Day 16 - A picture is worth a thousand words...

I would like to preface these pictures with some excuse...but I don't have one.
I was in complete denial about my weight. I had no idea until May 4th, 2009 that I was this fat. I don't know how. I can't explain why...So I will just post this first picture.
This was taken
at the chapel hills mall on May 4,2009. I was about 20 minutes away from my flip switching. It is a rarity that someone comes this close to having the exact moment their life changes photographed...for this I will be eternally grateful to my friend Amber...at faith,love, kids & me. Her blog is to the left, she is training for a half marathon..so drop in and give her some encouragement. At the time she took this picture, she had no idea what she was doing was capturing a moment in time for me. Thank you Amber.
You will have to enlarge the picture (just click on it to enlarge it). I knew amber was taking pictures of the girls, so I was half hidden behind a shelf. But you can see me. I am the one sipping the coffee in a sweater I thought "Hid my weight'....

The next is about one week after I started dieting and exercising, but before I had weighed myself...I am guessing 265 or 268 area. Size 24 pants. This was our girl scout tea party.
I am the lady in the denim shirt with my arms crossed. Again, enlarge by clicking.

The little girl standing is my Sophia.

This is me as of about one hour ago... 198 lbs. Size 18 pants. (I did pull some 16's up and over my rear end...but was about three inches from zipping.)

I went to the gym. Again.
I hopped on Christian for 70 minutes...burned 600 calories and traveled 5 miles.
He takes longer than Arnold, but he's more elegant.
Then I stretched, stretched and stretched some more.
Tomorrow is my day off, Wednesday.
Thursday is Thanksgiving...and if you are wondering if I am going to the gym...I am.
While I am sweating, I can thank God I ain't as fat as I used to be.
I have realized that for the rest of my life, It is going to have to be day one-year zero.
After seeing those pictures, I have realized that I will never be able to 'eyeball' portions.
I will have to be forever vigilant.
That's okay, better vigilant than sorry.
This really is for the rest of my life.
The good parts and the hard parts....but I would rather have the body I earned through hard work, discipline and exercise than the body I earned through mindless eating and self delusion.
I feel stronger every day.
Mentally stronger.
That is one of the best parts of this whole journey.
I was always one of those people who prided myself on my mental toughness.
But having victories under my belt has gone a long way in putting strut supports up in my mind.
It has given me the knowledge that I can achieve whatever I set out to do If I apply concentrated effort and am willing to pay the price dictated by whatever activity I choose.
Weight loss does come with a price.
I can't eat my feelings, I have to face them.
I don't get to be the comforting, non-threatening, maiden aunt type anymore.
Or whatever it was I was going for.
When I get to my goal weight, I won't ever be able to say someone treated me badly, or left me because of my weight.
At that point, if someone doesn't like me....they just don't like me.
I'm good with that.
I don't feel the need to be liked by all anymore.
I want to like me.
Every moment is a new opportunity to choose your direction.
I have been reading a book about Jewish mysticism...they say that every moment, God is creating the world anew through his intentions.
We do the same.
Hope you are being deliberate and intentional with your life and your choices.


jo said...

You look amazing. What a fantastic transformation. Below 200, 18 jeans--WOW, congrats!

Earning it is great, isn't it?

I plan to work out on Thanksgiving as well. =)

Sheilagh said...

WoW you look Fabulous,
great post:0)

Anonymous said...

Wow. Beautiful.

And I love the part where you talked about remaining vigilant, always measuring, never eyeballing, etc. Because it's true. And I know people who are very angered by that, who fight it, who feel constrained by it - when really I see it as the thing that sets us free.

Great post. Great pics. Congrats.

The neverending journey said...

Wow. You have come so far. I just recently found your blog, and I find your story very inspiring. I love how you have names for the machines. Congrats on your sucess so far.

I think in the very beginning I would not let myself realize that I will have to continue eating and measuring like I do now. I think back then it would have been too much and I would have given up before I even started. Now I know there is no going back to eating that way, and I wouldn't want to if I could. I have so much more energy and feel so much better.

South Beach Steve said...

Chris, you have really done well so far. I am really proud of you. It is great that you are already looking at this as a permanent lifestyle change though - that is what it has to be for success.

Melissa said...

You are correct. You never get to put it on auto-pilot, but it's so worth it!
The transformation is amazing. I bet people are floored by the "new you"

karen@fitnessjourney said...

Great, thoughtful post. I think that your success comes from you willingness to be honest with yourself. You look terrific too! I am always amazed how much younger people look when they are making healthy choices in their lives. I wish you all the happiness and continued success in the world. You are truly an inspiration to your readers.

Running for a Cause said...

Wow! Chris those pictures really show a journey that you have been through. Incredible how much weight you have lost with decipline, Great Job!! I love reading your blog you are soo inspiring!

Need Help Badly-

Joanne said...

Oh wow thanks for posting!!! You have done amazing and look fabulous!! Glad you stopped by my blog - as we both agree this is a lifetime and the realizations you have come to and living each day will help you remain a healthy and happy woman for a long time to come. Cheers!!!

Unknown said...

Nothing compares to OLD pictures to see how far we have come. AMAZING! I love that you shared these. You look TERRIFIC!!!

Thank you! :)

Jack Sh*t, Gettin Fit said...

You are quite the inspiration, Chris. Yes, it's amazing the power of a bad photograph. I have one of those, too, but I'm having trouble remembering what I named it on my laptop. Lardass.jpg? Fatfreak.jpg? OliverHardyLookingMF.jpg? I'll dig it up eventually...

Foodie Girl said...


You are AMAZING girl!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Chris, what a *wonderful* visual for the progress you've made and the victory you are living one day at a time. Keep it up, friend - you're doing an amazing thing!

deisegal said...

Such an amazing transformation. And what's even better is you're so determined to push on and not rest on your laurels. You are very inspiring

266 said...

These pics really tell the story! I haven't checked in with you the last few days and I missed your own onederland post! I am so excited for you!!! Congratulations on reaching that huge milestone and on keeping with it! You rock, Chris!!!

Unknown said...

Wow Chris, all I can say is Wow. You have done a fantastic job and are my inspiration. I am thankful I have found your blog and that are my online friend.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Amber said...

Wow! The new photos are great!
Even in person you till wear larger clothes so seeing you in a fitted top and pants really shows your progress.
Amazing. And you really do look younger!
Ok, I'll just say it, you, my friend are georgous.
Yep, just a little jealous.

Have a great Turkey Day, at the gym.

Christine said...

um, shhhh....I am supposed to be confident and oozing around in slinky dresses...not shlupping in the shirts I wore sixty pounds ago...lol. I can't help it...I hope I get better about the whole thing soon...maybe, the shirts are still my security blanket.

Hanlie said...

Amazing progress, Chris! The most noticeable part is how much more confident and empowered you look now. Awesome!

Christine Jeske said...

You are amazing! Thanks you for sharing this. I am a shorty so although my SW is lower, ppl don't realize how big I was-- I was in 24s too! I especially loved the second to last line, the Jewish saying. Wow. That really hit me. ♥

Anonymous said...

Great job! You look wonderful. You should be so proud of yourself.

Joania said...

Looking good baby, looking good!!! Way to go, keep it up :)

bluenotes said...

oh my god you look completely amazing! you've lost SO MUCH WEIGHT! congratulations!

38 year old big girl said...

I just came across your blog. It is one of the most honestly written hard core and blatant motivational blogs I have read. Thank you. I am just starting my journey, but you are a piece of my inspiration. I know you are speaking the truth about doing this every day,starting at zero. Ive just got to learn slowly and surely to do it. so thanks.