Hope

Hey,
I had a good day.
I did my elliptical workout...and burned around 650 calories.
I ate around 1550...so a 550 calorie deficit..which isn't too bad.
I did 26 push-ups and was rather surprised that I did.
I don't know why I was surprised...
I also had to up my weights on the weight machine.
I did 60 pound flys tonight
because when I did 55, I didn't feel anything.

I think the pushups along with the weights are really making me stronger.
The only thing still at 55 lbs is my triceps.
I don't really want big triceps.
I did my situps...which really seem to be averaging around 140.
I do 50 regular situps, 50 lower abdominal lifts with my legs and then 20 obliques each side..
which is 140.
I found a line running faintly down the middle of my stomach a few days back....
which is kind of cool.
But when I was doing pushups today I saw my skin pushing my shirt out...
There is nothing I can do about the extra skin.
I do have it.
It's noticeable but not terrible.
I am sure it will always be loose.
I will just do what I can.
Someone asked me if I look at myself and how I have lost 100 lbs and if I take the time to feel good about it.
It is really strange...but I feel now as if I have always been this way.
YOu know how you feel you have always been fat.
I now forget what it is like (except in that distant memory kind of way) what it felt like to move around in a larger body.
You may think it's impossible, but it isn't.
It is possible to go from being morbidly obese...
feeling as if you always have been and always will be fat.
To being thin...and feeling as if you have always been thin.

Today I was thinking about one of my favorite movies...
Shawshank Redemption.
Kate and I were trying to figure out why it's our number 1 movie on our top 100 list.
It's such a simple little story.
I knew why, but I like to get her to figure it out.
I said...when you think of it, what do you remember.
She says "The part where Red is riding the bus"
I say
Why...
She says "because he is leaving for something better?"
lol.
She knows I am digging for something.
I say
"What did he have then, that he didn't have before?"
"What did Andy have as he tunneled for years..taking dust out into the prison yard in his pant cuffs?"
What did they all struggle to hold on to, when they were being treated like animals..

She said
"Hope."
I said
"YES!"

It's the reason I love schindler's list...because he gave people life, and therefore hope.
V for vendetta...he brought down a dictatorship and gave people Hope.

Hope is really all we have.
when You lose hope, you lose everything.
Hoping isn't wishing.
Wishing is sitting and daydreaming.
Hoping is keeping the faith while doing.
Without hope, you don't even begin, because what is the purpose?
When I hear someone say It's 'hopeless'...
I know they have created a self fulfilling prophecy.

When I began, I started by capping my calories...and walking.
I had no proof my plan would work for me, because I had never tried that plan.
But I did hope it would.
I began by doing, and by hoping.
Without hope, I would still be fat.
I hope to instill that HOPE in others...
A belief that they can...That they are able, no matter how many times they have tried and failed.
Failure is not defeat.
It is simply what happens sometimes.
It is a singular instance.
not a perpetual certainty.
It's not your destiny.
You make your destiny.

I know you can do this.
I hope you do too.
I hope that you have
HOPE.
Have a great night guys.
Hugs,
and best wishes.
chris