out amongst people.
I find people fascinating.
I could watch them for hours.
People, architecture...music, color, space....all fertile ground for ideas.
I draw strange things because I find a lot of reality incredibly boring and or beige...like a denim jumper.
So I like to spice it up a bit.
so I Add some imaginary creatures...add items that don't exist...
put in colors that probably aren't there...
and life is suddenly much more exciting.
Lol.
I want to get to the point where I am doing a kind of realistic fantasy thing..
integrating the fantastical into everyday pictures until it takes a moment to really see what it is you are seeing.
love that kind of stuff...
my friend mary ellen pointed out that I never do landscapes...and that is why...it's boring.
But if I can find a way to do landscapes the 'me' way...then I will.
The only other kind of drawing I like is drawing ugly things...things that nobody notices but become interesting in their own kind of utilitarian fashion.
Things like factories and grain silos.
I like to draw slums and homeless people. Things, instances and people noone notices.
These are usually the things with the most intensity.
One of my favorite places to go and look is the gravel pit and foundry across the road from a trailer park.
It is very stark.
I like it there....I think it would be an interesting pastel or pen and ink* (probably this) drawing.
or series of drawings.
Kind of like monet's haystacks...only it would be Chris's foundry.

but till then I will keep trying to get better...
build my visual library.
So...will sign off now.
I am going to have a hot bath and go to sleep.
Have a good one!
Hugs,
Chris

heydy....picture update and everything else...

Hey guys..

I did a 3 mile walk today..
tomorrow is the gym...
for people new to my blog...this last week has been unusual.
I am usually droning on and on about my workouts and eating habits...
so, this coming month we will be back to that and probably up through may..
And I will always blog about my workouts and such, but I intend to start making a shift.
I won't be talking about my weight a lot after May 18th...
I think I will do what roxie does, which is to simply post my weight under my name.
That will keep me accountable.
I will still talk about the gym, and eating well....
But...
I intend to start living my life the way I should have been...and art is going to be a huge part of that.
I will leave up what I did, how I did it...all my archives...
But,
That is why I didn't name this blog 262, or walking away the pounds...because I knew from the get go that the weight was just one part of the puzzle...
That what I wanted to do was bigger.
So, I feel I should warn you...in a month or two the tone of this blog is going to shift and I will be working on finding a balance between eating maintenance calories, working out, my family and my art.
So If You don't like reading about my art, or my family or my attempts at balancing a healthy life...You may want to follow another blog.
I blog for me...I like that people want to read, I enjoy the interaction.

But this whole journey has been to get me to this point...right here.
It has been a natural progression.
I couldn't stay in weight loss mode forever...sooner or later I was going to reach healthy..
I am pretty much there.
If you are looking for a strict weight loss blog, this aint it anymore..
you may want to look for greener pastures.
Everyone else who is prepared to be bored at my artistic attempts while I leap into life as a healthy person..
well, here I go.
On that note:
here's an update on my new picture..the last four are the progress pics...so, 6-9....

Personalize a free slideshow

if you want to skip.

I am keeping it short tonight..
as for last night.
He was happy ;o)
oh...and I think I have found my theme song for this journey...

it's the song you are hearing now..
mumford and sons...I believe MR. Putz called it strange...
and it is a little...but it's me, so what can you expect.

here are the lyrics
The cave

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Have a great night guys...
Hugs
Chris

Back to the gym! and celebrating Valentines day...

Yeah!
lol.
I had a good workout.
I burned 570 calories on the elliptical.
did 28 pushups, 150 situps...stretched
and then did upper body weights.
Cheese and I don't agree so i will be ditching it for a while.
It makes me feel bloated.
lovely.
lol.

I got my husband a card tonight and a dark chocolate bar..and I am making him his favorite soup which I will be serving to him while I wear


Something similar to this.
He gets off work at midnight..so the kids will be in bed and we will be alone.

You may ask why I am sharing this since I never share anything like this..
well, besides the fact that that is all I'll be sharing lol....
um,
As you know, my husband and I had some rough times over the course of our marriage,
and at one point in time I pretty much laid all our ills at his feet.
Until he said something that made me stop and really think.
I was banging on him because he was always miserable.
Well, I pop off with a smart comment about how even if I was thin and the house was spotless he wouldn't be happy.
And he said
I wouldn't know, It's never happened.
bam!
bullseye..
Not that the house had never been spotless...
Or that I had never been thin..
But the thin window was pretty narrow....
So those two had never happened at the same time.
Now I am not saying that for him to be happy I have to be thin and the house has to be spotless.

