well,
Happy New year! Or it soon will be.
I get all my best ideas from facebook lately..
that's where the quote up there came from...
No, it isn't some old witticism from an uncle...or something my Grammy used to say.
It's something that popped into my head while talking to a person I happen to be related to.
(You can't pick your relatives, can you? can you.....sigh.)
In this case....it's a cousin by marriage.
Here are some examples of his thinking..
I do this because when the thinking is this egregious, I have no problem exposing it.
Here is his excuse as to why he can't get a job.
(keep in mind I have changed NOTHING in either form or content...this is aaaaalll him.)
" if I get a job n bust my ass for minimum wage well make less money than just having state assiatance"
NICE.
"I grew up poor. I'm still growing up poor. N iv realised that your better off having parents with nice jobs than even trying cuz they will just shit on u. Yes fucki.g try. But no matter what. Wothout a fuckton of luck your going to get stonewalled by some greedy capitalstic ass. N I am a hardcore
socialist but I would also love to work for our government but honestly if I worked in public office I would find it un"constitutional" in a personal way to earn more than minimum wage. And trus me I've seen first hand that we are not free to succeed. Yah. 40 years ago we cud. But nowadays its 70% who you know 10% what u can get away with and 20% what you know. That's the formula for true capitalism. Succeeding in perso.al greed no matter what the cost.
Now I do this...not to pick on socialists. (or even his atrocious spelling and grammar)
I do it to make a point.
"We" (he and I) grew up the same way.
My 'father' abandoned us.
My mom worked crappy minimum wage jobs.
The difference?
My mom believed in hard work and owning your mistakes.
She also never would have allowed this much whine without some cheese.
But I digress.
You see...he considers it greedy to work for a living, but living off of other people is okay with him.
My mom had help, had public assistance...but it was necessary, and when she got back on her feet she stopped. She worked all the way through. It's not that he can't work, it's that he WON'T work.
After I finished reading all of his excuses...
That was the phrase that popped into my head.
The title of this blog..
He has a mind full of "cant's"...
He is my daughter's age.
She will be supporting him with her tax dollars.
My daughter who has succeeded...not because we 'know anyone' or because she has been lucky.
She hasn't succeeded because we are unbelievably wealthy.
She has succeeded because:
She has been diligent.
She has worked hard.
She has sacrificed and will continue to do so.
Even my ten year old said..
"Everyone knows you have to work hard to get ahead'..
I said, "How do you know that?"
And Kate says, "You say it ALL the time!"
And I do.
I believe it.
Now.
I took a long hard look at the old me.
I sounded like that once.
I was that mired in "can't"...once.
I was CONVINCED I couldn't. lose. weight.
Nothing could have convinced me otherwise.
It was depressing, and awful.
But the thing is...I never really tried.
I thought I tried...but I was trying to find a magic pill.
and when the magic pill didn't work I would try the quick fix diet.
The idea that it would take a long time, that I would have to sacrifice and change?
That idea never seemed like a very good one.
I was convinced I didn't have what it took.
I didn't want to change me....I wanted life to change.
I wanted food to be calorie free..
I wanted my body to decide to magically shed my fat.
I would dream about being thin, and then wake up fat.
I would be angry and depressed...
and I would talk badly to myself...
I would make excuses to myself..
I would eat bad food and feel worse.
And none of that DID A DAMN THING.
And then luckily, one day POOF?
lol,
no.
It wasn't a one day thing..it was a cascade of reality....
I changed one thing..my marriage....by saying out loud what I wanted...
to the person who could actually do something about it...my husband..
It turns out that what I wanted to change most, I changed about me...
The only person I can control is ME.
Once I got a taste of what it was to change something for the better, to realize that the locus of control is WITHIN ME....
well, that is when the tumblers began to fall into place.
What he doesn't understand, and for a long time what I didn't understand....is that you can't control your father, or your mother, or really anything or anyone around you.
You can't control others...
You control YOU.
You control how you act and react.
I still remember reading this quote:
...Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
That quote is from Viktor Frankl...a holocaust survivor...and someone who would know what it means to choose your attitude in difficult situations.
Whether or not you feel fat today...well, that shouldn't determine whether you eat crap or not.
Whether your husband loves you or doesn't.
Whether your father was a good father, or your mother showed you what hard work was...
This isn't their life, it's yours..and at the end of the day, you are the one who has got to look back on it and live with what you did or didn't accomplish.
And I didn't want fat to define me.
I looked in that mirror and said "OH HELL NO."
And I no longer accepted that being fat was my 'destiny'..any more than being a loser who doesn't work is my cousin's destiny.
IT'S HIS CHOICE.
Whether you think you can't or you can...your right.
And you can change that brain full of can't into a brain full of "can" like this.
snap.
You are who you think you are.
You are worth what you think you are worth..
and you can do what you think you can do.
Here is to 2012.
Chris out.
12.31.2011
12.29.2011
choices...sometimes we make bad ones....
LOL. I read that the other day on Facebook.
It was a comment written by an old friend from high school.
And boy is it ever true.
I didn't make a bad choice today.
I made good ones.
I have made bad choices in the past..
(obviously..you don't get morbidly obese by consistantly making great food choices, now do you?)
Choices usually build on each other.
Get some good choices under your belt, and you build good choice momentum.
A few bad choices and it's the same thing.
From my recent experience of Good choice making...
Here is the thought process
I am tired and getting gas. (This is tonight folks)
I told the kids I would get them gummies.
I am hungry.
I am in the gas station...
I could just buy a candy bar.
It's only 210 calories (for a hershey's bar)
or 250 for a milky way bar (caramel).
Now..hungry, cranky and tired....
How do I say no to that?
Well,
here's how.
Okay, you know it will taste good..let's not bullshit ourselves.
But, they are so small, and you know it won't fill you up.
(see that's number one...once you start where do you stop?)
You eat the candy bar, you aren't full...you've already "blown it" so what is the point...
(BTW...this is fat brain speaking, and it is usually your fat brain giving your ID the go light to pig out...you have not blown it if you have eaten something you shouldn't have, just get right back on program and let it go...)
And knowing my defective brain...it's burgers, fries and popcorn from there..
So, best not to start..
so, hows about something sweet that is kinda junky, but more filling...like sweetened almonds...
HOLY CRAPSTICKS...300 calories!
No way...
I don't like almonds that much.
okay, how about something sweet with no calories...coke zero it is. lol.
look at that...got something sweet with no calorie payment.
okay...still hungry.
You know you have fish at home...( I say in my brain)
You said you would make it and some grilled zucchini...so why are you hovering over the candy aisle when you know it won't fill you up, it will set off a binge and you will feel shitty about blowing your workout today for something that took 3 minutes to eat?
DON'T DO IT.
I didn't..
And when I got in that car and went home without all that.
I felt like a winner.
But you have to get out of whatever situation you are in with your eating integrity intact.
so just start thinking.
Don't turn off your brain.
And,
Whatever you do, don't say
'OH, it won't matter...it's just one ____________"
day...meal...candy bar....
It does matter.
Each day matters...
If I burn 500 calories a day for two or three days...
say I have a 1500 calorie deficit..
and then I blow 1000 in a big old binge, and I do this every three days or so...
that ends up being around a 1000 calorie a week deficit..
or a one pound a month weight loss.
And really..who wouldn't get discourage with that..
If I didn't do that and I do 500 calories a day for 6 days out of the week with a caloric wash one day...That's almost 3.5 lbs a month...and in a year it's the difference between losing 12 lbs and losing 41 lbs.
Yes....That's how big a difference it makes.
I Just have to win the next battle...and take them as they come along.
I get hungry, and tired..and discouraged.
I write many times for me...It would be easy to sit down...open bag of doritos and watch bad remakes of jane austen movies.....
But I have to remind myself of what I want...
sometimes I have to do it daily..
sometimes HOURLY.
Whatever it takes.
I can do this.
We can do this.
Chris out.
It was a comment written by an old friend from high school.
And boy is it ever true.
I didn't make a bad choice today.
I made good ones.
I have made bad choices in the past..
(obviously..you don't get morbidly obese by consistantly making great food choices, now do you?)
Choices usually build on each other.
Get some good choices under your belt, and you build good choice momentum.
A few bad choices and it's the same thing.
From my recent experience of Good choice making...
Here is the thought process
I am tired and getting gas. (This is tonight folks)
I told the kids I would get them gummies.
I am hungry.
I am in the gas station...
I could just buy a candy bar.
It's only 210 calories (for a hershey's bar)
or 250 for a milky way bar (caramel).
Now..hungry, cranky and tired....
How do I say no to that?
Well,
here's how.
Okay, you know it will taste good..let's not bullshit ourselves.
But, they are so small, and you know it won't fill you up.
(see that's number one...once you start where do you stop?)
You eat the candy bar, you aren't full...you've already "blown it" so what is the point...
(BTW...this is fat brain speaking, and it is usually your fat brain giving your ID the go light to pig out...you have not blown it if you have eaten something you shouldn't have, just get right back on program and let it go...)
And knowing my defective brain...it's burgers, fries and popcorn from there..
So, best not to start..
so, hows about something sweet that is kinda junky, but more filling...like sweetened almonds...
HOLY CRAPSTICKS...300 calories!
No way...
I don't like almonds that much.
okay, how about something sweet with no calories...coke zero it is. lol.
look at that...got something sweet with no calorie payment.
okay...still hungry.
You know you have fish at home...( I say in my brain)
You said you would make it and some grilled zucchini...so why are you hovering over the candy aisle when you know it won't fill you up, it will set off a binge and you will feel shitty about blowing your workout today for something that took 3 minutes to eat?
DON'T DO IT.
I didn't..
And when I got in that car and went home without all that.
I felt like a winner.
But you have to get out of whatever situation you are in with your eating integrity intact.
so just start thinking.
Don't turn off your brain.
And,
Whatever you do, don't say
'OH, it won't matter...it's just one ____________"
day...meal...candy bar....
It does matter.
Each day matters...
If I burn 500 calories a day for two or three days...
say I have a 1500 calorie deficit..
and then I blow 1000 in a big old binge, and I do this every three days or so...
that ends up being around a 1000 calorie a week deficit..
or a one pound a month weight loss.
And really..who wouldn't get discourage with that..
If I didn't do that and I do 500 calories a day for 6 days out of the week with a caloric wash one day...That's almost 3.5 lbs a month...and in a year it's the difference between losing 12 lbs and losing 41 lbs.
Yes....That's how big a difference it makes.
I Just have to win the next battle...and take them as they come along.
I get hungry, and tired..and discouraged.
I write many times for me...It would be easy to sit down...open bag of doritos and watch bad remakes of jane austen movies.....
