11.23.2010

Is it how you feel, or is it what you know.

Hey all,
Had a good day.
I ate my allotted calories and did my allotted exercise.
We all have blogs we read...
I read loretta's all the time...you can find her in my side bar.
She wrote about being optimistic even when life is hard.
It isn't some fuzzy wuzzy optimism based on farting rainbows.
It's having faith even when times get hard.
I admire that, and Loretta.
I always have admired optimists.
I want to be one.
I am working on that.

I can come off as a hard @ss sometimes.
I know why, I don't give a lot of credence to feelings.
I decided a long time ago that feelings are good.
We need to feel them.
lOVE IS A GREAT FEELING.
It should be felt often.
Feelings are valid.
But I don't let them control me.
I am more of a pragmatist/realist.
When you grow up a certain way, certain things get pounded out of you...
for instance..
The concept of 'fair'.
It's relative.
fair to whom?
What if the person doling out the consequences, the rewards, the punishments, gives two farts about fair?
If you are all caught up in fair, well....let's just say you could have some sort of mental break.
Wondering why life isn't fair.
Why people aren't fair.
me and my brothers have a saying...
Fair, what's fair?
It just is...
That is life 90 percent of the time.
I once had a very interesting conversation with a drill instructor.
I got to AIT and for some reason they singled me out for special treatment.
They caught me with a walkman (against the rules) and set out to make my 5 weeks there as hellacious as they could.
They picked the wrong person.
I had KP 15 separate times for things like 'dust on the bottom of my boots'.
So, he pulls me aside and says
"Private carpenter, do you think it's unfair that we singled you out when other people have been using headphones and haven't been caught?"
I just looked at him.
I said "I broke the rules."
He said "oh come on....you have to feel like it's unfair."
lololol.
I said 'I broke the rules."
He said 'If you tell me who the other people are, We will let you off."
I said "I don't know what you are talking about."

Evil people will try to use your feelings against you.
So yes, feel them, but keep them in perspective.
I wasn't going to let him manipulate me.

The diet industry does this....
Yes...some people have a high metabolism.
I ain't one of them.
They try to play on your sense of injustice and impatience by selling you pills or special drinks.
When we all know what we must do.
Fairs got nothing to do with it.
it just is.
I have never wasted time on the idea that someone or something should have made me differently.
Or given me a different life.
here is my philosophy in a nutshell.
I can waste time crying about what I can never have...or I can make the best of what I do have.
I remember sitting in a marriage therapists office with my husband and the therapists asking us how we 'felt' about my husband's multiple deployments.
My husband and I had the same reaction.
Feel?
It just is.
We don't feel anything.
We deal with it as a reality.
He couldn't grasp that concept...he thought we were being noble.
We weren't.
We couldn't grasp the concept that what we felt changed anything so WHY WASTE OUR TIME.
He said "it's important to feel the feelings."
I said "What feelings."
He said "perhaps perceived injustice."
I said "To what end?"
He says "To be in touch with them."
I said "What if the feeling is "it's just how it is."
he says 'That's fair I suppose."
lololol.
Really, is it?
Would it being unfair or fair make it matter any more or any less.
Feelings are good...they can guide us.
They can also be deceptive.
I can feel like eating the face off a rabid raccoon.
but do I?
I hope not.
I can feel like whalloping the hoo out of my kid....do I?
No. Because that isn't parenting.
That isn't teaching.
Just because I feel like eating everything in sight, doesn't make it a valid decision.
Sometimes we have to go with what we know.
Not how we feel.
In fact...I would say that is 90 percent of life.
Doing what you must DESPITE how you feel.
learning that your feelings should never get in the way of living how you should, or doing what you should.
Doing what you know to be right despite how boring it is, or repetitive, or strange, or lonely.
Because you know it's right.
Even when it feels wrong.
That is why principles are so important to me.
There was time in my life when everything in me wanted to flee my marriage.
I felt alone, overwhelmed, betrayed, angry...
But the principle that guided me through that time was this...
If my husband hadn't beat me or cheated...I would work through the problem...
with the first two, leaving is an option.
Other than that...try and work through it.
It took a year.
It was confusing.
But we came out the other side intact.

I exist.
and because I exist I will have problems.

To waste time pondering the relative fairness or unfairness of our existence has always seemed like a monumental waste of time to me.
Why waste time pondering what I can't change, when I could be changing what I CAN CHANGE.
Glad I am here. Glad I get to see some of this life before I shuffle into eternity.
I didn't have to get a shot at life, but God gave it to me.
I want to look back on my life and know I did my best daily.
Irregardless of how I felt.
So go out there and get it done.
I'm going to.
Hugs,
Chris

13 comments:

Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

really really love this post, chris.
i've always gotten the sense that you're a realist and i love that about you--and actually it's why for a while i thought you were older than you are :)

yup, what's a feeling if we don't do anything about it?
if we don't make it worthwhile.

happy thanksgiving!! :)

The Traveler said...