But after tonight he will never be able to say it again.
And...
we will see how happy it makes him.
lol.
I hope you all are having a great Valentines day, whether you are with someone or alone.
Treat yourselves well!
Hugs,
Chris

Inspirational music Sunday for Robin

I thought I would do a video for Robin over at your daily dose....since she doesn't feel like it, and is always doing it for me...
here you go...
I think you will like it. Especially after your bowling party.

found my art mojo...and a busy busy day.

hey guys.
I had a good day art wise..
a meh day exercise wise.
I walked a mile and did 25 situps...If that sounds half hearted, it's cause it was.
On the up side..
I
went to church
went to the bank
went clothes shopping
went food shopping
walked and did the situps
looked at cars I might want to buy
went home and unloaded groceries
picked up girl scout cookies for delivery
made dinner
did dishes
and am currently drawing the background for my picture..
oh,
and I planned out the curriculum for the week and balanced my checkbook.
tomorrow it's back to the gym for a great workout.
I should be finished with my angel picture by wednesday.
It's going really well...very smoothly..
and all because I laid out a frame work before starting..
giving me freedom from within the design to play around with color.
kind of like capping your calories at 1500 and doing an hour of exercise 6 days a week.
within that framework you have a ton of room to play around with food and activity.
hah! way to tie it in to dieting.
lol.
Have a great night.
Chris out.

partially completed drawing

Personalize a digital slideshow

Drawing

can't.blog.right.now.
am drawing.
will post picture tomorrow.
I jogged today at home..
1.5 mile walk
1.5 mile jog.
was just going to walk but wanted to hurry up.
Have a good one.
Chris out.

Hope

Hey,
I had a good day.
I did my elliptical workout...and burned around 650 calories.
I ate around 1550...so a 550 calorie deficit..which isn't too bad.
I did 26 push-ups and was rather surprised that I did.
I don't know why I was surprised...
I also had to up my weights on the weight machine.
I did 60 pound flys tonight
because when I did 55, I didn't feel anything.

I think the pushups along with the weights are really making me stronger.
The only thing still at 55 lbs is my triceps.
I don't really want big triceps.
I did my situps...which really seem to be averaging around 140.
I do 50 regular situps, 50 lower abdominal lifts with my legs and then 20 obliques each side..
which is 140.
I found a line running faintly down the middle of my stomach a few days back....
which is kind of cool.
But when I was doing pushups today I saw my skin pushing my shirt out...
There is nothing I can do about the extra skin.
I do have it.
It's noticeable but not terrible.
I am sure it will always be loose.
I will just do what I can.
Someone asked me if I look at myself and how I have lost 100 lbs and if I take the time to feel good about it.
It is really strange...but I feel now as if I have always been this way.
YOu know how you feel you have always been fat.
I now forget what it is like (except in that distant memory kind of way) what it felt like to move around in a larger body.
You may think it's impossible, but it isn't.
It is possible to go from being morbidly obese...
feeling as if you always have been and always will be fat.
To being thin...and feeling as if you have always been thin.

Today I was thinking about one of my favorite movies...
Shawshank Redemption.
Kate and I were trying to figure out why it's our number 1 movie on our top 100 list.
It's such a simple little story.
I knew why, but I like to get her to figure it out.
I said...when you think of it, what do you remember.
She says "The part where Red is riding the bus"
I say
Why...
She says "because he is leaving for something better?"
lol.
She knows I am digging for something.
I say
"What did he have then, that he didn't have before?"
"What did Andy have as he tunneled for years..taking dust out into the prison yard in his pant cuffs?"
What did they all struggle to hold on to, when they were being treated like animals..

She said
"Hope."
I said
"YES!"

It's the reason I love schindler's list...because he gave people life, and therefore hope.
V for vendetta...he brought down a dictatorship and gave people Hope.

Hope is really all we have.
when You lose hope, you lose everything.
Hoping isn't wishing.
Wishing is sitting and daydreaming.
Hoping is keeping the faith while doing.
Without hope, you don't even begin, because what is the purpose?
When I hear someone say It's 'hopeless'...
I know they have created a self fulfilling prophecy.

When I began, I started by capping my calories...and walking.
I had no proof my plan would work for me, because I had never tried that plan.
But I did hope it would.
I began by doing, and by hoping.
Without hope, I would still be fat.
I hope to instill that HOPE in others...
A belief that they can...That they are able, no matter how many times they have tried and failed.
Failure is not defeat.
It is simply what happens sometimes.
It is a singular instance.
not a perpetual certainty.
It's not your destiny.
You make your destiny.