But I have to remind myself of what I want...
sometimes I have to do it daily..
sometimes HOURLY.
Whatever it takes.
I can do this.
We can do this.
Chris out.
12.28.2011
Are you ready?
I read something on facebook today..
about how hard it is to lose weight.
How hard it is to keep it off.
How this percent of people and that percent of people.
BULLSHIT.
They said a small percent of people take the weight off and keep it off.
You know why?
Because you have to want it.
Not kind of want it...
You have to want it more...
Want it more than you want a chicken nugget.
Want it more than you want ice cream.
Want it more than you want to sit on the couch wasting your life watching other people live theirs on the idiot box.
Want it more than the discomfort you feel when exercising.
Want it more than the ease of the familiar.
Want it more than you want to make excuses about why you can't.
Want it more than you want that reason why they left.
Want it more than thwarting other's expectations.
Want it more than you want your own lowered expectations.
Because when you want it more than all these things, you will succeed....
There is nothing better than living up to your full potential.
So you have to ask yourself:
Are you ready?
No more excuses.
Chris out.
about how hard it is to lose weight.
How hard it is to keep it off.
How this percent of people and that percent of people.
BULLSHIT.
They said a small percent of people take the weight off and keep it off.
You know why?
Because you have to want it.
Not kind of want it...
You have to want it more...
Want it more than you want a chicken nugget.
Want it more than you want ice cream.
Want it more than you want to sit on the couch wasting your life watching other people live theirs on the idiot box.
Want it more than the discomfort you feel when exercising.
Want it more than the ease of the familiar.
Want it more than you want to make excuses about why you can't.
Want it more than you want that reason why they left.
Want it more than thwarting other's expectations.
Want it more than you want your own lowered expectations.
Because when you want it more than all these things, you will succeed....
There is nothing better than living up to your full potential.
So you have to ask yourself:
Are you ready?
No more excuses.
Chris out.
12.27.2011
working out at home...
Did that yesterday and today...
Yesterday, I did 10 minute solution off netflix and about 20 minutes of a walk away the pounds cd...today I did my full body workout courtesy of my online trainer omar.
I have decided to cap my calories at 1500...they have been at 1600-1700 for nearly the duration of my weight loss efforts. But I decided starting January 1rst, that I would be going hard core..and to me, 1500 is hard core. Especially when I am going full bore on my exercise...so I have been eating around 1450 for two days now...and exercising a little lighter than usual trying to shrink my stomach.
Shrink my stomach.
I don't even know if that is scientific. lol.
It's something my mom used to say..
But I have been a case study in how the stomach 'shrinks'.
I can't pig out anywhere near what I used to.
I can only finish half my plate at restaurants...
eating at holidays is stymied.
You name it..
eat less for a prolonged period of time, and you get used to eating less.
Which is what I am doing and what I am focused on...
dinner tonight...
Bean soup.
On my other blog (Yes, I have one...one that I haven't written on since march. lol)
I wrote about some of the meals I plan to make and eat...
But, where ever you see a starch, just dump it..
lol. It's meat and veggies for dinner for me..
so instead of potatoes, I'll eat green beans or asparagus.
I save my starches for breakfast and lunch.
Well, that's all for now.
Hope you all had a fantastic holiday.
I did.
Chris out.
Yesterday, I did 10 minute solution off netflix and about 20 minutes of a walk away the pounds cd...today I did my full body workout courtesy of my online trainer omar.
I have decided to cap my calories at 1500...they have been at 1600-1700 for nearly the duration of my weight loss efforts. But I decided starting January 1rst, that I would be going hard core..and to me, 1500 is hard core. Especially when I am going full bore on my exercise...so I have been eating around 1450 for two days now...and exercising a little lighter than usual trying to shrink my stomach.
Shrink my stomach.
I don't even know if that is scientific. lol.
It's something my mom used to say..
But I have been a case study in how the stomach 'shrinks'.
I can't pig out anywhere near what I used to.
I can only finish half my plate at restaurants...
eating at holidays is stymied.
You name it..
eat less for a prolonged period of time, and you get used to eating less.
Which is what I am doing and what I am focused on...
dinner tonight...
Bean soup.
On my other blog (Yes, I have one...one that I haven't written on since march. lol)
I wrote about some of the meals I plan to make and eat...
But, where ever you see a starch, just dump it..
lol. It's meat and veggies for dinner for me..
so instead of potatoes, I'll eat green beans or asparagus.
I save my starches for breakfast and lunch.
Well, that's all for now.
Hope you all had a fantastic holiday.
I did.
Chris out.
12.21.2011
Merry Christmas...and a mini blog vacation...
Hello all,
I just wanted to say that I am taking off till the 26th.
I am going to focus on really enjoying this time with my family and This Christmas season...
So, I will leave you with a few things I have been thinking of for the past few days and then sign off with my all time favorite Christmas Carol...
1.) Whenever you fail, and you start to talk badly to yourself...
stop and ask your self, what would I think if I heard someone saying this stuff to their kid in the parking lot of a walmart. If it is so egregious that you would confront the parent, perhaps you shouldn't be saying it to yourself to begin with...perhaps you should say "well, that wasn't such a good choice...but you have made good choices in the past...so you start again right now."
Never continue to talk in a negative fashion about yourself.
IT isn't motivating..
It's demotivating and depressing and it will drag you down.
2.) I know a lot of people are hurting financially.
A few years ago our family was in a real financial bind as my husband departed the military and I was full of anxiety and couldn't seem to catch the Christmas spirit. That is when I went looking at lights with my kids and some religious music. Jesus came into this world in a barn. But what was most important was that his family stayed together even as they became 'homeless'...They had each other.
That year reminded me of how important spending time with my kids and my husband was...we may not have had money...but at least he wasn't spending another year in a war zone. Better than even trade, in my book...on that note...I am so glad our soldiers are home from Iraq. God bless them and their families..and God bless all of you.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and anything else you may be celebrating.
God Bless,
Chris out.
I just wanted to say that I am taking off till the 26th.
I am going to focus on really enjoying this time with my family and This Christmas season...
So, I will leave you with a few things I have been thinking of for the past few days and then sign off with my all time favorite Christmas Carol...
1.) Whenever you fail, and you start to talk badly to yourself...
stop and ask your self, what would I think if I heard someone saying this stuff to their kid in the parking lot of a walmart. If it is so egregious that you would confront the parent, perhaps you shouldn't be saying it to yourself to begin with...perhaps you should say "well, that wasn't such a good choice...but you have made good choices in the past...so you start again right now."
Never continue to talk in a negative fashion about yourself.
IT isn't motivating..
It's demotivating and depressing and it will drag you down.
2.) I know a lot of people are hurting financially.
A few years ago our family was in a real financial bind as my husband departed the military and I was full of anxiety and couldn't seem to catch the Christmas spirit. That is when I went looking at lights with my kids and some religious music. Jesus came into this world in a barn. But what was most important was that his family stayed together even as they became 'homeless'...They had each other.
That year reminded me of how important spending time with my kids and my husband was...we may not have had money...but at least he wasn't spending another year in a war zone. Better than even trade, in my book...on that note...I am so glad our soldiers are home from Iraq. God bless them and their families..and God bless all of you.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and anything else you may be celebrating.
God Bless,
Chris out.
12.18.2011
12.17.2011
Metabolic BURN
Are You Getting Full Metabolic Effects?
“There are four reliable ways to stimulate the maximum caloric burn both during and after the exercise session,” says Teta. “We call these the ‘Bs’ and the ‘Hs’, breathless, burning, heavy and heat. Each workout should work to generate all four of these components.”
In other words, when you finish your circuit you should be wobbly, sweating, striving to catch your breath, and clawing for your water bottle. Your muscles should be fatigued, and if you’re just starting out, you can probably expect a few days of soreness.
It makes my hour long elliptical workouts look like pansy stuff.
My elliptical days are now my 'easy' days.
So...If you are dead bored by your current workouts...try incorporating circuits.
They are fun and will really push you like you wouldn't believe.
Chris out.
“There are four reliable ways to stimulate the maximum caloric burn both during and after the exercise session,” says Teta. “We call these the ‘Bs’ and the ‘Hs’, breathless, burning, heavy and heat. Each workout should work to generate all four of these components.”
In other words, when you finish your circuit you should be wobbly, sweating, striving to catch your breath, and clawing for your water bottle. Your muscles should be fatigued, and if you’re just starting out, you can probably expect a few days of soreness.
CLIPPED AND QUOTED from a fitness website.
Guys, You know I have been working out forever.
I thought I worked out hard.
I was wrong.
If you get the opportunity, do circuits.
I can't even tell you the difference it's made in such a short amount of time.
A ton.
I can FEEL muscles developing in my legs and in my rear.
Heck....I even have an 'in curve' above my rear end...something I have never had before..
I have always had 'flat butt' syndrome.
Here is a good example...
It makes my hour long elliptical workouts look like pansy stuff.
My elliptical days are now my 'easy' days.
So...If you are dead bored by your current workouts...try incorporating circuits.
They are fun and will really push you like you wouldn't believe.
Chris out.
12.14.2011
Three years and closing in on the end of the road. (pics)
The End of my weight loss road is May 18th, 2012.
That is the day maintenance begins for me...
That is the Day I will step on the same scale I stepped on three years ago and I will post the number.
And that is the number I will Hold.
I was looking through old photos last night.
I saw the me of nearly two and a half years ago...
And for the life of me, I don't know that person.
I look at old diary entries.
I remember feeling helpless to change.
I remember wishing and hoping to be healthy and thinner..
But if I am being perfectly honest...
Just thinner.
But what I thought day to day.
I don't remember.
I do remember looking up, seeing what was facing me in the mirror...
and waking up...mentally.
And saying "no more".
That's it.
It's like I decided to live...
And I have decided to put here tonight, in pictures...
the progression over the last few years.
And I will put one more picture up here On May 18th.
And every year after on May 18th.
It's my commitment to me.
Here goes:
What I saw.
I climbed mental hurdles and attended self defense classes:
That is the day maintenance begins for me...
That is the Day I will step on the same scale I stepped on three years ago and I will post the number.
And that is the number I will Hold.
I was looking through old photos last night.
I saw the me of nearly two and a half years ago...
And for the life of me, I don't know that person.
I look at old diary entries.
I remember feeling helpless to change.
I remember wishing and hoping to be healthy and thinner..
But if I am being perfectly honest...
Just thinner.
But what I thought day to day.
I don't remember.
I do remember looking up, seeing what was facing me in the mirror...
and waking up...mentally.
And saying "no more".
That's it.
It's like I decided to live...
And I have decided to put here tonight, in pictures...
the progression over the last few years.
And I will put one more picture up here On May 18th.
And every year after on May 18th.
It's my commitment to me.
