back to fat.
Hi all,
I think I have posted a bit about my difficulty with the calorie levels lately.
The only thing saving my bacon has been the exercise...and even then it hasn't always been enough.
I don't know if you all are anything like me.
Have you lost large amounts of weight before only to put it back on and then some?
Or
perhaps you have been morbidly obese and said to yourself.
If only I could get back down to _________
I would never take it for granted, I would take care of myself.
Well, i don't know about you but I have been thin before being fat (or morbidly obese)
and I remember instances while eating where I would feel that it was too much.
I shouldn't be eating this or that..but went ahead and did it anyways.
Saying to myself..."well, I will just watch it tomorrow."
And,
slowly but surely it would creep...the weight that is.
Tomorrow never came..I never watched it.
Until I would finally shut off that little voice.
The last two or three weeks were like that...I would have three good days and then one bad day.
my good days 'paid' for my bad days.
But I found myself falling back into old habits...
then three days eating on plan, one one off became one on and one off.
Two days ago I had that moment..
The one where you say "I really shouldn't be eating this."
and you do it anyways.
I woke up the next morning and had a little talk with myself.
The talk went something like this..
"Chris, you can do this...you can, through the power of sheer stupidity, throw away everything you have worked for over the last year and a half...you can tomorrow your life away."
Or,
You can realize that a bowl of popcorn or a brownie or whatever is not going to make up for the life you chuck out the window through thoughtless eating."
I decided to get back after it today.
Whenever I want something I shouldn't have I say "Is it worth getting fat over?"
that answer is no.
It is easy to take your good health for granted, even if you busted your @ss to get where you are.
You start thinking,
I feel good, NOW I can do what's important, plan fun stuff...clean the house, hang out with people.
Well, you are still important.
Making time to watch what you eat and get at least an hour a day of exercise minimum five to six days a week ...it still has to be the number one priority.
I had to reassert that with not only me, but my family.
it will have to be this way forever...
I'll be rolling out my new blog next week....It will be easy to find.
Hope you all have a great night.
Have a good one,
hugs,
Chris
11 comments:
?Those struggles are so hard. I, of course, identified with your post. sigh.
It's my greatest fear regarding this weight loss, this time. To careen over the edge and come to, 80 pounds heavier. So much easier to do than we'd like to believe.
And it takes what you're talking about here not to do that. As ridiculous as it seems--as not possible as it seems--yes, we can turn off our brains and eat ourself into obesity again.
Once we believe that a regain is possible, then we must belive the next thing.
The next thing? That we don't have to eat our way back. That we have a right to be thin and healthy, too. That we don't have to throw it away.
I do not have to be fat. It's okay for me to be healthy. I can break the cycle of the past.
This post says you will break that cycle, too.
hugs,
Deb
Interesting. I've ALWAYS felt different from other weight loss bloggers simply because I haven't always been the chubby girl. It's hard to explain to someone who has been heavy their whole life what it's like to have been where you wanted to be only to watch it slip, slide away.
I have some pretty big goals for 2011. Being at a good weight would definitely help me reach them. I need to ask myself, "Is it worth getting fat over?"
Interesting point - I've just realized I've lost 26 pounds this year. And gained 26 too, I'm right where I started. It's crazy frustrating because if I had put that effort steadily into losing I'd be in such a better place, instead of thinking I've wasted another year...
On the positive note, I'm pretty comfortable that i'll be able to handle maintenance from what I've learned. One thing that I plan to do in maintenance is to weigh in daily or at least a few times a week and set clear upper limits of when is "action time". I'm now thinking that upper limit needs to be pretty narrow (like 3 or 4 pounds) to keep it in control.
The pattern of loss and then "falling off the edge" has always been my pattern. Once after a substantial weight loss, I was starting to have difficulty, and a friend who was a therapist said to me: "Maybe you should just try to maintain where you are. You look good. Without the struggle to lose more weight, maintenance will be easier."
I wish I would have listened to her. I was 149 pounds and looked good, but I was determined to get to 127, so I was constantly frustrated with attempts to lose more weight (which required fewer and fewer calories), as well as not gain. I would love to weight 149 today. Would that have worked me me? I don't really know, because I didn't try it. It may not have made a difference.
But this is my story and not yours. I hope it's OK that I shared. You will make it through this, because you have such a strong will and a lot of faith. Take care...
I just came to your blog through Mrs.Fatass.
Sounds like we're on a similar sojourn. I too am terrified that once I get to goal...I won't be able to maintain. I've lost and gained a hundred times...but I've never even attempted to "maintain." Sounds scary.
Hope you find your inner willpower. Thanks for the honesty...it's inspiring.
Back to life... You may be alone with getting my warped mind.. How's that for a Thanksgiving nightmare ?! Happy Turkey
I looked at it this time as permanent habits. That doesn't mean I'm perfect. I've been away from home and my routine for 2 weeks. I managed some walks & kept portions under control. Now I'm home and there's a feast looming on the horizon. I'm in control of that, however. So, I will make lots of healthy things with fewer carbs, etc ...
Anyway, I keep going back to my healthier routine, because I feel better when I use those habits.
I'm certain you will be fine.
A really good post Chris. I totally identify with the giving ourselves permission to eat what we want and the weight wanting to creep back up. What I've found is in maintenance it still feels like a diet. If you are maintaining your weight then you know what you need to do. I know you still want to lose but there is no end so I think just biding your time is ok for awhile. I knew this time there would be no end. I knew I would battle my addiction for the rest of my life. What I've found out though is as time goes on I'm having more faith in myself that I can maintain. Sure sometimes I find myself freaking out about not seeming being able to control my eating urges but then it seems the next day dawns and I'm back to feeling in control. Maybe for some they won't have this battle once they reach their goal but I know I always will have to be aware and keep myself in check and give myself little talks. I know from reading your blog that you are a strong woman and I know you will do whatever you put your mind to. Just have faith in yourself I sure have faith in you.
That's what makes your journey different this time, Chris. THIS time you realized the "danger" of the moment & your decisions, and said, "no more." Drawing the line in the sand where it needs to be...and even REALIZING that it needs to happen - that is true progress. I know you've got this; I have no doubt that you will reach your ultimate goals and maintain a healthy weight. Thanks for sharing your struggles and process!
This will always be mind over matter. I try to project into the future... think about when my migraines get under control. It is still a disease. Stress triggers migraines. That means I have to live a lifestyle that is as stress-free as possible. Kind of like you. You are living a lifestyle. Sometimes it is hard to keep out the things that bring on the migraines: too little sleep, eating on a schedule, keeping certain foods out of the diet, avoiding certain lights and sounds, etc. Even going to bed at the same time every day. These things are hard but important. You start letting them fluctuate "just this once" and your schedule gets thrown and you're right back "on the wheel." If you get back on track right away the effects are minimal. If you don't, well it is back to daily migraines and a life on pain pills. The body interprets that stuff as stress. Chronic stress. We all wage wars. And they are all mental. Good stuff, Chris.
Funny, I had a little internal conversation yesterday similar to yours - "I'm going to the kitchen to eat something... what do I want?... What do I need?... Oh, those are two different questions..." I ended up listening to the wisest of all answers I heard myself think: A tall glass of water.
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