I know you can do this.
I hope you do too.
I hope that you have
HOPE.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
and best wishes.
chris

a picture of me in the dress and my workout

Hey all, here is a picture of the dress and me in it, obviously.
This is after my shower and my hair isn't done and I only have eyeliner and lip liner on....but oh well.
I was all duded up last night. Put my workout outfit hair on top of my head and there you have it.
lol
I did my workout today.
I did a two mile walk and a two mile jog.
I also did 140 situps.
my calories are sitting at 1250 and I may or may not eat..we'll see.
1500 is my cap.
I am going to keep this short...I have a picture to work on.
I have my final preliminary sketch done, I just have to transfer it to my 'good' paper.
When I do, I will put a picture of it up here.
I am kind of excited about it but am trying to do my best with this picture and take it step by step...
I already have my color palette picked and my composition is set.

Hope you all have a good night and are doing well.
Hugs,
Chris

fun night out.

oh, I ate maintenance calories tonight but it was worth it.
I went to the gym and did my workout and burned 600 calories.
Then I hurried home and got ready for a date with my husband.
I took him to see true grit because I loved it so much and knew he would too.
And he did.
I got to get all dressed up to look hot for my husband.
It felt great.
For years I dressed in frumpy clothes and secretly wondered if people were puzzled that my big, handsome husband had ended up with me, a frumpy..morbidly obese woman

tonight I dressed in a purple form fitting dress.
My husband said I looked good. (o;
lol.
I earned every single calorie I ate tonight and while I won't be losing weight tonight, I won't be gaining any either.
It feels good to have earned my calories and it feels good to have earned my body.
Everything about tonight felt good.
It is worth it to lose the weight.
It gives you confidence in yourself, and tonight...
instead of worrying about what other people thought.
I was confident that I looked nice.
Tomorrow it's back to weight loss portions.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.

Captain obvious writes about crap He finds interesting/irritating

okay,
chris is drawing...so she let me do this one.
I told her she is malingering...but she gave me the bird so here I am.

Captain obvious has nothing to say really...so the rest will simply be brain farts from a bored individual.

Captain obvious hates people who speak about themselves in the third person.
As if they are too important to NOT refer to themselves...



as if, much like staring into the sun itself...they must deflect their greatness in a verbal mirror so as not to blind us.

moving on...
referring to anyone as a nazi.
There was only one group of people evil enough to be called nazis...
And that was
The Nazis.
Any further reference to anyone being "nazi like" other than Nazis by anyone in any political party-or any news show- should henceforth result in painful consequences involving nipple clamps and car batteries.
And if you don't agree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.

Captain obvious finds a lot of music these days to be irritating.
Captain obvious knows he is speaking about himself in the third person, but thinks you should ignore it and pay attention.

Captain obvious loathes Ke$ha....(this IS how it's spelled)
Captain obvious asked Chris's oldest daughter why Ke$ha could not just sing "I'm a whore, I'm a whore, I'm a whore"...
Kate stated that they couldn't find a way to make it catchy.
Captain obvious has no idea how this talentless tart achieved a record contract, but doubts it was her musical ability that vaulted her to the top of the business if you know what I am saying.
Captain obvious also hates snarky allusions, but like all good hypocrites he gives himself a pass when the situation merits.
(Lebron states that lebron would mute Ke$ha to hear lebron speak)

Captain obvious's top 12 movies (because top 10 lists are too cliche):

1.) Shaw shank Redemption
2.) Schindler's list
3.) V for Vendetta
4.) True Grit 2010
5.) We were soldiers
6.) The Count of Monte Cristo
7.) The sound of Music
8.) Dead Poets Society
9.) One True thing
10.) The Game
11.) It's a wonderful life
12.) Gettysburg

Captain Obvious's top ten items on his bucket lists...
(Since Bucket lists are too cliche to not use a top ten list.)

1.) Visit Spain
2.) Visit greece
3.) Learn to flamenco
4.) See Chris's Children succeed in life
5.) Illustrate a book
6.) Read War and Peace (not really,but I have to fill out this list)
7.) Try jellied eel
8.) attempt to sneak from mexico into the united states.
9.) fill a closet with nothing but jelly beans.
10.) become dictator of a small foreign nation.