Here goes:
What I saw.
180's-190's....
Size 16 170's
Then the picture below...taken by my good friend Amber
When I hit 100 lbs lost:
One of the best days of my life:
162.5
I took a trip home to see my mom...who was proud of my accomplishment...
And I took a picture with my girls...It was the first time I wasn't trying to hide in a family photo:
Happy:
I bought my first 'sexy' dress in a very long time:
Size 10
Then there was the day I Fit in my daughter's size 8's
And Got to 146.5 lbs
Where I stalled:
Now I am ready to finish it:
On May 18th, 2012 I will weigh in and post my final picture.
My mind is set and nothing is going to sway it...
I haven't felt this certain since the very beginning.
I deserve this.
So do you, so get on it.
To the finish.
Chris out.
12.12.2011
Why I have 'food rules"....
Hey all,
Just got back from the gym and my full body workout.
It was the same one that kept me from walking straight for three days the last time I did it.
This time I not only did it, but was able to walk a mile afterward.
single leg squats 10 reps each side
no rest
bent over row with barbell
12 reps
no rest
romanian deadlift with same barbell
12 sets
no rest
bench press
15 reps
no rest
swiss ball crunch
15-20 reps
90 second rest
then redo all of the above 2 more times..
Next set
reverse lunge
10 times each leg
no rest
bentover row (again!)
10 reps
no rest
forward lunge with one arm extended
10 per side
no rest
bench leg raise
10 reps
90 second rest repeat 2 more times
3rd set
sumo squat with dumb bell
12 reps
no rest
French press (triceps)
12 reps
no rest
barbell curl
12 reps
no rest
Mountain climber
15 PER SIDE
(30 total)
I did this and at the end I only had to pause once on those mountain climbers.
I could FEEL the difference in my legs.
I have gained some major muscle in my legs in a very short period.
If you are looking to shake up your workout routine, these are awesome and require minimal equipment.
I would also reccomend foam rollers.
They hurt but man, do they work.
It shoves the lactic acid out of your muscles and helps you recover quickly.
So Food rules.
When I am eating clean
1.) No sugar...none.
I will eat 2 T of honey on my yogurt, but no white sugar
2.)No white flour.
3.) No drive thrus.
None...there is nothing there they can make better (read healthier) or cheaper than I can make it at home.
it's just garbage. If you want a salad, make one..you will know what is in it.
5.) No late night runs to the 7-11.
IF you don't go, you can't buy a bag of chips, can you?
6.)NO POPCORN...Popcorn is my kryptonite.
7.) And carbs such as bread or honey or fruit, I eat in the morning.
carbs like veggies (only veggies lol...) I eat after 3.
8.) I eat a big @ss dinner.
Because it is my most vulnerable time. I get hungry and i cave easier in the evening. It's all about knowing yourself.
9.) I try to incorporate fat with my protein to feel full longer.
If I have an omelette...I have it with an ounce of cheese. Feta works for me. Then I have at least 1 cup of veggies with my food. Could be tomato...this morning is was zucchinni.
That's about all.
what my food rules do is this.
I am hungry...or maybe I am NOT HUNGRY.
I am bored.
I want to eat something.
How do you ascertain if you are really hungry?
Well, first you say No sugar, no white carbs.
but I can have radishes.
Do you want them?
(my go to veggie is cabbage).
If it's a yes...then go for it.
lol.
IT's never radishes if it's a craving.
and since the rule is in place during my clean eating days.
I just say 'nope'. Can't have it.
It's a rule.
I don't know why, it just works.
Don't leave fudge room.
It will bite you in the rear.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
Just got back from the gym and my full body workout.
It was the same one that kept me from walking straight for three days the last time I did it.
This time I not only did it, but was able to walk a mile afterward.
single leg squats 10 reps each side
no rest
bent over row with barbell
12 reps
no rest
romanian deadlift with same barbell
12 sets
no rest
bench press
15 reps
no rest
swiss ball crunch
15-20 reps
90 second rest
then redo all of the above 2 more times..
Next set
reverse lunge
10 times each leg
no rest
bentover row (again!)
10 reps
no rest
forward lunge with one arm extended
10 per side
no rest
bench leg raise
10 reps
90 second rest repeat 2 more times
3rd set
sumo squat with dumb bell
12 reps
no rest
French press (triceps)
12 reps
no rest
barbell curl
12 reps
no rest
Mountain climber
15 PER SIDE
(30 total)
I did this and at the end I only had to pause once on those mountain climbers.
I could FEEL the difference in my legs.
I have gained some major muscle in my legs in a very short period.
If you are looking to shake up your workout routine, these are awesome and require minimal equipment.
I would also reccomend foam rollers.
They hurt but man, do they work.
It shoves the lactic acid out of your muscles and helps you recover quickly.
So Food rules.
When I am eating clean
1.) No sugar...none.
I will eat 2 T of honey on my yogurt, but no white sugar
2.)No white flour.
3.) No drive thrus.
None...there is nothing there they can make better (read healthier) or cheaper than I can make it at home.
it's just garbage. If you want a salad, make one..you will know what is in it.
5.) No late night runs to the 7-11.
IF you don't go, you can't buy a bag of chips, can you?
6.)NO POPCORN...Popcorn is my kryptonite.
7.) And carbs such as bread or honey or fruit, I eat in the morning.
carbs like veggies (only veggies lol...) I eat after 3.
8.) I eat a big @ss dinner.
Because it is my most vulnerable time. I get hungry and i cave easier in the evening. It's all about knowing yourself.
9.) I try to incorporate fat with my protein to feel full longer.
If I have an omelette...I have it with an ounce of cheese. Feta works for me. Then I have at least 1 cup of veggies with my food. Could be tomato...this morning is was zucchinni.
That's about all.
what my food rules do is this.
I am hungry...or maybe I am NOT HUNGRY.
I am bored.
I want to eat something.
How do you ascertain if you are really hungry?
Well, first you say No sugar, no white carbs.
but I can have radishes.
Do you want them?
(my go to veggie is cabbage).
If it's a yes...then go for it.
lol.
IT's never radishes if it's a craving.
and since the rule is in place during my clean eating days.
I just say 'nope'. Can't have it.
It's a rule.
I don't know why, it just works.
Don't leave fudge room.
It will bite you in the rear.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
12.11.2011
Lean cuisine....sucks.
Hey all.
I was talking to my mom today and somehow we got on the subject of weight loss.
And I started talking about how I was glad I did..
How weighing less feels better (obviously)
and I look younger...and all that.
well anyways..I started to rant about previous failed attempts.
You know..
the starve and binge.
The lo carb debacle.
You name it.
But by far, my biggest pet peeve is lean cuisine meals.
They suck.
The portions are miniscule.
They contain additives and they just don't fill you up.
I will be standing in the frozen foods section watching an obese lady loading up on these monstrosities and the low fat cookies with incredible amounts of sugar and just be twitching.
I was talking to my mom today and somehow we got on the subject of weight loss.
And I started talking about how I was glad I did..
How weighing less feels better (obviously)
and I look younger...and all that.
well anyways..I started to rant about previous failed attempts.
You know..
the starve and binge.
The lo carb debacle.
You name it.
But by far, my biggest pet peeve is lean cuisine meals.
They suck.
The portions are miniscule.
They contain additives and they just don't fill you up.
I will be standing in the frozen foods section watching an obese lady loading up on these monstrosities and the low fat cookies with incredible amounts of sugar and just be twitching.
Yum?
You can take your hand and cover that plate...
who would that fill up?
Not me.
It is 250 calories...and has 26 percent of your daily sodium and 9 grams of fat.
nasty...and it is 8 ounces altogether..
basically a cup of food.
Now.
YUM.
Calories there...maybe one hundred.
Add a 6 ounce chicken breast and you have a grand total of 300 calories.
And do you think that would fill you up?
Add some balsamic vinagrette to that puppy and you have one heckuva meal if not two.
You have a 300 pound woman who was eating around 3000 calories a day.
She goes from that to 1200 calores.
She is eating these crappy lean cuisine meals.
Then throw in a diet cookie or two and spike your blood sugar and BAM.
cravings, hunger and despair.
INstead of say going to 1800 and taking a walk.
so there she is, starving.
eating food that tastes like the underside of the seat of a 1960 nova.
and not doing anything proactive.
Not changing thought patterns.
Surrounded by temptation.
WAtching as her body slows it's rate of loss while she is still hungry because your body's metabolism adjusts..
and by cutting your calories so low you have given yourself no where to go.
And just waiting for your body to change.
When change will be a long time coming.
No wonder people fail..and fail in spectacular fashion.
Eat real food.
I wish they would teach that.
Eat real food and do not starve.
Do not eat crap..
processed crap.
And do something to make yourself feel progress..
Give yourself physical goals.
Allow yourself a treat and stop calling yourself names.
And don't expect the weight off by a certain date.
That's all, I feel better now. lol.
Hugs.
Chris
12.09.2011
passion or perfection?
I think passion wins.
OR as Tim Tebow says:
"Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work as hard."
You don't need to be perfect to lose weight.
Only downing fish capsules and wheat grass.
Or have perfect form.
I don't need to be perfectly pretty:
To get the guy.
Or a perfect Passer:
To win the game.
Or the Perfect person:
To live your life.
What inspires people?
Perfection?
Nope.
Passion.
That inspires.
I went through a period of NOT being inspired.
My weight loss slowed, and stopped...
Heck I even gained a few pounds.
Because I forgot what gave me the passion to lose the weight.
My passion wasn't to have a perfect ass.
It was to LIVE.
Like I was meant to.
To give life my all and not let it pass me by in some kind of slow motion suicide by time.
Death by clock..
or
Death by donut.
My greatest achievement being the ability to down 3000 calories in a sitting.
My weight is a number.
My life is what counts.
Some quick quotes:
With out passion you don't have energy, with out energy you have nothing.
Donald Trump
Fear is the passion of slaves. Patrick Henry (wow that one was good!)
Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.
Martha graham
My belief is that what comes across on the television is a capture of my enthusiasm and my passion for wildlife. Steve Irwin
The music itself could never take the place of my own passion in life.
Pavarotti
Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.
Henri frederic amiel
Don't be a possibility...be the flame.
Chris out.
OR as Tim Tebow says:
"Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work as hard."
You don't need to be perfect to lose weight.
Only downing fish capsules and wheat grass.
Or have perfect form.
I don't need to be perfectly pretty:
To get the guy.
Or a perfect Passer:
To win the game.
Or the Perfect person:
To live your life.
What inspires people?
Perfection?
Nope.
Passion.
That inspires.
I went through a period of NOT being inspired.
My weight loss slowed, and stopped...
Heck I even gained a few pounds.
Because I forgot what gave me the passion to lose the weight.