I love your writing style.
It is more like poetry than prose.
Reads like Hemmingway.
Always interesting, even when it is not.
Know what I mean?
You were the second blog I found.
Great story.
Writing like you
or at least trying to
in case you didn't know.
Big fan.
Hugs.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Chris- Good stuff, always good stuff. Love the way you follow a thought all the way to its interesting end, or a new beginning. I too am a realist with a glass that I keep half full, because I choose to.

Rettakat said...

No surprise that I wholeheartedly agree with you... excellent post. I hope those that might feel a teensy defensive, will really hear what you are saying. It could be life changing... very liberating.

And there was a time when I had my suitcases out, packing to leave him. Because I "felt" hurt and angry. But God said no. I just knew it. I had the same line in the sand as you (violence or infedelity) and he hadn't crossed it. So I had to stay and work it out in spite of how I felt.

For me... God did a miracle, really. My husband didn't change... I did. How I looked at things. How I reacted. And I remembered why I had loved him in the first place... and gradually healing came.

But first, the choice.
Second, the feelings.

I'm glad you are still going to keep this blog going, even with the new one starting up.

Loretta
=^..^=

birchgirl said...

Hmmm interesting. I have always been disdainful of "feelings", but I think that is part of the reason I got fat. Acknowledging feelings is not the same as being ruled by them, or moping around about them.

My son has developmental delays because of a medical error. It has been better for me lately to acknowledge that, yes, I am pretty fucking pissed about that, and move on. Rather than eating bags of pretzels and dip.

C. said...

I'm from a military family, too. In that regard, I understand your view on what is or isn't "fair."

I wouldn't consider myself an emotional person...but after reading this my immediate reaction is to say, "that's sad."

I hope that you allow yourself to at least revel in the positive feelings you have on occasion.

Thank you for posting...Your humor (about wallopiing the hoo etc...) is a great way to start my morning. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you more.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Inspiring post, Chris. I wish I had grown up in an atmosphere where feeling could just BE without affecting my behavior, my productiveness or my life. Unfortunately, my mental illness makes me more susceptible to my feelings.

Christine said...

@ c., I am a happy person most of the time. Mostly because I let go of things I have no control over and focus on the things I can. For me, it's the key to being content. I find it sad when people allow their emotions to dictate their choices to the point they have ruined their lives for momentary pits of despair. The saying "This too shall pass" is a good one.

outdoor.mom said...

you are right!! we have to do what whe don't feel like all the time. Eating is no different. Every time i don't feel like having a salad, and i do, i am glad anyway :-) good examples :-)
A lot of women up here did the hcg diet. i was mildly jealous in a way of how fast everybody lost weight. i just didn't feel right about doing it myself. i'm happy for their loss but it means more to me to be healthy and have muscle than a temp weight loss. Its all about the ultimate outcome. Happy Thanksgiving Chris!!

Robin said...

I read this last night and was too tired to comment. I think that you are mostly right. What you know grounds you. However, sometimes what you FEEL motivates you. And that may not be what you were talking about in this post, but emotions are important. What you FELT at Build A Bear changed your life. It propelled you into action. Our feelings can and do motivate us to do the things that we KNOW need to be done. Our feelings walk hand in hand with what we know. I never bet against my gut. Not anymore. And that is what I feel. I am not sure that is precisely what you are getting at here. But I felt it was worth saying. You can take it or leave it. As always, I say it with love.

Christine said...

@ Robin, yeah, like I said..your feelings can guide you. At build a bear I felt humiliated...and If that was all that happened, that feeling of humiliation..I wouldn't have gotten any better. It was in that moment that I KNEW I could do better. It's what I knew that propelled me.
You can feel strong one day and weak the next. but if you live by your principles your feelings won't hold as much sway over your forward momentum.

Putz said...

now after the last 2 months of posts that you are definetly not a weight loss blog, but a life motivation blodg>?>?>??>so quit fooling yourself and get a motivator license cause you are a motivator and have helpped me in my direction^^^^^^^up UP and away><<><><>back in 1969{now don't tell anyone} when i was in the army at an old age of 26, going through basic<><><><>i was waiting all day to make a call to my wife<><><>well i wasn't eating fast enough when the drill sargeant said if it is in your mouth swallow it, if not gett up and give your seat to another soldier<><><><>oh by the way it was my birthday april 30th<><><>i must have not been listening so i put a bite of food in my mouth<><><>i was on k.p. 3 straight days<><><><>and also stood up in the middle of machine gun fire<><><<>it was never me alweays the army right or wrong>>>the army>><<>love you the putz

Putz said...

now after the last 2 months of posts that you are definetly not a weight loss blog, but a life motivation blodg>?>?>??>so quit fooling yourself and get a motivator license cause you are a motivator and have helpped me in my direction^^^^^^^up UP and away><<><><>back in 1969{now don't tell anyone} when i was in the army at an old age of 26, going through basic<><><><>i was waiting all day to make a call to my wife<><><>well i wasn't eating fast enough when the drill sargeant said if it is in your mouth swallow it, if not gett up and give your seat to another soldier<><><><>oh by the way it was my birthday april 30th<><><>i must have not been listening so i put a bite of food in my mouth<><><>i was on k.p. 3 straight days<><><><>and also stood up in the middle of machine gun fire<><><<>it was never me alweays the army right or wrong>>>the army>><<>love you the putz