Well, Captain obvious is tired of being Captain obvious.
It's a strain.
I would like to be General (ly) obvious.
Greatness cannot be restrained...so I am trading up...
You may find me at greater blogs in the future.
I can't be emotional about this decision...
Captain obvious has to do what's best for Captain obvious...
chris will have to understand.
obviously done,
Captain out.

(Captain obvious would like to report that Chris did some yoga..whatever hippy crap that is.)

malingering...and a special blog post.

Hope you don't mind, but I don't feel like it...so I will let my friend mary do the speaking for me.
Mary and I have wonderful conversations.
And this post was a part of one of those conversations.
She is smart and funny, but she is also extremely concise...and this post is very to the point.
We were talking about the age of 17...
How you are caught between knowing everything and knowing nothing....

Here it is..with her permission.
Mary writes:

Okay, 17 might not've QUITE been that bad, but it really did suck to feel so unsure about everything, yet put on the bravado like one who knew what she was doing, thinking, feeling.
If I did go back, I'd do some things differently food and exercise-wise.
I wouldn't quite be the hermit-in-a-cave that I was at home.
Granted, I've had a lot more time to get over some things * item redacted* than I did then--time does help some with the big stuff.
Other than those things, though, I don't think I'd change anything. My friends were the most authentic people *item redacted to protect the not so innocent* could manage. ;)
The world wasn't ready for me to go to the prom with a date I actually wanted (I never did go to a prom--I always did hate frilly dresses).

My major changes would've been in college and after. I would've done more things that I was afraid to try (like my spur of the moment decision to apply for the India Fellowship--that was something I thought about for 2 years before I tried it). I would've applied for the Peace Corps or AmeriCorps after graduation like I wanted, rather than worrying about how Mom and Dad would feel. In short, I would've lived my life for me, not for them. Oh, and when I was 30 I wouldn't run into a Jeep Cherokee and mangle myself. lol

Alas, we don't get to go back and rewrite our histories. There are no do-overs in life. Still, our histories are a part of us. They made us who we are at this particular moment of our lives. We must not use the past as an anchor to weigh us down, but rather as a base to launch ourselves forward to the people we truly are.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Spiritually.

If there's one thing I've actually learned in this lifetime (for Shirley Maclaine), one cannot "hold off" being oneself until later without some major repercussions. In my case, it's about 200 pounds of fat, rampant insomnia, and prescriptions for blood pressure pills and antidepressants. It's a world without love or sex or even (especially) feeling. It's a life that is forfeit--a life not LIVED.

There, how's that for an inspiration speech (the last paragraph, anyway)?

I think it did very well as an inspirational speech.

I think I slipped into writing a blog instead of an email.
(she did and if you all could convince her to start her own you would never be disappointed)

lol If it meets your standards, feel free to use it on a night you don't feel like writing
(That would be tonight)

--you can get your art on instead. :)
(or spend a couple hundred on space heaters and spend the rest of the night placing them around my house)

Good night all,
Oh, got my run and walk in...400 calories burned..yah.hoo.
lol.
chris out.

seventeen

Hello,
just wanted to first type out that I did my workout yesterday and then only did a half mile walk today...but it constitutes exercise...so my streak is intact...it is, in fact, my cheat meal day so obviously my calories were above and beyond.
I ran out of time today.
But the best part of today was that it was my oldest daughter's birthday.
She turned 17.
Time goes fast.
she had a few friends over.
They watched Taken with liam neeson and then ate and then watched anime and then mocked old star trek episodes which admittedly looked like fun.
I tried to stay upstairs and let them have fun.
they are all good kids.
I made her a cake with a picture of the earth on it...which isn't easy.
It may seem simple, but sculpting continents out of frosting is not easy.
Kate wants to visit every country in the world...
hence a picture of the globe.
Then I made her spaetzle.
a german noodle.
you make the dough and drop it into boiling water..
This is where those kooky germans usually stop...plating it and putting some gravy on top.
Not I...
We like to fry ours in butter until it's golden and crispy.
God bless america.
There isn't anything we can't take and make more fattening.
Kate loves this and it's a tradition in our house to make the kids whatever they want for dinner on their birthday.
Something akin to a last meal on death row. lol.
anywhoozle.
I don't have tv and so didn't watch the superbowl.
I hear that the gal who sung it muffed it,
and that the rest of the game was a blowout.
*I have been corrected...not a blowout, a 3 point loss..
*and correction again, neither Deb nor I were correct..it was a 6 point loss, and considering they were down 21-3 in the first quarter...I am going back to blow out.
next sentence still stands.
But I have to say to that ben guy who gets his jollies abusing women..
karma is a witch.
Chris out.

muscle failure

It's all coming back to me now...
lol,
muscle failure...
okay first things first.
really good with the calories today..
Ever since I instituted my 'no sugar in the coffee' rule..I use splenda
A.) I have been less hungry.
B.) I have saved a buttload of calories which I can now apply to food.
C.) I haven't missed it..and that is really key.

