P.M.A.

POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE

You need it.
I spent years with this tape in my head...
Although I didn't realize that I did...
My tape said, "Fat*ss". "Moron" "stupid".
Or some variation. When it was obvious that was what was going on, I could combat it. When it was on low, and everything else was at the front of my mind...I didn't notice. These kinds of thoughts are not productive, they are destructive.
In my mind, there were no room for mistakes. I had been taught early not to get in the way, and to not be a burden. Mistakes were not tolerated.
At least not mistakes made by me.
I viewed any mistake or failure not as a learning experience.
I viewed it as a symptom of my "moronic fat*ss's" failure to plan, failure to think, failure to do.
Because of my assumption that any mistake was not a mistake, but deliberate stupidity...I didn't like to try new things. If I couldn't do it perfectly, it didn't get done.
In my world, there was no such thing as a 'learning curve'.
I created quite a little box for myself. Sure it was crafted by other people's hands, but once you become an adult, you become a willing participant.
I had one or two friends. I had a hobby....that I didn't do anything with.
Nothing I drew was "good enough".
Then one day I woke up and said, "Would I treat my daughters like this?"
Would I treat my friends or family this way? Would I ever, ever, ever want my daughters to limit themselves because they viewed themselves as somehow inferior or unable.
No.
Some of us had less then stellar childhoods.
What we have to do now, is remove that abusive, faulty tape that was recorded by mentally unhinged people. We have to replace it with a tape of our own choosing.
Mine is voiced by Charles Ingalls from Little house on the prairie.
Sad? Maybe.
Necessary? Definately.
I needed a voice that told me to try, even if I failed.
I needed a calm reassuring voice that said "You are a great person'.
In my mind, when I read the bible....When I found out that God had planned me, that I was no mistake, that I had a soul to take care of...I have to put a voice to it.
So, I did.
Did it make a difference.
It sure did.
Me and my little brother (who I took to church, who I practically raised cause my mom had to work all the time...I taught him what I learned from the two sources available to me.)
We grew up and had good lives.
All the lessons I learned about how to be productive in life, I learned from Church and Little house. It was what I had. It served me well.
We don't all have access to psychoanalysts, personal trainers, life coaches and transcendental meditation gurus.
We do all have access to public parks, libraries, church, and walmart.
We can go to Walmart, pick up cheap workout gear...
go to the library and check out workout tapes and then head to the public park and take a walk or a jog. You can be your own life coach (or let God, that's what I try to do).
If you were your life coach, would you fire you?
One year ago I would have said YES.
My life coach made me fat and miserable.
Now I would give her a raise. lol.
Change your tape.
Give it a loving voice, make it say what you would say to someone you loved.
Then write out the things your life coach would have you do.
Get rid of the toxic people, eat better, get some sleep for God's sake, watch a funny movie, don't beat yourself up so much, go for a walk...make a new friend, read Chris's blog (if you like it, natch).....;0)

I ate 1600 calories, worked out for an hour and 15 minutes and burned 550 calories...I am on track.

Anywhooo,
have a great night...
Talk to you tomorrow.
Hugs,
Chris