D2- Destructive thought patterns...why I harp on them.

Hey guys...Day 2 in the bag...well, it's not actually in the bag till your head hits your pillow...but my calories are sitting at 1100...(1460 was the total  yesterday) and I am having fish and three cups of veggies with an egg on top for dinner..that will bring me in at 1470 calories today... I like to give myself room in case I missed or mismeasured.  So anywhoozle...
Negative thought patterns..
I used to be the queen of them..
of course I didn't think I was being negative back then..I thought I was being  'realistic'.
I went back in time and what do you know...
I found some examples of my mindset from about a month into my journey.

Here are some of my self destructive thought patterns for the day. June 25th, 2009....
This was me explaining them and how I fought them.

1.) I will just take today off, and climb back on tomorrow. (we all know this one, it usually precedes a week long binge in which the 12.4 lbs you managed to whittle off your fat frame leaps back on at an amazing pace.)

2.) I don't want to walk today, it's too hot. (This one won until 8 o clock at night, it had cooled considerably and my little excuse was no longer true. Whatever else I am, I am a truth teller. I did only one mile. I am committing myself to two tommorrow, even if the sun tears my hide off....current weather prediction tommorrow...88 degrees, ugh)

3.) I will just try 'eating healthy'. I believe this little thought pattern is what bumped me off Atkins after about four months and 30 lbs. I was once down to 215. Eating healthy is usually and slowly replaced with "eating everything'. Just sayin'.

4.) Yesterdays walk-halfway through. My stinking thinking was in high gear. thoughts include "you idiot, how did you ever let yourself get so fat". Or, "Everybody who is driving by is probably thinking I look like a fat pig." and "Isn't it laughable really, the walking that turns me beat red is this teenagers normal pace'.
I actually had to say to myself; "Self, talking to yourself this way isn't going to do you any good whatsoever. Bad talk is what got you where you are, and at least you are doing something about it now. You are taking control of your future. This is all one day at a time."

And then I thought about all of that positive self talk, and what should pop into my head but Jack Sh*t's gettin fit blog....namely his June 17th "how to stop being a wally whiny britches blog.....and this little quote...."Try a daily affirmation, such as “Affirmations aren’t really as stupid and silly as I think they are.”

Then I laughed hard and stopped feeling sorry for myself.
I have said many many times that I understand the thought process people have..I know why they call themselves names..or why they feel bad..They feel like the let themselves down.
Well, talking that way is a sure way to defeat yourself before you even begin...
You have to stop that awful loop in your head..
The one telling you that you are ridiculous..That people think you look ridiculous..
The one telling you it's too late.
or it's too hard.
or your not strong enough..
or Jeez, after 50 pounds I am still fat!
That one will get to you too...if you have a lot of weight to lose..
especially women.
because you have been eating bean sprouts and lean protein for four months..and then some jagoff moos at you from his car.
And you think..
What's the point...
The point is...he will always be an idiot..
But someday, you won't be fat anymore.
in fact...that same guy might shout 'nice @ss." one day.
not that you want him to notice..
because you are too good for him anyways..
But still...
Start talking to yourself like you would talk to your very best friend in the world.
If you call yourself fat or stupid...say out loud.."stop it".
I did that yesterday..
after my car was wrecked.
I simply stopped myself from doing that.
It does no good.
It is harmful.
Make a new tape.
To replace the old one...
for every fat cow your mind utters...(oh, I wanted to write udders..lol...But I am being good)
say, I am doing this for me, and I am beautiful right now..and getting better all the time.
Don't just get rid of the tape..
make a new one.
I will talk a lot more about this.
That tape wasn't just made by you...but by many many people.
That is further down the road when we start identifying the lies we believe about ourselves and where we got the lies from..
But I hope you all had a great night.
I did..I got my whole body workout in..a one mile walk and 10 minutes on the arc trainer...awesome.
Chris out. 


Member of the Justice League said...

For the challenge, you asked us for reasons on why we want to lose weight and whether we think we'll be successful. Here goes . . .

Why do I want to lose weight? I'm not in poor health - no high blood pressure, no aching knees, I can keep up with my children. None of those things are my reasons.