I wish I 'd done it sooner.
So I went to the gym..I think I've said before I should just live there...lol.
And I worked out..
Today was 1mile walk, 1mile jog, 1 mile walk, 1mile jog jog....
So I go in and start with the pushups...today I squeezed out 23.
That was good.
Then I did my situps..
now let me just say...a half hour before going to work out..I did NOT want to work out.
at all.
no compunction whatsoever..but when i get like this I say to myself.
'That is how olympic athletes do it, they do it...like breathing.'
It's not optional.
So I go.
I am in training.
So I did 60 situps of varying kinds.
AFter i completed my 23 pushups.
If I do my sit ups first, it makes the pushups harder.
Then I go and walk a mile and then jog a mile.
I jog to boys of summer by Don Henley.
For some reason it is the perfect pace for me.
Plus it reminds me of Tigers baseball and Detroit.

after my first 1/1 I go down and do upper body weights..
lat pulls (3x15 @ 60 lbs)...triceps...(3x15@55lbs) lower back extensions (3x15@ 55 lbs)
and flys (3x15 @ 55 lbs)
These were hard because of the pushups.
on my second 1/1 the run was hard because I was tired..but I pushed through..and as I got through my last lap I remembered something.
I remembered how we 'improved our push-up'
We would go to muscle failure.
light dawns.
So I decide to go down after my workout and do push-ups till I face plant into the matt.
I do 10 and face plant into the mat...
I do four more and face plant.
3 more...and this time I face plant into a little pile of drool.
which causes me to begin laughing uncontrollably.
2 more and then one final humiliating pushup while grunting and nearly peeing myself....

after which I couldn't lift my arms above my head for the next hour or so..
tomorrow is simply elliptical day so I will burn calories and rest my arms...but will still do the 120 situps.
In the mornings I seem to be weighing in at 145...and at night 145.5.
Which is awesome.
As for hunger...up till yesterday I was really hungry all.day.long.
But it's better now.
I had a 6 inch black forest ham sandwich from subway with sour cream and chive baked lays and a diet coke.
It was an awesome dinner and I ate it in under 10 minutes. lol.
I am sitting at 1470 for the day...YAY!
So, on track..
I will try to be more philosophical tomorrow.
hugs,
Chris

working out with hubby and blood pressure.

I checked my workout schedule and it wasn't a run day, it was a three mile walk and stretch day.
This is technically my 'rest' day.
It was hard to do after yesterday.
I wanted to go in and push and drop some extra calories.
But resting the body is important...and as I have learned through hard experience, if you don't rest your body, your body will rest you.
so I did it.
I also cut out sugar and very carefully managed my calories. I have done extremely well.
I am at 1490 and am done eating.
I am extremely happy with how today went.
I also find it interesting that coffee without the sugar wasn't nearly the pick me up I was used to.
We will see where this goes over the next few days.
My husband went and walked with me the three miles.
It was nice.
We talked and it was better than watching a movie together.
I also sat down and check my blood pressure which was 121 over 69 after I worked out.
My resting pulse was 78.
I was very happy with that..
when I started I was around 95 bpm at rest.
blood pressure I had no idea.
Now my husband's was like 120 over 89, which I do find concerning.
...
But he said he was going to start going to the gym more often so YEAH!
lol.
It only took two years, but I think he is coming around.
peristence pays people.
Have a great night.
Hugs,
Chris

maximum efforts, minimum results? Try this...

okay,
I am in the 'the numbers work' camp when it comes to weight loss.
Is or are there reasons why they won't?
Yes.
But, if you are one of those...then this post isn't for you.