My passion wasn't to have a perfect ass.
It was to LIVE.
Like I was meant to.
To give life my all and not let it pass me by in some kind of slow motion suicide by time.
Death by clock..
or
Death by donut.
My greatest achievement being the ability to down 3000 calories in a sitting.
My weight is a number.
My life is what counts.
Some quick quotes:
With out passion you don't have energy, with out energy you have nothing.
Donald Trump
Fear is the passion of slaves. Patrick Henry (wow that one was good!)
Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.
Martha graham
My belief is that what comes across on the television is a capture of my enthusiasm and my passion for wildlife. Steve Irwin
The music itself could never take the place of my own passion in life.
Pavarotti
Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.
Henri frederic amiel
Don't be a possibility...be the flame.
Chris out.
12.07.2011
Standards....Getting some....
Lol,
I don't know about you all..But I have standards in certain areas of my life.
There are things I feel are very important.
When it comes to my kids, my standard was and is very high.
what I want them to learn etc.
When it came to my weight my standard was...
well, I didn't have one.
I didn't have a standard for personal appearance other than clean and covered and combed.
I thought it was too shallow.
It's funny how we have standards about some things and not about others.
For some,
Cussing is a big fat no no...
For others, not so much.
I'll never forget it...I was with this women...the kids were all over the place...yelling, rebellious and crawling on the floor...and nothing.
Not a flinch.
Someone had taken a bag of garbage that was tied...and put it in the car..
whammo.
She was p*ssed.
That was 'disgusting'.
The rest...not disgusting.
I would have been much more upset at the blatant disrespect the kids showed the place they were in, and the people who were there.
It threw me.
Then I realized, we are all different.
But I was watching a young man the other day...and I really admired his take on 'standards'.
This young man is Tim Tebow.
He knows what he is trying to accomplish.
He had personal standards that weren't just about how he looked...but what life meant.
He had a reason for exercising and for working hard, above and beyond the superficial.
And it made me realize why standards are so important.
Because they teach your children what is and isn't acceptable.
And the lower your standards are...the lower theirs will be.
You see, my standard for my oldest daughter is A's and B's in school..
I know she can do it..
(and really its B's in math and A's in every thing else...because it is her toughest subject and she TRIES.)
My mom's was c's and graduate.
I lived up to her expectations.
Kate lives up to both hers and mine.
Kids set the bar by the parent's standard.
YOu tell your kids to 'not get caught'...they see no reason to be honest.
I never thought to set a bar on my personal appearance.
But you will notice thin women have a bar...
It could be a five pound bar...or a 10 pound bar.
It's the trigger that says..
'OH NO'....I am not going to be "insert number here'.
And it triggers a response..
usually weight loss or what have you.
It triggers movement.
With my weight, I just kept saying...
'Oh, I'm not that bad"
Which isn't a standard, it's an excuse or a way to put off dealing with the weight issue.
Or my house...
There should be a minimum standard.
Not...
Well, It's not bad...
But something like
I don't leave dishes in the sink before bed etc.
I vaccuum the floor once a day etc.
And for personal fitness it could be..
I eat clean 6 days out of 7.
I exercise minimum 1 hour a day 6 days a week.
It's a standard..
and here is the video that set all this thinking off..
That this young man gets it at such a young age is a testament to his parents. Period.
I have been watching him and thinking...that is how you become a role model.
Live your convictions out loud and set your standards for your life HIGH.
You prove yourself through your actions.
Those are my thoughts.
I did HIIT training yesterday and today I did my third whole body workout.
My eating is good.
But I have dishes that need doing.
Have a great night guys!
Chris out.
I don't know about you all..But I have standards in certain areas of my life.
There are things I feel are very important.
When it comes to my kids, my standard was and is very high.
what I want them to learn etc.
When it came to my weight my standard was...
well, I didn't have one.
I didn't have a standard for personal appearance other than clean and covered and combed.
I thought it was too shallow.
It's funny how we have standards about some things and not about others.
For some,
Cussing is a big fat no no...
For others, not so much.
I'll never forget it...I was with this women...the kids were all over the place...yelling, rebellious and crawling on the floor...and nothing.
Not a flinch.
Someone had taken a bag of garbage that was tied...and put it in the car..
whammo.
She was p*ssed.
That was 'disgusting'.
The rest...not disgusting.
I would have been much more upset at the blatant disrespect the kids showed the place they were in, and the people who were there.
It threw me.
Then I realized, we are all different.
But I was watching a young man the other day...and I really admired his take on 'standards'.
This young man is Tim Tebow.
He knows what he is trying to accomplish.
He had personal standards that weren't just about how he looked...but what life meant.
He had a reason for exercising and for working hard, above and beyond the superficial.
And it made me realize why standards are so important.
Because they teach your children what is and isn't acceptable.
And the lower your standards are...the lower theirs will be.
You see, my standard for my oldest daughter is A's and B's in school..
I know she can do it..
(and really its B's in math and A's in every thing else...because it is her toughest subject and she TRIES.)
My mom's was c's and graduate.
I lived up to her expectations.
Kate lives up to both hers and mine.
Kids set the bar by the parent's standard.
YOu tell your kids to 'not get caught'...they see no reason to be honest.
I never thought to set a bar on my personal appearance.
But you will notice thin women have a bar...
It could be a five pound bar...or a 10 pound bar.
It's the trigger that says..
'OH NO'....I am not going to be "insert number here'.
And it triggers a response..
usually weight loss or what have you.
It triggers movement.
With my weight, I just kept saying...
'Oh, I'm not that bad"
Which isn't a standard, it's an excuse or a way to put off dealing with the weight issue.
Or my house...
There should be a minimum standard.
Not...
Well, It's not bad...
But something like
I don't leave dishes in the sink before bed etc.
I vaccuum the floor once a day etc.
And for personal fitness it could be..
I eat clean 6 days out of 7.
I exercise minimum 1 hour a day 6 days a week.
It's a standard..
and here is the video that set all this thinking off..
That this young man gets it at such a young age is a testament to his parents. Period.
I have been watching him and thinking...that is how you become a role model.
Live your convictions out loud and set your standards for your life HIGH.
You prove yourself through your actions.
Those are my thoughts.
I did HIIT training yesterday and today I did my third whole body workout.
My eating is good.
But I have dishes that need doing.
Have a great night guys!
Chris out.
12.06.2011
N.E.P.A (Non exercise physical activity) and weight loss....
Also known as a good way to burn extra calories outside the gym.
The majority of our time is not spent inside the gym...or it shouldn't be, right?! lol.
So, Omar says move around...stand up when talking on the phone or doing bills or whatever it is you are doing.
I know, I am quoting omar.
Why?
Because I buy what he's selling.
In other words, he doesn't bs.
Alot of programs are selling bullshit.
Take this pill..
you will lose x amount of pounds
If you lose TOO MANY pounds...call a doctor.
As if it's ever actually been a problem.
When I see this crap on tv or hear it on the radio...I give it a mental middle finger.
Lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks.
Lose 30 pounds before the new year.
Lose your mind and buy this shit.
Don't buy it.
Sean Anderson has a book...called transformation road.
Look it up...he lost around 250 pounds.
He started at 505 pounds.
You know how he lost it.
wait for it...
He ate less and worked out more.
I buy what he's selling.
Because it's real.
There is no magic.
Just consistency.
I have lost over 100 lbs so far.
How did I do it?
I ate less...and exercised more.
Now, there are things that will make weight loss 'easier'.
Get rid of sugar.
It will reduce cravings.
Get rid of white flour..
same thing...it reduces cravings.
white rice, white flour, white sugar...they pack a big calorie punch...little nutritional value, and if you give them up...you will feel better.
Replace them with fruits and vegetables and some whole grains.
You'll get to eat more and feel fuller.
Now for nepa...it doesn't replace your workout.
But after you workout, park in the north 40 and trek in at walmart..
stand while you talk on the phone.
try to get in 10,000 steps by getting a pedometer and paying attention.
And don't eat all the calories you just busted your ass getting rid of in the gym.
Do that, and you will lose weight.
That's all.
Chris out.
The majority of our time is not spent inside the gym...or it shouldn't be, right?! lol.
So, Omar says move around...stand up when talking on the phone or doing bills or whatever it is you are doing.
I know, I am quoting omar.
Why?
Because I buy what he's selling.
In other words, he doesn't bs.
Alot of programs are selling bullshit.
Take this pill..
you will lose x amount of pounds
If you lose TOO MANY pounds...call a doctor.
As if it's ever actually been a problem.
When I see this crap on tv or hear it on the radio...I give it a mental middle finger.
Lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks.
Lose 30 pounds before the new year.
Lose your mind and buy this shit.
Don't buy it.
Sean Anderson has a book...called transformation road.
Look it up...he lost around 250 pounds.
He started at 505 pounds.
You know how he lost it.
wait for it...
He ate less and worked out more.
I buy what he's selling.
Because it's real.
There is no magic.
Just consistency.
I have lost over 100 lbs so far.
How did I do it?
I ate less...and exercised more.
Now, there are things that will make weight loss 'easier'.
Get rid of sugar.
It will reduce cravings.
Get rid of white flour..
same thing...it reduces cravings.
white rice, white flour, white sugar...they pack a big calorie punch...little nutritional value, and if you give them up...you will feel better.
Replace them with fruits and vegetables and some whole grains.
You'll get to eat more and feel fuller.
Now for nepa...it doesn't replace your workout.
But after you workout, park in the north 40 and trek in at walmart..
stand while you talk on the phone.
try to get in 10,000 steps by getting a pedometer and paying attention.
And don't eat all the calories you just busted your ass getting rid of in the gym.
Do that, and you will lose weight.
That's all.
Chris out.
12.04.2011
TAking off the mask...
I was talking to my kids tonight about making friends.
My oldest gives a rat's rear what people think...
My youngest cares too much.
lol.
So we were talking about finding a middle ground.
And...
I will admit that I have no good advice to give.
I don't understand why people have such a problem simply being kind.
IT isn't that hard.
I have never understand this compulsion some people have to make sure that the people they associate with mirror their image, so to speak.
For instance...in my oldest daughter's freshmen year of high school, she inadvertantly stumbled into the popular crowd...she was invited to sit with them..
By the end of week one..they had given her a list of things she needed to change to be accepted.
Hair, speech, clothing...
My daughter read it and ripped it up.
They didn't sit with her anymore.
She made new friends.
What she noticed was, all those people who tried to change her, they were unhappy with themselves.
Quite frankly, I wonder how many people are unhappy with themselves.
Seeing the level of backbiting, anger and mistreatment there is in the world makes one wonder.
The happier I am with myself, the more other's unhappiness seems to stand in glaring contrast.
