This is me NOW...

Hello everybody in blogland,

I just got finished watching a Hannah MOntana movie. It was cute. And, it actually ties in with something I was thinking of earlier after reading sean's post (a daily diary of a winning loser) today. He said that sometimes his determination and drive makes him SEEM less loving than he really is.

I know what he means, and maybe some of you do too. You see, I used to think taking an hour at the gym would be 'stripping' my family of valuable time in which I could be doing a number of things. Things like:

Cleaning
grocery shopping
picking up various messes
driving them to some lesson
watching a program with them
making Them a snack.
planning a party
running to the store at the last minute...

Everything was more important than my health.
I put my health at the bottom of the priority list for so long, that when I looked up my 20's were gone and so were half my 30's. I was 5ft. 3 inches tall and 262 lbs. When I lay down at night, I could barely swallow and my heart would stall and race. My back hurt, my hips hurt, and my feet hurt.
When I would get up in the morning, pain would just shoot through my heels and I would hobble around until it was bearable.
As I wrote once before, My turning point started in a build a bear workshop...I was standing there waiting for my youngest to pick out an outfit when I looked up and saw a fat, uncomfortable woman standing across the room. It was a mirror facing me.
Then I realized it was me. I was the fat, uncomfortable woman in the room.
I wasn't 'pleasantly plump', or comfortable looking. I wasn't even 'matronly'.
I was fat and sloppy.
That's when I realized that I was SICK AND TIRED of being the fat one. I was sick and tired of feeling 80, when I was only 35.
I deserved better. That's right....let me say it again.
I...I....I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I
I know some fat people never cared about others and only cared about themselves.
However, I think a lot of fat women tend to prioritize themselves underneath the family pets. Even the cat comes before you....
Well honey, sometimes you have to realize that if you don't put yourself on the list, it ain't never going to happen. So I did.
Each day I say..."Time for my walk" or "I am headed to the gym".
I don't take the kids...now some may say...oh that's terrible...this is a great time for family fitness.
Except that it isn't. It's a stroll that does nothing to raise the heart rate, or drop the pounds. I know, I did it for years. Strollers and walks to the park. IT DOESN'T CUT IT. You have to get in there and work out hard. If you want to take another walk later, you can....but you have got to devote yourself to really working out. I used to think that the women who went to the gym were selfish...
I WAS WRONG.
I was actually being selfish...you know why. I had no energy to do anything once we got there. I couldn't run and play, cause I was TOO FAT. Now, when I do take my kids to the park, I am right there with them. Playing. I want to get out and do more because I am not HALF DEAD.
People might try to make you feel bad or guilty about taking an hour to an hour and a half a day just for you, let me tell you something. People who do that don't care about you. They care about themselves and their perception of right and wrong. You have got to take your own life in your own hands and make it what you want.
When someone says "You aren't acting like yourself".
You say "This is me now."
That's it, no explanations necessary.
God bless and Hugs,
Chris