Last month for me was a good example of how you can be putting in a maximum effort in one area and falling short in another.
And trust me, there is nothing more frustrating than putting forth maximum effort in one area and having another screw you up.
For me it's food.
Always has been, always will be.
I like it.
I love it.
I love the way it tastes, smells...you name it.
That is why I work out like a dog.
So I can eat when I want to
great for maintenance.
Sucks for weight loss.
I am now trying to train for a pt test and lose my last 13 to 14 pounds ( to initial goal weight..not necessary but it gives me something to shoot for...only 5 pounds to normal bmi).
one pound a month is not acceptable to me.
I can do 3..but 1.
um no.
Counting my calories is key.
Tonight I fell down on the job in a big way and went over by 300 calories.
How did I do that..
well....
I forgot to count the 3 hard candy pieces I sucked on (60)...the milk in two cups of coffee (65) and five ritz crackers (80!) and the butter on my bagels (100) that was 300 calories.
I tried adding it up at the end of the day instead of the beginning...while I was eating my egg white omelet for dinner.
When I realized my rather large mistake I threw out the last 1/4th of my omelette...saving me around 65 calories and bringing my calorie total in at 1805.
ouch.
I burned 700 calories today..I busted my @ss..and all I have to show for it is a lousy 350 calorie deficit ...that will lose me a pound in 10 days..if I exercised like a maniac all ten days ...which I won't.
tomorrow is a scheduled 450 calorie burn...If I did what I did today tomorrow...I would have a 100 calorie deficit to show for all my work.
So I have no intention of letting that happen again.
So, what do I do to make sure that doesn't happen?
I know what to do.

1.) no grazing between meals.
2.) see above.
3.) Drink my water...10 cups minimum
4.) eat high protein, low fat, high veggie meals. (they keep me full)
5.) log my food through out the day..not at the end.
6.) DROP THE SUGAR FROM MY COFFEE
(if I had done this today, used splenda instead of sugar, I would have saved 180 calories and had a 500 calorie deficit instead.)
7.) space my meals into 4 instead of 3...I get up at 7 in the morning. If I eat at 8 and then 12:30 there is a heckuva long time between lunch and dinner..I workout between 4-6.
After I am done with my workout...this is my danger zone and it is also where I have been consuming unwanted calories.
So..if I drop the sugar It leaves room for a small meal...
So...make breakfast 300 tops, lunch 300 tops, coffee 65 tops...snack after 250 tops and dinner my big meal at 600.
I know that some people on lower calorie plans think this sounds like a lot, but I am burning 400 to 600 calories per day in exercise...so it would be akin to you eating 900-1100 calories a day.
Sounds a little different now?
yeah.

Well, that is what I will be doing to take the most advantage of my exercise schedule.
Did my elliptical...upper body weights (UBW from now on) 140 situps ( I did them in two sets and miscounted) and 22 pushups (which were harder than I thought they would be for some reason)
Have a great night..
Here is to a better tomorrow.
Night,
Chris

In training

Hello all...
bleck
well....I am 145.5 which is not a gain, but is a craptastic loss.
two weeks on maintenance calories for a completely avoidable iron deficiency will do that to you plus Tom and his miraculous first of the month appearance (not to mention my long running nemesis..the buttered cracker).
Don't screw with your health people, trust me, it puts you further behind in the long run.
So,
I said screw the scale for now, i put it away..in a stellar month I would lose 3-4...that isn't enough to get anyone stoked.
I am counting calories and I am in Training.
1500 calories a day.
exercise every day till may (18th) which will be my 2 year weigh in date.
Think I will do one heckuva slide show.
anywhoozle.
on my 37th birthday I will be doing a pt test..
and when I told my nine year old that she said
"Oh, kind of like a celebration"
I love it when my kid gets me.
yes.
The last pt test I had a hope in hell of passing was at the age of 19.
18 years ago.
yeah.
I am going to pass this thing...and I have laid out a fitness schedule to beat all fitness schedules.

I am hoping (via numbers) to lose 3 pounds this month.
But my main focus is the army pt test.
2 mile run in under 20 minutes...
minimum 78 situps and 40 pushups Both in under 2 minutes.
I have laid out a pushup schedule, as the situps don't scare me..
I do 120 a day.
This week I will be looking to do 22 push ups every other day.
Next week it will be 24
then 26
28
30
32
34
and I am hoping to either develop faster than I think I will or that on pt test day I will have adrenalin to carry me through...which is entirely possible.
I don't know..
I have had a hard time lately turning down the extra 100 to 200 calories at night that is partly to blame for stalling or slowing my loss.
But tonight saying.."I am in training" seems to change the game for me.
Spent tonight watching a movie with my oldest and then doing a makeover with my youngest.
I went to the gym today and did a two mile walk and a mile and a half jog..then 120 situps and 20 minutes on the stairstepper..
great day food wise....1500.
See you all tomorrow.
Hugs,
Chris