It's bizarre.
I want people to treat my kids well.
other kids etc.
But that may be asking too much when they can't seem to treat themselves well.
My oldest daughter said "I don't bother with a mask...I just call people on their bs now'.
It sounds like a good plan to me.
Be as honest, and straightforward as you can.
The soul suckers will scatter.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
My oldest gives a rat's rear what people think...
My youngest cares too much.
lol.
So we were talking about finding a middle ground.
And...
I will admit that I have no good advice to give.
I don't understand why people have such a problem simply being kind.
IT isn't that hard.
I have never understand this compulsion some people have to make sure that the people they associate with mirror their image, so to speak.
For instance...in my oldest daughter's freshmen year of high school, she inadvertantly stumbled into the popular crowd...she was invited to sit with them..
By the end of week one..they had given her a list of things she needed to change to be accepted.
Hair, speech, clothing...
My daughter read it and ripped it up.
They didn't sit with her anymore.
She made new friends.
What she noticed was, all those people who tried to change her, they were unhappy with themselves.
Quite frankly, I wonder how many people are unhappy with themselves.
Seeing the level of backbiting, anger and mistreatment there is in the world makes one wonder.
The happier I am with myself, the more other's unhappiness seems to stand in glaring contrast.
It's bizarre.
I want people to treat my kids well.
other kids etc.
But that may be asking too much when they can't seem to treat themselves well.
My oldest daughter said "I don't bother with a mask...I just call people on their bs now'.
It sounds like a good plan to me.
Be as honest, and straightforward as you can.
The soul suckers will scatter.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
12.03.2011
Avoiding weight loss burn out....
hey all...
Back from my day, such as it was...
which simply included a ton of running around getting not a lot accomplished.
Done with that.
I did buy 50 lbs of potatoes for 10 dollars from a nice old hispanic man on the side of the road.
Keeping it local.
anywhoozle.
I was listening to christian radio the other day.
And was cleaning..
kind of half in and half out with the listening..
When something the preacher said made me say WHAT!
Luckily he repeated that..
he said
"I repeat, It isn't striving with passion toward your goal that burns you out...it's striving towards a goal you feel is UNATTAINABLE that burns you out."
(Don't you love it when that happens..you miss it and God knows it's important so he has the dude repeat it?!)
And BING.
lightbulb.
When did I run into my big old mucking around?
Really last july when I went back to michigan...
and then kept trying and trying.
When I got down to 145 and felt phhhhtttt.
what's the difference between 135 and 145.
It's never going to make my body 20 years old and perky.
and just like that BLAMMO.
Motivation kinked.
And it's true.
My body will never be a 20 year old body.
The time for that has passed.
But, I can be healthy.
AND...
I can win.
Over every bad thing that happened to me.
Over every fear.
Every mean comment.
Every moment when I thought they might be right..
That I will never again be as thin as I was when I was 19..
That isn't true.
I will be and I will be healthier..
It may not look the same.
It may all be a little further south.
That's okay.
Because my motivation isn't to be 20.
It's to be whole.
So figure out what your motivation is...
And make sure that it isn't unattainable...through weight loss.
Weight loss will not make you happy.
Get you the perfect boyfriend.
Make you rich.
Take care of your relationship issues.
IT will give you a sense of accomplishment.
It will give you a sense of health.
IT will give you a better quality of life.
To avoid workout and weight loss burnout...set your goals and make them attainable and relevant.
Chris out.
P.S. I am starting a little something I'll call "Letters to Omar'
Omar is my psuedo coach and the crazy booger who designed those workout programs I am using.
The omar who wants me to drink ALMOND MILK...
Almond milk isn't actually possible.
Almond being a nut and milk being something extracted from mammals.
And it took two stores to find it.
My letter to omar tonight...
Dear Omar:
If I can't find almond milk, Can I use butter milk? .
Sincerely,
Chris
Have a great night guys.
Back from my day, such as it was...
which simply included a ton of running around getting not a lot accomplished.
Done with that.
I did buy 50 lbs of potatoes for 10 dollars from a nice old hispanic man on the side of the road.
Keeping it local.
anywhoozle.
I was listening to christian radio the other day.
And was cleaning..
kind of half in and half out with the listening..
When something the preacher said made me say WHAT!
Luckily he repeated that..
he said
"I repeat, It isn't striving with passion toward your goal that burns you out...it's striving towards a goal you feel is UNATTAINABLE that burns you out."
(Don't you love it when that happens..you miss it and God knows it's important so he has the dude repeat it?!)
And BING.
lightbulb.
When did I run into my big old mucking around?
Really last july when I went back to michigan...
and then kept trying and trying.
When I got down to 145 and felt phhhhtttt.
what's the difference between 135 and 145.
It's never going to make my body 20 years old and perky.
and just like that BLAMMO.
Motivation kinked.
And it's true.
My body will never be a 20 year old body.
The time for that has passed.
But, I can be healthy.
AND...
I can win.
Over every bad thing that happened to me.
Over every fear.
Every mean comment.
Every moment when I thought they might be right..
That I will never again be as thin as I was when I was 19..
That isn't true.
I will be and I will be healthier..
It may not look the same.
It may all be a little further south.
That's okay.
Because my motivation isn't to be 20.
It's to be whole.
So figure out what your motivation is...
And make sure that it isn't unattainable...through weight loss.
Weight loss will not make you happy.
Get you the perfect boyfriend.
Make you rich.
Take care of your relationship issues.
IT will give you a sense of accomplishment.
It will give you a sense of health.
IT will give you a better quality of life.
To avoid workout and weight loss burnout...set your goals and make them attainable and relevant.
Chris out.
P.S. I am starting a little something I'll call "Letters to Omar'
Omar is my psuedo coach and the crazy booger who designed those workout programs I am using.
The omar who wants me to drink ALMOND MILK...
Almond milk isn't actually possible.
Almond being a nut and milk being something extracted from mammals.
And it took two stores to find it.
My letter to omar tonight...
Dear Omar:
If I can't find almond milk, Can I use butter milk? .
Sincerely,
Chris
Have a great night guys.
12.02.2011
Full Body workout number 2...better.
I cut those full body workouts by 1/3rd.
After that last full body workout I couldn't even walk the next few days.
Now, I am sore but am able to go to the gym tomorrow.
Sore is just another word for 'working'.
I will go grocery shopping tomorrow.
It is a biggie because I need a few things I don't normally get..
like iodized sea salt.
I just wanted everyone to know that I read your comments.
I always read the comments.
I don't always get time to comment on the comments because I don't always have access to t he computer.
But I do appreciate them and the people who read here.
The next few months should be very productive.
I hope you all had a great night.
I did.
Hang in there and keep plugging.
I will too.
Chris out.
After that last full body workout I couldn't even walk the next few days.
Now, I am sore but am able to go to the gym tomorrow.
Sore is just another word for 'working'.
I will go grocery shopping tomorrow.
It is a biggie because I need a few things I don't normally get..
like iodized sea salt.
I just wanted everyone to know that I read your comments.
I always read the comments.
I don't always get time to comment on the comments because I don't always have access to t he computer.
But I do appreciate them and the people who read here.
The next few months should be very productive.
I hope you all had a great night.
I did.
Hang in there and keep plugging.
I will too.
Chris out.
11.30.2011
Trauma, abuse and the fat shield
Hello all,
This post was a long time coming.
I am writing this post because quite frankly, I can't not write this post.
This post's topic is the whole reason I had 130 lbs to lose.
This post is necessary because I see people daily who I know, and or suspect have a 'fat shield' for this very reason.
YOu don't get fat because you love lugging hundreds of extra pounds around.
You are eating to fill a void.
Don't bullshit me.
To fill a void or create a barrier.
Some people fill the void with other substances...
alcohol...drugs....whatever.
Some people create a barrier by being gregarious...funloving...but always at a distance emotionally.
I created a barrier through my fat.
You want to know why I don't weigh in anymore.
because even now....the lower weight creates a persistent feeling of dread.
I FEAR.
I fear being VULNERABLE.
I fear being VICTIMIZED.
I fear being NOTICED.
As my husband says: "He noticed me...nom nom nom."
When men notice me, I get very uncomfortable.
The lower my weight went..the worse it got.
The stasis over the last year has a lot to do with the persistent feelings of dread.
Simply keeping myself where I am has been a challenge.
So...
When I see someone who is morbidly obese and they can't figure why...why can't they let the weight go..
I know.
It's a shield to protect them.
Or it's a void that they are filling.
And they are wondering..
If I give up this comfort...or this shield.
What will I be getting in return.
I know what they will be getting in return.
I KNOW.
And still I struggle.
So don't think I don't understand.
Just because someone is now thin....Don't think they don't understand where you are.
I do.
I am going to finish this...
NOT in a grand eloquent way..
Like a ballet.
But hard till the finish.
I NEED to get to my goal weight.
When I say I do this to WIN...it isn't for a pants size.
It's so what happened to me does not define me in a negative way.
I have to do this so that I can PROVE that anyone can overcome anything.
EVEN BECOMING THE THING YOU FEAR WILL HURT YOU.
Because I know it isn't true.
so don't do this because you think it will give you a potential mate or children..
or a great ass.
or more money.
Do it for you...so you KNOW what you are capable of...
SO you can live a long healthy life, knowing you are in charge of nearly everything you put your heart and mind to.
If you are on the fence about this, do it.
It won't make you happy....but it will make you awake...
because you can't use your crutch
you will have to face your feelings.
You will have to face your fears.
You will have to face the results of your poor choices.
And then you will discover you can change them.
That the past is the past and the future is what you make of it.
For good or ill.
YOu can do this.
And so can I.
Love,
Chris
This post was a long time coming.
I am writing this post because quite frankly, I can't not write this post.
This post's topic is the whole reason I had 130 lbs to lose.
This post is necessary because I see people daily who I know, and or suspect have a 'fat shield' for this very reason.
YOu don't get fat because you love lugging hundreds of extra pounds around.
You are eating to fill a void.
Don't bullshit me.
To fill a void or create a barrier.
Some people fill the void with other substances...
alcohol...drugs....whatever.
Some people create a barrier by being gregarious...funloving...but always at a distance emotionally.
I created a barrier through my fat.
You want to know why I don't weigh in anymore.
because even now....the lower weight creates a persistent feeling of dread.
I FEAR.
I fear being VULNERABLE.
I fear being VICTIMIZED.
I fear being NOTICED.
As my husband says: "He noticed me...nom nom nom."
When men notice me, I get very uncomfortable.
The lower my weight went..the worse it got.
The stasis over the last year has a lot to do with the persistent feelings of dread.
Simply keeping myself where I am has been a challenge.
So...
When I see someone who is morbidly obese and they can't figure why...why can't they let the weight go..
