12.06.2010

All you need is a spark...

To set the whole thing off...

Hey all.
I was walking today (I am moving every day till may 18th)
Three miles.
It was my "no work out, work out."
3 miles is nothing to me.
It's a stroll...a little pitter patter down the way and back.
A chance to recollect...think, meander, ponder.
As I was doing all three I almost started crying..
Because I remembered when I started.. this three mile walk used to hurt.
alot.
It used to make my feet feel like red hot pokers were being shoved into them.
Because I was over 100 lbs overweight.
Halfway through those walks, the only way I could mitigate the pain was to take my shoes off.
At that point I didn't have exercise clothes...Just these oversized t shirts I bought that I had written in puffy paint "Do or Do not, there is no try'...and I didn't care how stupid I looked.
I knew I had to win.
I would slug along with one phrase over and over in my head.
Faint puke or die but keep walking.
Thank you jillian micheals.
NOw...it's not a workout...it's my meditation time.
My one day break from my stairmaster and my elliptical and weight lifting and stairstepping and situps.

Here's a little excerpt from that time:

From July 22nd, 2009 My weight on July 22nd? 242 lbs.

Today, I did my three mile walk. As anyone knows, when your doing a long walk or exercise routine, it is really easy to drift in your mind and slow up. I had pushed myself for the first mile and a half (it has a slight upgrade the whole way) and I was coming back down when I saw someone coming in the distance. She had all the gear on, walking shoes, t shirt and jog shorts....and she was holding something to her ear, I thought, maybe it's a radio? But no, it was a CELL PHONE. While on this long walk, she chose to call someone. In my head, I heard JIllian say "she's always phoning it in'. "It's always half *ssed, no intensity...giggling..he he...it's just so tiring." I then realized that my pace had slowed coming back down the hill. In fact, while I had been getting mildly sweaty in each workout, there was no real burn involved. There was no intensity to what I was doing. I was, in essence, putting in my time. Suddenly, I wanted to get ugly sweaty. I wanted to make it count. IF I am going to do a one hour workout, one hour of my life, I want to make it count for something. So I pushed. When I thought I couldn't keep up the pace, there was jillian's voice saying..unless you faint, puke or die, keep walking. So I did. I did my three miles in 51 minutes. Now that's nothing to some of you but it had been a full hour for the last month. That was nine minutes off my time, simply because I refused to phone it in. What else can I do If I set out to do my absolute best daily.

Now I meditate that walk in 45 minutes.
My feet are fine. I wear fancy running shoes...I have 'exercise clothes".
I go to the gym...I feel pretty.
I won.
But I couldn't see here from there. I had no idea what was waiting for me.
I had to have blind faith that things would turn out well.
I had to be willing to wait and see.

I weighed in this morning a smidge under 149 lbs.
I want to weigh 147 lbs by December 23rd.
146 By January 1rst and then 140 by march 17th.
All very doable.
To lose 2 lbs by december 23rd I need to have at least a 500 calorie deficit a day.
I will do it.
I will be exercising daily and for the next two weeks I will be posting my food intake at the bottom of my blog with weighed in and precise calorie counts.
1470 is my food limit for the next two weeks..
I had been 149.5 forever, but now am 149.
Soon to be 147.
I went out tonight and bought veggies and cut them up and stuffed them in the fridge.
I have something I want to say about what motivates me and what really got me started toward losing weight... but this blog is much too long already.
It has everything to do with straightening out my issues and finding out what I want out of life.
So I will post it tomorrow.
Have a great night.

14 comments:

MargieAnne said...

You sound just like the Christine who was losing weight regularly because you had a strong focus and kept going no matter what.

Determined and focussed. I know you worked hard to get here and I can see you reaching your final goal, no question.

You do my soul good.

Allan said...

You can do it with your eyes closed.. All the faith in you in the world !!

Anne H said...

Straightening out issues....
That's a good place to be!
Not so easy, but I need a little of that, too!
Good post.

Leslie said...

Those 2 pounds are on notice, because there is no doubt they will be "outtaheeeeere" before Christmas.

Janna Qualman said...

You are an inspiration! Awesome.

Rettakat said...

"But I couldn't see here from there. I had no idea what was waiting for me.
I had to have blind faith that things would turn out well."

That really called out to me.

I think I need to go back to that place. I was there before, and somehow let it drift away.

Thanks for sharing that,
Loretta
=^..^=

TJ said...

You really have come so far. So happy for you! :)

Roxie said...

I, too, loved what you said about not being able to see here from there. There is no way that I could have imagined what this would feel like. Great job, Chris.

Putz said...

i want to see a new picture of you at your new LOW WEIGHT

bbubblyb said...

You had me welling up with tears. I find myself crying sometimes on my walks about how far I've come and just how much happier I am. It's so true that we just had to have blind faith to get from where we were to where we are. Thank goodness for believing in ourselves. I sure believe you will get to wherever you want to be Chris. *hugs*

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Chris- this is the 'voice' that got to me when I first started reading you.
No surprise now, it turns out that some extra weight was only one of the many 'loose threads' in my life. Like you, I could not possibly have seen what was in store for me. I could not trust or imagine that things would ever work out the way that they have. Grasping the idea that life did not have to consist of trying to control a series of seemingly random unfortunate events, was truly the turning point for me.
Thank you for being inspirational in grabbing onto a few of those 'threads' and starting to pull it all together.

paulawannacracker said...

Thank you for sharing that older post. make it count for one hour. I'm gonna remember that as I get back on track with exercise.

I too have been phoning it in...

Insightful and inspiring as usual.

paula

Rusti said...

"But I couldn't see here from there. I had no idea what was waiting for me.
I had to have blind faith that things would turn out well."

This is what I needed to hear. I have to have blind faith that I want and envision for myself will come to pass. I have no idea what is waiting for me when I get there, however I know it will be great and totally worth all the time, effort, sweat, and tears. Becoming thin scares the heck out of me because I have never been there. I am looking forward to it, I'm just afraid of the unknown. I really do need to adopt the blind faith idea.
Thank you for this post, it is very inspiring.
~RustiAnn

M Pax said...

I know what you mean about not being able to see here from there. I didn't know what this would look like either.

Keep on, Chris!