Every day till May 18th....

That is how the exercise will go for the next few months.
Every day.
And...
I found my new best friend.
salad.
I found a salad I like.
It has feta...mmmm....feta.
lol.
First let's look at my day and yesterday as well.
BOth were really good.
I ate under 1500 both days.
Yesterday I had an 800 calorie burn with one hour on the elliptical, a half mile walk, 158 situps, and upper body weights.
I felt great.
Today I did a combination of things.
I did 20 minutes on the stair stepper and burned 165 calories
I did 22 minutes on a puny elliptical (not my precor ;oP) and burned 150 calories.
Then I did a 2 mile walk which burned 200 calories.
Grand total 515 calories burned.
Tomorrow it's back to my precor, situps and weights.
I think I will take a three mile walk on Thursday to avoid burnout.
Then back to the gym for friday and saturday with a four mile walk at home on Sunday.
Exercising keeps me focused and gives me momentum.
It works for me.
just 'not eating'.
Feels like crap.
I want to feel like I am doing something.

I wanted to say a little more about my philosophy regarding humiliation or negativity.
If humiliation had worked for me I would have been thin years ago.
I was mooed at.
I was called names.
I once had a guy throw a milk carton at me and call me a cow.
(clever)
I was told I would be 'pretty' if only I would drop thirty pounds.
(upon hearing this bit of news, I dropped around 180 lbs by dropping the drip who said it)
But you know, nobody could say anything to me that I hadn't said to myself.
I called myself
cow
big fat pig
dummy
stupid
loser
moron
glutton
hog....
You name it. Having it come out of someone else's mouth was not a surprise, it was a confirmation.
And when you truly believe you are all those things.
Why try?
My own mother threatened to call Richard simmons.
On my brother in laws wedding day I was so fat I had to borrow a dress shirt from my other bil because the outfit I picked was too tight by the time the wedding rolled around.
I attended that wedding in a pair of stretchy pants and a button up mens shirt.
That was humiliating.
I spent years avoiding swimming pools and parties and pictures.
What was different On May 4th 2009?
Me.
I had worked out a lot of my emotional issues before coming to my inspiration that day.
I KNEW I WAS WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
I didn't get up the courage to tell people to take a flying leap by thinking I was a big bag of crap.
I got up the courage to set boundaries, to go to the gym and take time for myself because I finally got that I was worth it.
That I was a person of worth.
That I had a life to live, one that God had given me, and that If I didn't start doing something my kids would lose their mother, my husband a wife, and me...
Well, I would lose out on life.
And suddenly, the food was no longer worth it.
It wasn't worth the pain, and the humiliation and the sickness and everything else.
I knew I deserved better.
And so do every one of you.
I know where you are when you binge.
I HAVE DONE IT.
When you binge you are telling yourself you don't matter, what you want doesn't matter and that you aren't worth it.
I can't come along behind you and tell you the same thing your brain is already telling you.
because your brain is LYING TO YOU.
I will tell you that YOU ARE WORTH IT.
You CAN DO IT.
Don't quit.
Even if you fail, get UP.
Get back on the horse.
Don't look back...go forward.
Keep trying.
quitting will do NO GOOD.
So, as a matter of endurance or stubborness, or whatever...
I am going to show you all that you can move every day for six months and not drop dead.
I really do like you guys immensely...
I root for you like you all root for me.
We can do this.
My goal for my birthday is to be 140 lbs.
This will put me in my 'normal' range.
5'4 inches and 140 lbs.
I don't want to spend another birthday overweight.
I have been overweight or fat on my birthday for the last 16 years.
My birthday is March 17th.
For whatever reason I think I can do it.
well, mostly because of this exercise thing.
lol.
Well...that's all for tonight.
Have a good night guys.
Hugs,
Chris