I know.
It's a shield to protect them.
Or it's a void that they are filling.
And they are wondering..
If I give up this comfort...or this shield.
What will I be getting in return.
I know what they will be getting in return.
I KNOW.
And still I struggle.
So don't think I don't understand.
Just because someone is now thin....Don't think they don't understand where you are.
I do.
I am going to finish this...
NOT in a grand eloquent way..
Like a ballet.
But hard till the finish.
I NEED to get to my goal weight.
When I say I do this to WIN...it isn't for a pants size.
It's so what happened to me does not define me in a negative way.
I have to do this so that I can PROVE that anyone can overcome anything.
EVEN BECOMING THE THING YOU FEAR WILL HURT YOU.
Because I know it isn't true.
so don't do this because you think it will give you a potential mate or children..
or a great ass.
or more money.
Do it for you...so you KNOW what you are capable of...
SO you can live a long healthy life, knowing you are in charge of nearly everything you put your heart and mind to.
If you are on the fence about this, do it.
It won't make you happy....but it will make you awake...
because you can't use your crutch
you will have to face your feelings.
You will have to face your fears.
You will have to face the results of your poor choices.
And then you will discover you can change them.
That the past is the past and the future is what you make of it.
For good or ill.
YOu can do this.
And so can I.
Love,
Chris
11.28.2011
There is pain...and then there is this workout....
okay..
this is what I did tonight at the gym...
The workout I thought was a little 'light duty' when I started...but soon discovered I was wrong?! well..
here you go.
single leg squats 10 reps each side
no rest
bent over row with barbell
12 reps
no rest
romanian deadlift with same barbell
12 sets
no rest
bench press
15 reps
no rest
swiss ball crunch
15-20 reps
90 second rest
then redo all of the above 2 more times..
Next set
reverse lunge
10 times each leg
no rest
bentover row (again!)
10 reps
no rest
forward lunge with one arm extended
10 per side
no rest
bench leg raise
10 reps
90 second rest repeat 2 more times
3rd set
sumo squat with dumb bell
12 reps
no rest
French press (triceps)
12 reps
no rest
barbell curl
12 reps
no rest
Mountain climber
15 PER SIDE
(30 total)
90 second rest...
and you guessed it...repeat 2 more times.
This whole thing is the first workout created by the little booger below.
Whom I was cursing by the time I finished.
I had better have an ass like an anvil when I am finished.
That's all I'm sayin'.
By the time I was done with this I was supposed to do 20 minutes of moderate exercise tha twould raise my heart rate to 115 to 120 beats per minute.
I hobbled around the track doing an impression of an invalid and completed 2 miles in about 45 minutes. lol.
Tomorrow I do sprints.
We shall see.
Wednesday is a 'different whole body workout'.
I just pray to God there are fewer squats and lunges.
That's all.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
this is what I did tonight at the gym...
The workout I thought was a little 'light duty' when I started...but soon discovered I was wrong?! well..
here you go.
single leg squats 10 reps each side
no rest
bent over row with barbell
12 reps
no rest
romanian deadlift with same barbell
12 sets
no rest
bench press
15 reps
no rest
swiss ball crunch
15-20 reps
90 second rest
then redo all of the above 2 more times..
Next set
reverse lunge
10 times each leg
no rest
bentover row (again!)
10 reps
no rest
forward lunge with one arm extended
10 per side
no rest
bench leg raise
10 reps
90 second rest repeat 2 more times
3rd set
sumo squat with dumb bell
12 reps
no rest
French press (triceps)
12 reps
no rest
barbell curl
12 reps
no rest
Mountain climber
15 PER SIDE
(30 total)
90 second rest...
and you guessed it...repeat 2 more times.
This whole thing is the first workout created by the little booger below.
Whom I was cursing by the time I finished.
I had better have an ass like an anvil when I am finished.
That's all I'm sayin'.
By the time I was done with this I was supposed to do 20 minutes of moderate exercise tha twould raise my heart rate to 115 to 120 beats per minute.
I hobbled around the track doing an impression of an invalid and completed 2 miles in about 45 minutes. lol.
Tomorrow I do sprints.
We shall see.
Wednesday is a 'different whole body workout'.
I just pray to God there are fewer squats and lunges.
That's all.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
11.26.2011
ouch....that was hard!
Hey all,
I went to the Gym and am currently sitting at 870 calories (aiming for 1500) and I did a ton of squats today. That was hard. I did 40 minutes of cardio and some ab work...mostly lower ab work...here, I will post some links to where I got the 'ideas'.
and
So when I got on the elliptical my legs felt like water...so I think It is working.
Now I am going to go have dinner and hopefully get to bed early.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
I went to the Gym and am currently sitting at 870 calories (aiming for 1500) and I did a ton of squats today. That was hard. I did 40 minutes of cardio and some ab work...mostly lower ab work...here, I will post some links to where I got the 'ideas'.
and
So when I got on the elliptical my legs felt like water...so I think It is working.
Now I am going to go have dinner and hopefully get to bed early.
Have a great night guys.
Chris out.
First day and focus
Hey all, for the first few days I am going to be blogging quite a bit. I am taking this idea from King Al Klein...who lost bunches a very difficult way, but blogging was a way he could get through his day focused.
So my plan today...eat clean..
breakfast is egg whites green and red bell pepper and 1 oz mozzerella cheese and coffee with cream and splenda...
250 calories.
I am going to the gym this afternoon.
Hope you guys have a great day.
And Al, if you read this, where'd you go?
Chris out.
So my plan today...eat clean..
breakfast is egg whites green and red bell pepper and 1 oz mozzerella cheese and coffee with cream and splenda...
250 calories.
I am going to the gym this afternoon.
Hope you guys have a great day.
And Al, if you read this, where'd you go?
Chris out.
11.25.2011
Just DO It...
Well Folks,
I have been mucking about for about a year...content to float along above normal...
I was happy where i was...It was all good.
I am ready to get to the end of the weight loss portion of this journey.
I will weigh in on May 18th, 2012...
Three years to the day I started this journey.
Whatever weight I am at that time I will maintain.
I will have my friend take a picture..
The same friend who was with my when I first stepped on the scale.
There will be visual proof.
I weigh around 156-158...so weighing in isn't necessary.
I will weigh at the end.
The proof is in the numbers...
I'll post my calorie intake and my exercise burn.
I will be blogging daily like I did when I started.
Whatever is in my head will be on my blog.
It may be good, bad or indifferent...
But all my thoughts and frustrations and whatever will be there for the world to see.
So be warned, all ye recent readers....I can use foul language...
and when I go full bore I am hard core.
I am starting tomorrow.
If anyone else wants to jump in to get to goal, then we can be accountable to each other.
Jo, I know you aren't far....
It would be awesome if we finished together.
So...Here we go..
Hugs,
Chris.
I have been mucking about for about a year...content to float along above normal...
I was happy where i was...It was all good.
I am ready to get to the end of the weight loss portion of this journey.
I will weigh in on May 18th, 2012...
Three years to the day I started this journey.
Whatever weight I am at that time I will maintain.
I will have my friend take a picture..
The same friend who was with my when I first stepped on the scale.
There will be visual proof.
I weigh around 156-158...so weighing in isn't necessary.
I will weigh at the end.
The proof is in the numbers...
I'll post my calorie intake and my exercise burn.
I will be blogging daily like I did when I started.
Whatever is in my head will be on my blog.
It may be good, bad or indifferent...
But all my thoughts and frustrations and whatever will be there for the world to see.
So be warned, all ye recent readers....I can use foul language...
and when I go full bore I am hard core.
I am starting tomorrow.
If anyone else wants to jump in to get to goal, then we can be accountable to each other.
Jo, I know you aren't far....
It would be awesome if we finished together.
So...Here we go..
Hugs,
Chris.
11.22.2011
little things
I am grateful for little things.
For my yellow house.
For my pumpkin patch.
For my stupid Dog who is so gentle.
For my daughters..
One who is full of love for People.
and
One who is full of questions about life.
For my friends.
For my family...because I am not alone.
For my feather blanket.
For socks when my feet get cold.
For Christmas...because our savior came...And Easter, because our salvation was complete.
For my home church and all the good people there.
For being able to stay home to raise my kids.
For my van...even though my digital readout is spotty and my interior lights don't work.
For my ability to get my kids presents.
For my the 22 lb turkey in my fridge waiting to get baked.
For my health.
For my breath..
For my life.
For each minute I get to be here, when so many people don't.
For each heartbreak.
For each happy moment.
For all the little things.
God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.
From the Oursler Family.
For my yellow house.
For my pumpkin patch.
For my stupid Dog who is so gentle.
For my daughters..
One who is full of love for People.
and
One who is full of questions about life.
For my friends.
For my family...because I am not alone.
For my feather blanket.
For socks when my feet get cold.
For Christmas...because our savior came...And Easter, because our salvation was complete.
For my home church and all the good people there.
For being able to stay home to raise my kids.
For my van...even though my digital readout is spotty and my interior lights don't work.
For my ability to get my kids presents.
For my the 22 lb turkey in my fridge waiting to get baked.
For my health.
For my breath..
For my life.
For each minute I get to be here, when so many people don't.
For each heartbreak.
For each happy moment.
For all the little things.
God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.
From the Oursler Family.
11.19.2011
Rituals or Habits....
Or whatever you call them..
Hey all, I had a pretty good week.
I exercised very consistently and am implementing a new toning regimen so that I don't burn out on exercise.
I am trying to make exercise a part of my life that is livable for the rest of my life.
Just like I am trying to make eating well a kind of habit.
OR ritual.
Whatever you want to call it...
I get the word 'ritual' from Tony Robbins.
He seems to be a love him or hate him type of guy.
I am actually neither.
lol.
I rarely Love Love or hate hate very many people.
I reserve it for people I know well.
So I observe him as a rather interesting fellow.
A person who says thing s that are fairly obvious but that we somehow forget to do..
Things like:
Do the small things and the large things will get in line.
Focus.
What you focus on is important.
HE does a little exercise where he says
Okay...turn around...find every brown thing in your line of sight...
brown brown brown...
do this for thirty seconds...
got it..
now really do it...look around and look for brown stuff...
I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now...
Name every red thing you saw.
You don't remember any red things?
Right,
because you were focusing on brown.
The same goes for what you focus on daily.
Focus on fear, you'll be fearful.
Focus on gratitude you will be grateful.
etc.
He does little exercises where you think of things you are grateful for for a period of time....
then he wants you to note how your body is positioned...
Then he wants you to think of a time you were sad or failed.
IT's so when you need it, you can change your physiology to change your state of mind.
Which I do believe can work.
But physiology and changing your tape alone are not enough.
You need to build underlying habits that support your goals.
