2.08.2011

Captain obvious writes about crap He finds interesting/irritating

okay,
chris is drawing...so she let me do this one.
I told her she is malingering...but she gave me the bird so here I am.

Captain obvious has nothing to say really...so the rest will simply be brain farts from a bored individual.

Captain obvious hates people who speak about themselves in the third person.
As if they are too important to NOT refer to themselves...



as if, much like staring into the sun itself...they must deflect their greatness in a verbal mirror so as not to blind us.

moving on...
referring to anyone as a nazi.
There was only one group of people evil enough to be called nazis...
And that was
The Nazis.
Any further reference to anyone being "nazi like" other than Nazis by anyone in any political party-or any news show- should henceforth result in painful consequences involving nipple clamps and car batteries.
And if you don't agree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.

Captain obvious finds a lot of music these days to be irritating.
Captain obvious knows he is speaking about himself in the third person, but thinks you should ignore it and pay attention.

Captain obvious loathes Ke$ha....(this IS how it's spelled)
Captain obvious asked Chris's oldest daughter why Ke$ha could not just sing "I'm a whore, I'm a whore, I'm a whore"...
Kate stated that they couldn't find a way to make it catchy.
Captain obvious has no idea how this talentless tart achieved a record contract, but doubts it was her musical ability that vaulted her to the top of the business if you know what I am saying.
Captain obvious also hates snarky allusions, but like all good hypocrites he gives himself a pass when the situation merits.
(Lebron states that lebron would mute Ke$ha to hear lebron speak)

Captain obvious's top 12 movies (because top 10 lists are too cliche):

1.) Shaw shank Redemption
2.) Schindler's list
3.) V for Vendetta
4.) True Grit 2010
5.) We were soldiers
6.) The Count of Monte Cristo
7.) The sound of Music
8.) Dead Poets Society
9.) One True thing
10.) The Game
11.) It's a wonderful life
12.) Gettysburg

Captain Obvious's top ten items on his bucket lists...
(Since Bucket lists are too cliche to not use a top ten list.)

1.) Visit Spain
2.) Visit greece
3.) Learn to flamenco
4.) See Chris's Children succeed in life
5.) Illustrate a book
6.) Read War and Peace (not really,but I have to fill out this list)
7.) Try jellied eel
8.) attempt to sneak from mexico into the united states.
9.) fill a closet with nothing but jelly beans.
10.) become dictator of a small foreign nation.

Well, Captain obvious is tired of being Captain obvious.
It's a strain.
I would like to be General (ly) obvious.
Greatness cannot be restrained...so I am trading up...
You may find me at greater blogs in the future.
I can't be emotional about this decision...
Captain obvious has to do what's best for Captain obvious...
chris will have to understand.
obviously done,
Captain out.

(Captain obvious would like to report that Chris did some yoga..whatever hippy crap that is.)

9 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

LOL! That would be quite a promotion, Captain, but surely thou art worthy of becoming a General--even if you do say so yourself! :) Shall I buckle your sleeves behind your back now or later?

Jane said...

Loved it! You are a very clever woman, Chris. I'm going to miss Captain Obvious, but maybe the General will be OK.

Robin said...

Robin loves to speak about Robin in the third person. She finds it hilarious. However, it annoys her parents after a while. Just sayin'. Robin doesn't get it because it because she is usually punchy when she is doing it and it is horribly funny. Ah well. Not everyone appreciates Robin's humor. Apparently Captain Obvious would not like Robin at these moments. That is sad because Robin thinks she is very funny. Alas, perhaps not so much.

Amber said...

Your too funny! Chris and yoga, hmm
That's new! Hope she fad fun!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Aah, Captain Obvious (or is it already General now?) is a 'Red Eye' junky, it seems.
And Ke$ha, what a waste of a perfectly good symbol...

Val N. said...

When the music started playing, I thought, Ke$ha? Really? Then I read the post and laughed.

I, for one, find it hard to not laugh when people are honestly referring to themselves in the third person. What are you ,the queen?

Good stuff.

paulawannacracker said...

you're a very funny and clever gal Cris.. Luving the music too.

Ronalee said...

This made me laugh.. great job.

Sandra said...

Captain Obvious is my new favourite person, even if he does speak in the 3rd person and doesn't like people who do so. As for Kesha, yup, right on the money.
Ok, this was the funniest post I've read all night!