4.14.2011
food addiction
I am still a food addict. It's how I deal with my emotions. so... from here on out I will not be eating when I am upset. luckily I am not upset all the time or I would turn into an anorexic. But I did use my crappy day the other day as an excuse to bail on my food limit and eat too much. I still do it...apparently. It still happens and always will unless I make it my rule to not eat after a major upset. I am still not superior at sorting my feelings from hunger.... I was hungry when I started...but I didn't listen to my body and I ate till I felt sick. Something I haven't done in over a year and a half. I know as well as you do that this is never 'over'. two days ago was a good reminder. I also need to stop using my exercise a crutch to overeat. I need to get a handle on my excessive food consumption on high calorie days. ever hear of 'Give us this day our daily bread. I am all over the exercise. It's redefining my relationship with food that is going to take some work. modertaing my eating and leaving the dieting mentality has been revealing. I still have work to do. I am going to be living within the calories I earn each day until I get past the restrict and over eat pattern I have developed. I am still recovering... ack. I hope this doesn't depress anyone. I haven't gained weight. I haven't lost weight. I am holding steady and getting better day by day. In the meantime...I am getting my house in order...inside and out. I am not going to have anything left at the end of this that I don't love or use. project today....starting my seed beds for my garden.. painting my wall. doing my walk and situps. cleaning my art area and having a place for everything in my bedroom. Have a great night guys. Chris out.
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13 comments:
A very honest post, Christine. To identify why we do something is a necessary step in dealing with it. This is not depressing at all. It's just a critical thinking exercise that will allow you to identify concerns and then develop strategies. We all need to do that from time to time.
I think I have always treated my food addiction with feelings/emotions alone and leaving the critical thinking piece for other issues. Delving into an episode of overeating, without justifying it because of emotions and feelings, is a wonderful step in maintenance. You're a very smart lady!
you always scare us to death and then say have a great night, chris out<><>well don't do that<><><>i am upset today over this craping medicare<>><><>,.now i find out the only way anyone can survive is on supplimental medicare which costs retiree's 300 dollars per month<><><>before employers covered it but when you stop working for them they opt out of the insurance businness
This post is similar to what I was trying to express with my "Binge Monster Sanctuary" trilogy. :)
I was indulging my food addiction--even while on my eating plan. It's a deceptive thing, that addiction.
Great insights.
Deb
You are only human, as are all of us. Sometimes we almost forget because you are also so darned inspiring... It is nice to see how you are able to autopsy a situation and learn from it, rather than just get caught up in feeling bad over it.
It is a process that continually changes over time, this getting a healthier relationship with food. I have made a very clear connection to the fact that worrisome news about others (that used to come at me almost daily) or their chaotic lives inevitably leads to a 'grazing session' through the cupboards. If I had figured that out sooner, I probably wouldn't have found all these helpful blogger friends. So, with the bad comes some wonderful rewards.
I also struggle with feeling overly controlled. I am a freedom freak and I don't believe that there are many things in this world that are all good or all bad. So I am trying to gently move toward healthier choices and it seems to be working quite well. It feels good to do things with food that are not out of control.
Chris--I'm right there with you, my friend. I relate to this post on every level...As a food addict, I sometimes feel like I'm constantly walking a line---trying to trust myself, but realizing that I may never be able to completely turn off those urges--It never ends, you're so right. I don't want to ever go back---and I know--that falling isn't failing.
Thank you for this amazing post--You've helped me...ty
We can win, Chris--you know this. We are winners around here---we are the champions of our choices--You know That!!!
The dream of never dealing with food issues--I just know, isn't going to happen for me. I will always have to be aware, be honest with myself, and do my best to make the choices that will keep me.
My best always
Sean
Your exercise schedule is inspiring to me. Thank you for that too!!
I think that you have a really good handle on your process, Chris. You see what needs work and you are forming a plan and working it. I am learning so much from you and I appreciate your posts and the fact that you are so open to sharing your insights.
We all have crap days where we abuse food as a coping mechanism or for some other reason. It is how we recover from that, pick up and sty our course that matters most. You had a bad day, food wise but you have bounced back and are taking action. You aren't allowing it to all spiral out of control. You are learning, all the time how to live your "normal" life.
Being aware is halfway to victory! I wasn't depressed at all - we identify our problems and then we work on them. That's just how it's done, and you're doing it!
Chris you are truly amazing! Its is never over and reassessing where you are and making a plan to fix it is great!
Being a foodaholic sucks! It seems like the most ridiculous thing in the world to use food to medicate your emotions. I can eat across the whole emotional spectrum. It's something I work at every single day and it's probably something I will have to work at every single day. My weight has stayed steady within a few pounds or so (er, maybe more as I haven't weighed myself in a year but my clothes still fit so I'll go with that) and that's while I've been hyper aware of the need to workout and eat well - I mean I don't eat as well as I could, otherwise I would have lost more - but it just shows that I would have just piled the weight on if I'd just let exercise and food mindfulness go completely by the wayside. I may not be where I want to be but at least I'm not back at square one!
Love getting stuff around the house and garden done by the way ;)
Yep I'm right here with you too Chris. Finding that balance is the key and not letting the emotions over take us. I like that you're not going to eat when your upset. Problem with me is sometimes I eat to celebrate still too. Yep, still a food addict here for sure. Like Sean said it is something we will always have to be aware of. We are tough though so I know we'll be fine. I too tend to use exercise as my crutch which I don't think is a bad thing really.
Depress me? No way! Encourage me? You bet! I love that you are honest about this struggle. It is the root of so many other peoples problem - this eating to soothe - that personally didn't hit me until I got older. Then suddenly - like a little demon, it entered my life, my thinking, my habits - that bag of chips will make you feel better, esp if you let yourself eat it all in one sitting and combine it with something cheesy and spicy. I'm sorry it is still an issue for you after all this time but I am so glad you shared. We all need honesty and directness and you never hold back.
Thanks for being so honest and sharing what most would be afraid to share! Blessings!
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