For instance.
When I was big....262 lbs.
I had a habit of going through fast food drive thrus.
I had a habit of drinking a grande white mocha with whipped cream whenever I went to starbucks.
I had a habit of having seconds and thirds for dinner.
I had a habit of watching television.
I had a habit of wearing clothes with no zippers.
Now that I am smaller
I don't go through fast food drive thrus.
I drink a tall americano with splenda
I have firsts...and that is all.
I cancelled my cable.
I have pants with a size in them.
I exercise daily...
before I never exercised.
Change your habits, change your life.
Hey all, I had a pretty good week.
I exercised very consistently and am implementing a new toning regimen so that I don't burn out on exercise.
I am trying to make exercise a part of my life that is livable for the rest of my life.
Just like I am trying to make eating well a kind of habit.
OR ritual.
Whatever you want to call it...
I get the word 'ritual' from Tony Robbins.
He seems to be a love him or hate him type of guy.
I am actually neither.
lol.
I rarely Love Love or hate hate very many people.
I reserve it for people I know well.
So I observe him as a rather interesting fellow.
A person who says thing s that are fairly obvious but that we somehow forget to do..
Things like:
Do the small things and the large things will get in line.
Focus.
What you focus on is important.
HE does a little exercise where he says
Okay...turn around...find every brown thing in your line of sight...
brown brown brown...
do this for thirty seconds...
got it..
now really do it...look around and look for brown stuff...
I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now...
Name every red thing you saw.
You don't remember any red things?
Right,
because you were focusing on brown.
The same goes for what you focus on daily.
Focus on fear, you'll be fearful.
Focus on gratitude you will be grateful.
etc.
He does little exercises where you think of things you are grateful for for a period of time....
then he wants you to note how your body is positioned...
Then he wants you to think of a time you were sad or failed.
IT's so when you need it, you can change your physiology to change your state of mind.
Which I do believe can work.
But physiology and changing your tape alone are not enough.
You need to build underlying habits that support your goals.
For instance.
When I was big....262 lbs.
I had a habit of going through fast food drive thrus.
I had a habit of drinking a grande white mocha with whipped cream whenever I went to starbucks.
I had a habit of having seconds and thirds for dinner.
I had a habit of watching television.
I had a habit of wearing clothes with no zippers.
Now that I am smaller
I don't go through fast food drive thrus.
I drink a tall americano with splenda
I have firsts...and that is all.
I cancelled my cable.
I have pants with a size in them.
I exercise daily...
before I never exercised.
Change your habits, change your life.
I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half of the things you do you might as well turn over to me and I will do them - quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed - you must be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically.
Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of great people,
and alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great, I have made great.
Those who are failures, I have made failures.
and alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great, I have made great.
Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine though
I work with the precision of a machine
plus the intelligence of a person.
I work with the precision of a machine
plus the intelligence of a person.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin -
it makes no difference to me.
it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and
I will place the world at your feet.
I will place the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I? I am Habit.
Tomorrow I will talk about the Time Factor.
Chris out.
11.14.2011
Zumba...
I tried it.
It was fun.
I went with my friend brooke.
She is the same person I climbed the cog railway with..
you know, you have all sorts of friends.
Friends that you talk with..
friends that you get advice from..
and then you have friends who say things like..
"Hey, let's go run with the Bulls."
That's brooke.
I am one of those people who likes to try new things as long as I don't have to think of them.
So...I would say
"You really want to do that?"
They'd say yes..
and I would say "well, I'll give it a go."
lol.
And I did.
showed up and she gets right in the front.
of course.
big ole mirrors.
And the lady doing the class busts out that kid and play stuff from the nineties...
yo yo.
stay in place running.
I was all H*ll no.
but I got into it..
the only time I actually felt ridiculous was when she had us put our hands behind our head and do pelvic thrusts.
and I almost wussed out.
Till I looked five peeps over and saw two 70 year old ladies burning it down.
And then I thought.
ohhhkay.
If they can, I can.
Apparently there is a zumba thon next saturday...
Think I will drop in on that.
do an hour to an hour and a half or so. lol.
Can't hurt.
calories in and good.
exercise in and good.
Have a great day.
It was fun.
I went with my friend brooke.
She is the same person I climbed the cog railway with..
you know, you have all sorts of friends.
Friends that you talk with..
friends that you get advice from..
and then you have friends who say things like..
"Hey, let's go run with the Bulls."
That's brooke.
I am one of those people who likes to try new things as long as I don't have to think of them.
So...I would say
"You really want to do that?"
They'd say yes..
and I would say "well, I'll give it a go."
lol.
And I did.
showed up and she gets right in the front.
of course.
big ole mirrors.
And the lady doing the class busts out that kid and play stuff from the nineties...
yo yo.
stay in place running.
I was all H*ll no.
but I got into it..
the only time I actually felt ridiculous was when she had us put our hands behind our head and do pelvic thrusts.
and I almost wussed out.
Till I looked five peeps over and saw two 70 year old ladies burning it down.
And then I thought.
ohhhkay.
If they can, I can.
Apparently there is a zumba thon next saturday...
Think I will drop in on that.
do an hour to an hour and a half or so. lol.
Can't hurt.
calories in and good.
exercise in and good.
Have a great day.
11.12.2011
Great New Blog...
Hey guys...check this blog out....
http://changeisimminent.blogspot.com/2011/11/2048.html?showComment=1321130653427#c9136045836924240019
Change is imminent...this person just started and they need some support! They don't seem to have a follower button...But you could encourage them to add one! We all need all the help we can get. Have a great day.
Chris out.
http://changeisimminent.blogspot.com/2011/11/2048.html?showComment=1321130653427#c9136045836924240019
Change is imminent...this person just started and they need some support! They don't seem to have a follower button...But you could encourage them to add one! We all need all the help we can get. Have a great day.
Chris out.
11.11.2011
What wondrous love is this?
oh my soul oh my soul...
I was watching this and it occurred to me that today is veteran's day....
The lord lying in the arms of his mother...after fighting the good fight and overcoming death.
It reminds me of course, of the men and women who have died and the many empty arms of mothers and fathers...
And wives, and husbands, and children.
and brother's sisters and friends....
What manner of love resides inside the man or woman who lays down their life for their friend, their family, and their country.
Or the man or woman willing to should the need arise.
A wondrous love.
Worthy of reverence.
For that I thank them.
On this veteran's day.
Chris out.
11.06.2011
let go of lies and fear...and embracing life.
I would say of all the songs I heard on the radio when I was growing up...this is the one I remember playing over and over...and it is something that you don't understand when you are younger.
When you are young...this feeling is natural..
You feel sure of yourself.
You haven't lived long enough to really mess up.
To have regrets.
To be second guessed...
To have your mistakes effect the lives of others.
To be afraid.
On the other hand, when you are a child you are still held back by circumstances...
you are trained to set limits on what you can and can't do.
In a healthy environment..the limits are for a child's own good.
In a toxic environment, the limitations are a manifestation of a parent's own lack of self esteem and self percieved shortcomings...and when those people have children, even if they don't intend it..
they pass these self imposed limitations on to their children...
I have many positive things from my mother...
A 'no quit' attitude.
I learned to never complain, and to work hard.
I learned to be honest with myself and others.
and believe it or not, I have developed many good character traits from living with an abusive father.
I learned to seperate my worth from another's opinion or actions.
I learned that whatever anyone thinks of my worth as a human being, my worth is not weighed by the value placed on me by the people who surround me.
My value is based on God's love for me.
That makes me a person of infinite worth.
But,
I also developed self limiting beliefs...
Coming out of high school...there was the belief that college was for rich kids.
That a career in the arts was not a 'real job'.
For anything to be a real job, it had to be boring and hard and pay for shit.
I was taught that being feminine was 'wussy'.
To be 'equal' you had to be 'tough'.
So many of these things went against my true nature, that I supressed myself.
I am, by nature, a very sensitive person.
I like people.
For who they are...not the clothes they wear, not for the job they have or the car they drive...or the age they have attained or haven't attained.
In my mind, when I am looking at someone...whether it's an adult or a child...I see an individual and approach them that way.
YOu won't find me talking down to a child, or an elderly person, or a homeless person.
When I talk to people I want to hear from their heart and mind.
I want to know who they are...
And I want to judge them on their spirit....not their social status.
I do not feel the need to be validated in my life choices by people who have made similar life choices.
This makes me (and has made me) very different than many people over the years.
So I don't always fit in social settings.
I have never, not once wanted to discuss whether my car had a leather interior.
When the wholesale condemnation of an entire people group or activity comes winging my way in a conversation, I do my best to duck.
For by what measure you judge, you will be judged.
I always keep that in mind... cause I can just see jesus up there measuring out the judgement rod everytime I open my mouth to condemn someone...(he was a carpenter)
But I have learned to accept that not everyone approaches life this way.
The one good thing my childhood did for me was to teach me to differentiate between someone's opinion or perception of a situation..
and reality.
I learned early that another's opinion was just that..an opinion.
Or to use a crass phrase that was flung around my house:
"Opinions are like @ssholes, everyone has one."
What hurts my heart is to see other people accept the opinion of others as a correct one in spite of that person's own perception or grasp on a situation.
I have some relatives like this.
They are very sensitive, and take everything people say to heart.
Even if that person whose gums are flapping isn't worth spit.
I've seen it on blogs.
People popping off and laying down their version of the law when they have no concept of someone else's reality.
Compassion rarely fails.
Listening rather than talking will save you major embarrasment nearly every time it is tried.
So I am letting go of some lies I have held on to...
Lies and fears implanted in me by people who have their own opinions and limitations.
I can have a career in Art.
Being feminine doesn't mean you aren't strong.
Not caring about money is okay.
I can be as organized or disorganized as I want to be, I am not 'naturally disorganized'..organization is a skill, so I will achieve this skill.
My beginning doesn't determine my ending.
Other people's life decisions don't affect me...therefore they are none of my business and I won't discuss them.
I can learn to play the piano or learn to dance ballet whenever the frick I want...you don't have to be 10 years old to take lessons.
What are some lies that you have taken as your truth?
Even though, deep down you know it isn't you?
I was thinking...I am halfway to dead...37 years old.
How much of my life do I want to spend making other people comfortable?
How much time do I want to spend validating someone else's opinion or life choice at the expense of my own truth and happiness?
And how much do I want to spend being truly happy.
I say the rest of it.
Whatever I have.
Whatever God gives me.
Chris out.
11.01.2011
Now let's see the Christmas decorations....
Okay, Now that halloween is out of the way, I can stand the sight of Christmas trees. I don't know why these people feel the need to break this stuff out mid september...marketing I guess.
It's november...this year has gone by quickly.
