Day 16 - A picture is worth a thousand words...

I would like to preface these pictures with some excuse...but I don't have one.
I was in complete denial about my weight. I had no idea until May 4th, 2009 that I was this fat. I don't know how. I can't explain why...So I will just post this first picture.
This was taken
at the chapel hills mall on May 4,2009. I was about 20 minutes away from my flip switching. It is a rarity that someone comes this close to having the exact moment their life changes photographed...for this I will be eternally grateful to my friend Amber...at faith,love, kids & me. Her blog is to the left, she is training for a half marathon..so drop in and give her some encouragement. At the time she took this picture, she had no idea what she was doing was capturing a moment in time for me. Thank you Amber.
You will have to enlarge the picture (just click on it to enlarge it). I knew amber was taking pictures of the girls, so I was half hidden behind a shelf. But you can see me. I am the one sipping the coffee in a sweater I thought "Hid my weight'....
Yeah.










The next is about one week after I started dieting and exercising, but before I had weighed myself...I am guessing 265 or 268 area. Size 24 pants. This was our girl scout tea party.
I am the lady in the denim shirt with my arms crossed. Again, enlarge by clicking.








The little girl standing is my Sophia.



This is me as of about one hour ago... 198 lbs. Size 18 pants. (I did pull some 16's up and over my rear end...but was about three inches from zipping.)




So,
I went to the gym. Again.
I hopped on Christian for 70 minutes...burned 600 calories and traveled 5 miles.
He takes longer than Arnold, but he's more elegant.
Then I stretched, stretched and stretched some more.
Tomorrow is my day off, Wednesday.
Thursday is Thanksgiving...and if you are wondering if I am going to the gym...I am.
While I am sweating, I can thank God I ain't as fat as I used to be.
I have realized that for the rest of my life, It is going to have to be day one-year zero.
After seeing those pictures, I have realized that I will never be able to 'eyeball' portions.
I will have to be forever vigilant.
That's okay, better vigilant than sorry.
This really is for the rest of my life.
The good parts and the hard parts....but I would rather have the body I earned through hard work, discipline and exercise than the body I earned through mindless eating and self delusion.
I feel stronger every day.
Mentally stronger.
That is one of the best parts of this whole journey.
I was always one of those people who prided myself on my mental toughness.
But having victories under my belt has gone a long way in putting strut supports up in my mind.
It has given me the knowledge that I can achieve whatever I set out to do If I apply concentrated effort and am willing to pay the price dictated by whatever activity I choose.
Weight loss does come with a price.
I can't eat my feelings, I have to face them.
I don't get to be the comforting, non-threatening, maiden aunt type anymore.
Or whatever it was I was going for.
When I get to my goal weight, I won't ever be able to say someone treated me badly, or left me because of my weight.
At that point, if someone doesn't like me....they just don't like me.
I'm good with that.
I don't feel the need to be liked by all anymore.
I want to like me.
Every moment is a new opportunity to choose your direction.
I have been reading a book about Jewish mysticism...they say that every moment, God is creating the world anew through his intentions.
We do the same.
Hope you are being deliberate and intentional with your life and your choices.
Hugs,
Chris