You'll notice that I stopped counting...I realized I had been counting down to onederland...well, I made it.
So, if you get there you stop counting.
Starting on December 1rst, I am going to count down to the new year. Then I am counting down to our trip back east.
I had an interesting conversation with someone the other day. It irritated me.
Strike that...
It enraged me
I have busted my *ss to get where I am.
This person knows that.
They have this 'idea' that all anyone needs to do is 'listen' to when they are hungry.
This person has never been morbidly obese, ever.
If I even had the slightest ability to discern real hunger and emotional hunger, I never would have gotten to 130 lbs over my ideal weight.
Well, they just stopped eating when they weren't 'hungry' and 'dropped a couple of pants sizes".
GOOD FOR YOU.
Sorry, I can't just 'drop' a couple of pants sizes.
I can't just eat an apple here, or a carrot there.
This is the same person who thinks an alcoholic can drink in moderation.
It . drives. me. INSANE.
I will be seeing this person in a few months.
I sooooo badly want to go in there rocking a size ten minimum...
and then say
that I just
dropped
into
it....
It would definitely take some doing, but nothing gets me going like wanting to pound someone into sand.
This is why I don't compete. I will go until I collapse OR win.
But after that phone call I just wanted to do two hours of cardio and start dropping pounds.
I have key lime pie left and everything else...I didn't touch a thing today.
I have seven months left to bring it, and bring it I will.
I am not going to starve myself.
I am not going to injure myself.
Right now I am 198.
By January 1rst, I want to be 190.
I am hoping to drop 52 lbs by July 18th, 2010.
That would be an average of 2 lbs a week for 6 and a half months. At the end...2 lbs a week would be extremely hard to do...but I might have so much momentum going by then that I would be willing to do a 1200 calorie day...we'll see.
If I lose focus, I could sign up for another 'conversation'....
I am going to focus right now on day by day. Until January 1rst...and then see what my position is. I am ready to drop former fat girl status and enter the green with envy phase of my journey. I don't ever want to listen to someone blather on about their size 14's and tell me how happy they are for my health.
I know this sounds ungrateful...
I can't explain the conversations I have with this person, but the words and the vibes never add up.
If I am in an 8, that shoulder pat ain't gonna happen.
It's on baby.
I hope you guys are primed, locked and loaded.
Hugs,
Chris
9 comments:
Ah! Eminem is definitely who I would be listening to when working out! Great post! I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!!
I just love how bad*ss you are. Love it. When I'm feeling apathetic about anything -- going for a run, doing my classwork, whatever -- I read your blog and feel ready to bring it.
I remember watching an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show years ago when she first spoke of her struggle with weight loss. It was the first time that I had ever heard the concept "emotional eating". I really didn't understand until I saw that show that people often eat as a way of comforting themselves. We were a family that talked out our problems, I was one of the lucky ones. Not everyone is that fortunate.
It sounds like this person has no frame of reference when it comes to this situation. I truly hope that she becomes more informed. When I was ignorant about emotional eating, I may have thought the same thing that she did. (I'd like to think I wouldn't have shoved my success in someone's face though!)
The upside is that you didn't let her comments lead to a binge. You took that as a challenge to kick it into full gear.
I love your attitude! I just gave you an award at my blog.
whoo hooo! You go girl! I think having a spark behind you is great! I know losing weight is not easy, it doesnt ever just fall off of me either. lol Actually you made a comment about what a difference a year makes on my last post but it was actually TWO years ago....lol See Im a SLOW loser! But ya know what, that is OK, I am chuggin along, doing my best and feeling so much better in the end. SO I guess what I am saying is it doesnt really matter WHEN you drop 5 or 10 pounds or what you weight in on Jan 1st. Its that you are sticking to it. You are making the change! :) I am so happy for you! :)
BTW... did I tell you I was in Colorado Springs this past October? I had never seen the mountains before then. OMG... they are absolutely beautiful. I cried when I saw them.
I will post pictures one day of my visit to your beautiful state and city. Manitou was my favorite spot though!
I love your attitude and your focus. I AM WITH YOU GIRL!! Let's get it on!!!
Congrats on getting to onederland Chris!
Love it and I'm going to love watching you KICK ASS!
Chris, the older I get, the more I realize that if you haven't lived through something, you cannot understand it completely. If you have never had a food addiction, or an emotional eating problem, you cannot understand how impossible it is to "listen to your body". I listened to my body most of my life. It said, "Eat more, it is GOOD!", "You can handle just a little more!", "Come on, the diet can wait until tomorrow!". I have finally realized my body likes to tell lies to me. I do try to listen to it now, but that is only because I have spent the last 16 months retraining it to understand what real hunger is.
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