12.12.2010

"And then I'll be happy!"

Any sentence that starts or ends like that is rarely true.

Hey all,
I just realized something...I am starting to sound a bit like the beginning of grizzly adams...you know, a voice over introducing the story..
I self analyze way too much.

Onto my blog post.
Great day.
calories in at 1440
and burn in at 550 calories.

Okay, So I am still going with the every day till may thing. I have been doing like a three on and then one 'off'...(meaning a three mile walk only) It's my easy workout...the other three are like two intense and one moderate. Todays was moderate.
I did 1 mile walk 100 calories burned
20 minutes on the stairstepper 180 calories burned
13 minutes on an arc trainer (cool and weird at the same time) 126 calories burned.
and finally 10 minutes on my precor 104 calories burned...
Then 158 situps which I counted as around 40 calories burned (have no real idea)

So, tomorrow is one hour on the precor and I always burn at least 600 on that thing...love it...plus upper body weights.

On to the title of my post.
On sundays, after the gym, I go grocery shopping.
I am very hungry after I work out, so it's an exercise in self control/self torture.
I pick up chocolate and see if it has suddenly become calorie free overnight..and upon finding it is not so...sigh and set it down.
So i buy a new curling iron (my old one broke..and I only had it for about three years...the one before I had FOREVER..my youngest told me that was because I never used it...well, I used my last one almost daily. I said "oh, that's true."....)
anywhoozle.
I decide since I am sitting at 820 calories that I was going to get a tall bold coffee at the starbucks in the lobby and put 2 T half and half (40 cal) and some splenda in it...but not before picking up the biscotti and sighing over it's 170 calorie 'pricetag' and setting it back down,and dismissing the pastry case as undoable if I wanted a decent dinner.
So I get my coffee and I am making it drinkable when a lady comes in...A lady who was about my size when I started.
The lady behind the counter greeted her (in much the same way the kfc drive thru guy used to greet me as I was coming through to pick up my deep fried cheese curds....with ranch dip)
She (the lady ordering) stated that she nearly didn't make it...and the other girl said "I wondered where You were, I have your order waiting...a grande white mocha with a brownie...
(that my dears is 910 calories altogether) I know.
I used to drink that drink...I was drinking that drink the day my flip switched.
The brownie I have looked up to see if it would be a viable calorie choice when I take my kids on fridays...it wasn't.
I had a little twinge right there.
Then she said something that stopped me in my tracks...
She said "I always look forward to coming here and getting this...so I can sit down and eat and be HAPPY."

And I thought, "Oh, that is not going to make you happy."

It will feel good for the ten to twenty minutes you are eating it....You will feel comforted..warm inside.
You will feel happy and homey and it will taste good.
But then you will notice that people are there, and wonder if they are judging you.
Then after, the guilt creeps in because you know you shouldn't have eaten it....it won't get you any healthier...
But, if she was anything like I was...she will just shut that voice off by getting another brownie.

And I looked down at my coffee and felt my stomach growl.
And knew that in just another hour I would be eating something that would move me towards my goals instead of away from them.

That never again would I look to a brownie for happiness...when I could create it myself.
Real happiness is feeling alive.
Being able to play tag with my daughter...being able to go all day and join in.
Being able to get in a swim suit and go swimming instead of sitting on the edge of the pool..ashamed of my size.
being able to BREATHE when I lay flat on my back.
Knowing I have probably (God willing) added years to my life through healthier eating and living.
Things that no brownie that was ever made, created or devised would be able to give me.
I GIVE ME HAPPINESS NOW.

food list
breakfast 2 eggs 1 piece of toast 240 cal.
1 egg white omelette with 1/4 cup mozzerella and salsa 200 cal.
1 banana 100 cal.
2 cups coffee 240 cal.
1 cup coffee with half and half and splenda 40 cal.
salad greens 4 cups 40 cal.
tomato 3.5 ounces 21 cal.
cucumbers 6 cal.
2 T light dressing 40 cal.
4 ounces buffalo chicken breast 210 cal.
1 ounce feta 75 cal.
16 grams chopped pecans 125 cal.
2 vitamin chews and three crackers and 1 T butter...

(recording food is a pain...but it's working)
Have a good one guys,
Hugs,
Chris

15 comments:

Fiona said...

Great blog :)
I think for me balance is important - happiness now and also for the future. So a healthier choice that still satisfies me, a slightly longer walk than I 'feel' like doing, still happy now, much happier later!

Tammy said...

Been there. I've looked for happiness in a brownie FAR too many times.

Robin said...

For someone who hasn't written much of anything in weeks, your post prompted a SECOND post today. ugggh. So, I suppose your comment is my post. It was too long to put here.

Deb Willbefree said...

Funny. I've been thinking along these same lines and considering a post about it.

It has occurred to me that there are so many things I cannot control. BUT I can control providing myself with a good feeling--a genuinely good, no guilt, sense of satisfaction.

I have the power to do that simply by sticking to my food plan. Whether I gain or lose is not the issue; if I stick to the healthy, reasonable plan, I will feel good at the end of that day.

Instead of trying to control what I cannot, maybe I should aim at what I can--and what really works.

Great post, Chris. Thanks.

Deb

Deb Willbefree said...

Funny. I've been thinking along these same lines and considering a post about it.

It has occurred to me that there are so many things I cannot control. BUT I can control providing myself with a good feeling--a genuinely good, no guilt, sense of satisfaction.

I have the power to do that simply by sticking to my food plan. Whether I gain or lose is not the issue; if I stick to the healthy, reasonable plan, I will feel good at the end of that day.

Instead of trying to control what I cannot, maybe I should aim at what I can--and what really works.

Great post, Chris. Thanks.

Deb

snoconegirl said...

yep i have looked to a brownie and ice cream..oh my ice cream is my weakness..but i am going strong this week..you have and are doing so well.you look wonderful..
loveya kelli

Allan said...

The first time I read this I laughed. The second time I shuddered. The third time a cried a little. Thank you again for your posts. It aint easy being my online peep. It means a lot to me.

Allan said...

Sent ya some blog love

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Hi, Christine. I just wanted to let you know that I have a blog award for you over on my blog. You can pick it up any time and pass it on if you want. I enjoy reading your posts so much because you always spill it all honestly. Hugs.

Debbie said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and your comments. I love your blog and you just picked up another follower...

Hanlie said...

Great insight! We can often learn so much about ourselves by watching other people.

outdoor.mom said...

its funny how we notice what other people are eating more when we are watching what we eat. there is this one extra big person who will sit and eat a whole little tub of icecream in front of me. I feel this sick pity for her but I also feel tempted to judge. I think when we work so hard, its easier to get frustrated with people who act like they don't care.

M said...

Love your blog!!!

M Pax said...

Being that it is around the holidays and celebration happens, it serves to remind me how much I enjoy feeling lighter and leaner. I hate that heavy, bloated feeling from eating too much or eating something less than stellar for my health.

You're right. We give happiness to ourselves. I do not want to go back. I want to feel good not awful.

My stomach feels bloated thinking about that lady and her 900 calorie coffee and the brownie. Aaaaa!

Christine said...

@outdoor mom...Oh, I think she cares. I know I did. I spent 24 hours a day thinking about eating..either what I shouldn't eat or what I should eat. It was an obsession. I spend less time thinking about it now because I am only thinking about what I should eat...not what I did eat and then shouldn't have and what should I have next and I'll probably blow it. It was a huge portiono of my life.
sadly enough.
I didn't even really feel pity..more of an urge to turn around and say
Hello, you don't know me....but..lolololol.
yeah. That would have worked.