One superficial reason is I want to be more imposing. Let me explain: I'm a woman over six feet tall & I'll be starting law school in the fall. I think I'll be a more intimidating litigator if I'm tall, lean and strong instead of tall and squishy.

Another superficial reason is I want to look hot in great clothes. I'm happily married, but part of me wants to be noticed as a good looking woman & not just by my husband.

One of the biggest root reasons I want to lose weight is that I don't want to waste any more time being fat. I set the alarm clock for early in the morning on vacation so that I don't miss a moment. An older woman I know and love is in her sixties. She's working hard and taking the weight off now, but how many years of mobility could she have had? I want to change now, be strong and lean now; I don't want to waste any more time.

Do I think I'll be successful? Up until now, it's always seemed like my previous weight loss attempts have been waylaid by pregnancy. We have our seven children and our family is complete so I won't be getting pregnant unless God seriously intervenes. I'll be successful until that first guy says, "Hey good lookin'", and I flip out emotionally.

I want to figure out how to move past that moment & how to make healthy eating as natural a part of my life as the exercise seems to have become.

Christine said...

I have done that..of course..flipped out emotionally. I have started to move past it with a combination of 'taking it as a compliment not a threat'. lol and ignoring it. I know that sounds weird..I enjoy it..but before I used to feel threatened..now I ignore it by looking the other way. So I just say to myself..well, that's nice...no back to work. lol. It works for some reason. I am glad y ou are doing it all for you. my oldest is tall as well (not 6 foot, but 5'9) and I agree..a sharp, well dressed, lean and hungry looking lawyer would sure be more intimidating. You can totally do this.

Robin said...

Awesome post and completely relatable whether you have weight issues or not. Everyone has negative tape loops. Well, most people. Maybe the uber-mentally healthy have managed to kick those negative tape loops to the curb. However, I think we all find ourselves doing battle with a negative tape loop of some kind at some point in our life. It is figuring out that it is a tape loop that is the first step. And the second step is realizing that you have the power to hit the OFF switch. The third is that you can re-record the tape. The fact that some people never figure out that there is a tape loop running tells you just how messed up people are. How many times you have to hit the OFF button before it stays off is another kicker. And that "aha" moment when you figure out you can make your own tape... so many people NEVER get there. Or life socks them a whallop and they shove that old, forgotten tape right back in the player undoing years of work. Yeah, that can happen, too. People are CRAZY. That cleaning out the chicken coop sometimes feels like a full time job....

Christine said...

Amen Robin...the idea that I could reprogram me..that was huge..and that is a concept I will be getting to in a month or so....

Hanlie said...

This is so crucial and something I've been working on for a while. The hard work is paying off, because I'm running different tapes now. Oh sure, I still sometimes hit the wrong station, but I quickly recognize it and turn the dial. Once you've established different pathways in your brain - yes, through affirmations - it becomes relatively effortless to find them when you need them.

I find that I'm quite immune against the comments and perceived criticism of strangers, but my family can cause the needle to jump to the old tracks and I have to be super vigilant about that. Some people are easier to love from afar, at least until we've grown strong enough not to be affected by them.

Tammy said...

I've been paying attention to my tape since you emailed the question. Scary stuff.

Julie said...

If we said even one of the things we say to our self to one of our children or parents, the relationship would be damaged and the pain it would cause them would be tremendous. So, why is it okay to say it to our selves? I love this challenge to focus and be honest. I blogged my reasons for weight loss and they are all superficial. But it was honest. I actually admitted to myself and others out loud the real reasons. That in itself was an accomplishment. Now I know. I can work with that. I know I have some inner work to do. Being honest felt so nice. Thank you.

Joy said...

Great post - I can be so hard on myself! Just the other day, I called myself stupid. Thankfully someone next to me, caught it rebuked me and set me straight! I can remember the first time someone called me stupid and it was when I was four. My dad did it. I'm fifty and it's still stuck! I am working on getting that one out of my head! For the love!!

Keep focused!

paulawannacracker said...

Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. I LIKE THAT... I reminded myself the other day that if I think negative thoughts, then negative results is what I'm gonna get but if I "flip it" well, nice things can happen. I learned that only I can change my attitude.... no one can do it for me...

Great reminder Chris.