I have been doing alright with hottification...but have realized something.
I have gone too long with a kind of diet mentality...
In that I still eat outside of what the kids eat...
and since my husband is dieting (and doing very well I might add)
Its us two and those two...
I guess I am just sick of feeling like I have to get somewhere quickly when there is no such rush.
When I started I was content to get to a great weight slowly..
Somewhere around the last 20 lbs you lose your mind and want it quickly..
and this is where a lot of people seem to flub up.,
Instead of letting it come off like the rest came off.
Instead of seeing it as a permanant change..
You lose your MIND and think...If I just cut it to 1400 and exercise 6 days a week....I will be there in thus and such a time.
(you know, that mentality that caused you to FAIL so many times before.)
Instead of saying...okay, let's focus on how I intend to eat and exercise for the rest of my life.
every set back can be viewed as a failure.
oy.
I am still learning.
learning how to eat like a normal person.
I am still using that night creme for wrinkles and it seems to work.
I am just focusing on integrating my life and my eating and my exercising.
I know I will never have a perfect balance..
But I also know that you have to shake up the exercise and eating everyonce in a while or you will die of boredom.
So, I am getting there.
Hope all of you are doing well.
Chris out.
It's november...this year has gone by quickly.
I have been doing alright with hottification...but have realized something.
I have gone too long with a kind of diet mentality...
In that I still eat outside of what the kids eat...
and since my husband is dieting (and doing very well I might add)
Its us two and those two...
I guess I am just sick of feeling like I have to get somewhere quickly when there is no such rush.
When I started I was content to get to a great weight slowly..
Somewhere around the last 20 lbs you lose your mind and want it quickly..
and this is where a lot of people seem to flub up.,
Instead of letting it come off like the rest came off.
Instead of seeing it as a permanant change..
You lose your MIND and think...If I just cut it to 1400 and exercise 6 days a week....I will be there in thus and such a time.
(you know, that mentality that caused you to FAIL so many times before.)
Instead of saying...okay, let's focus on how I intend to eat and exercise for the rest of my life.
every set back can be viewed as a failure.
oy.
I am still learning.
learning how to eat like a normal person.
I am still using that night creme for wrinkles and it seems to work.
I am just focusing on integrating my life and my eating and my exercising.
I know I will never have a perfect balance..
But I also know that you have to shake up the exercise and eating everyonce in a while or you will die of boredom.
So, I am getting there.
Hope all of you are doing well.
Chris out.
10.30.2011
10.29.2011
when fates are linked...
Have you ever sat down and really thought about why you should forgive somebody...
You say things like "It's for you, not them."
or
Don't let things like that eat you up...
or
Forgiving allows you to let go...
So, I have forgiven for those reasons...
But quite frankly, it felt hollow and incomplete.
I have been having serious thoughts about forgiveness lately...
and sometimes I think God links people through a series of actions to teach them about life.
Or about a truth in life.
My abusive step father and I are linked in ways I can't quite figure.
But I know forgiveness is a big part of it.
Not just for me, but for him.
I once saw something pretty amazing.
I was watching the green river killer...I don't think you know that guy...or if you do, you are a big follower of the news like I am.
He murdered a lot of young women.
And as one person after another got up and condemned him you couldn't see a thing on that guys face.
Not a flinch.
Nothing but words like killer, scumbag...it didn't make a dent.
Then a man stood up and said "I forgive you, just like Jesus forgave me..not only do I forgive you..but I love you."
The killer started crying.
And I started thinking about why forgiveness would make him cry.
Those people probably didn't say anything he hadn't said to himself...he had probably called himself all sorts of names...or at least had heard it enough so that it wasn't surprising.
But love...
undeserved love...
I doubt that guy had ever had someone give him unconditional love.
Just like you can take anything but kindness when you are right on the knife's edge when it comes to stress....You can take people being a holes...people cutting you off...people bailing.
But have some lady pull you aside while your toddler is screaming her head off and you are trying to mail a package to your husband who has been deployed for 9 months..and instead of her saying something like:
"Could you get your screaming brat out of here?"
Instead she says "Oh hon, thank you for your sacrifice...why don't I take her over here and play while you send your package"...
and you get so overcome you have to leave and cry...
Because it allows you to feel, instead of put up a wall.
So maybe forgiveness is the beginning, and compassion and love is the key that unlocks the ability to feel...and when that person feels forgiven they can forgive.
Maybe that is what Jesus meant when he said
I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
the forgiveness is an act of the will...a sacrifice of your feelings of vengeance.
To have compassion and love means to have mercy.
Because the pain that was visited on me didn't originate with him...or even his father's father.
There is a reason it's called a cycle of violence.
The only way to break the cycle of anger and hate is to counter it with love, not a void.
What it takes is It's opposite...
To stop at sacrifice...and not extend to mercy...
I think it's good...
but it's not enough.
not for me.
It's the extra mile.
Which is why, even after I had called and told him I forgave him....he was defensive.
He could sense the judgement within the forgiveness...
But if you could reach out to someone with love....
What then?
I just need to figure out how.
Those are my thoughts for the day.
Chris out.
You say things like "It's for you, not them."
or
Don't let things like that eat you up...
or
Forgiving allows you to let go...
So, I have forgiven for those reasons...
But quite frankly, it felt hollow and incomplete.
I have been having serious thoughts about forgiveness lately...
and sometimes I think God links people through a series of actions to teach them about life.
Or about a truth in life.
My abusive step father and I are linked in ways I can't quite figure.
But I know forgiveness is a big part of it.
Not just for me, but for him.
I once saw something pretty amazing.
I was watching the green river killer...I don't think you know that guy...or if you do, you are a big follower of the news like I am.
He murdered a lot of young women.
And as one person after another got up and condemned him you couldn't see a thing on that guys face.
Not a flinch.
Nothing but words like killer, scumbag...it didn't make a dent.
Then a man stood up and said "I forgive you, just like Jesus forgave me..not only do I forgive you..but I love you."
The killer started crying.
And I started thinking about why forgiveness would make him cry.
Those people probably didn't say anything he hadn't said to himself...he had probably called himself all sorts of names...or at least had heard it enough so that it wasn't surprising.
But love...
undeserved love...
I doubt that guy had ever had someone give him unconditional love.
Just like you can take anything but kindness when you are right on the knife's edge when it comes to stress....You can take people being a holes...people cutting you off...people bailing.
But have some lady pull you aside while your toddler is screaming her head off and you are trying to mail a package to your husband who has been deployed for 9 months..and instead of her saying something like:
"Could you get your screaming brat out of here?"
Instead she says "Oh hon, thank you for your sacrifice...why don't I take her over here and play while you send your package"...
and you get so overcome you have to leave and cry...
Because it allows you to feel, instead of put up a wall.
So maybe forgiveness is the beginning, and compassion and love is the key that unlocks the ability to feel...and when that person feels forgiven they can forgive.
Maybe that is what Jesus meant when he said
I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
the forgiveness is an act of the will...a sacrifice of your feelings of vengeance.
To have compassion and love means to have mercy.
Because the pain that was visited on me didn't originate with him...or even his father's father.
There is a reason it's called a cycle of violence.
The only way to break the cycle of anger and hate is to counter it with love, not a void.
What it takes is It's opposite...
To stop at sacrifice...and not extend to mercy...
I think it's good...
but it's not enough.
not for me.
It's the extra mile.
Which is why, even after I had called and told him I forgave him....he was defensive.
He could sense the judgement within the forgiveness...
But if you could reach out to someone with love....
What then?
I just need to figure out how.
Those are my thoughts for the day.
Chris out.
10.21.2011
Who I am doing this for and...Thanks!
Thank you guys for all the great snack suggestions...I love cabbage..so I may end up making 'mexican coleslaw' with green bell peppers for a night time snack. Anything to get through. By the end of the night I really am low on calories...or right at the edge...and if I am too hungry, I can't sleep.
I am a night owl. It's just the way I am. I have always been this way.
I went to the gym today...I have been weighing daily and am feeling good about my progress.
I sometimes have to remind myself that it takes time...
The last 20 pounds are harder than the first hundred and 10.
I don't know why.
Maybe that's why it's been such a long hard row this last year.
You are almost where you want to be, but not quite.
And some times you realize that even with every effort you will not look like some of those young, perky things flitting around the gym.
So you put in maximum effort and end up with mediocre results.
But I guess that is when you have to accept reality and move forward regardless.
Because it isn't about anyone but you.
And you owe it to yourself to do your best...FOR YOU.
So...I go on.
Knowing I look better than I did three years ago...that I have expanded my life in so many ways and that I am no longer simply existing...but able to really enjoy things.
Have a great night guys...
Hugs,
Chris
I am a night owl. It's just the way I am. I have always been this way.
I went to the gym today...I have been weighing daily and am feeling good about my progress.
I sometimes have to remind myself that it takes time...
The last 20 pounds are harder than the first hundred and 10.
I don't know why.
Maybe that's why it's been such a long hard row this last year.
You are almost where you want to be, but not quite.
And some times you realize that even with every effort you will not look like some of those young, perky things flitting around the gym.
So you put in maximum effort and end up with mediocre results.
But I guess that is when you have to accept reality and move forward regardless.
Because it isn't about anyone but you.
And you owe it to yourself to do your best...FOR YOU.
So...I go on.
Knowing I look better than I did three years ago...that I have expanded my life in so many ways and that I am no longer simply existing...but able to really enjoy things.
Have a great night guys...
Hugs,
Chris
10.20.2011
What are some good late night snacks for the calorie conscious?
okay..
I need some hints..
When it's 10 at night and I am very hungry I need good low calorie options.
So far the only great snack I have come up with is celery dipped salsa.
Any other sorts of cravings are harder to fix at 50 calories or less...like salty crunchy.
Chocolate-y etc.
What are some of ya'lls favorite low cal snacks?
I went to the gy m and did lower body weights and a four mile walk.
My husband went with me.
It was fun.
I don't have much to type tonight.
I am going to try and get to bed early cause I 'don't want to eat'.
Have a great night guys.
Chris otu.
I need some hints..
When it's 10 at night and I am very hungry I need good low calorie options.
So far the only great snack I have come up with is celery dipped salsa.
Any other sorts of cravings are harder to fix at 50 calories or less...like salty crunchy.
Chocolate-y etc.
What are some of ya'lls favorite low cal snacks?
I went to the gy m and did lower body weights and a four mile walk.
My husband went with me.
It was fun.
I don't have much to type tonight.
I am going to try and get to bed early cause I 'don't want to eat'.
Have a great night guys.
Chris otu.
10.18.2011
"FAT" according to whom?
Hello,
I have been thinking... which can be lethal in a bad mood...
I have been taking pics of my face...of my body.
And
I am Trying to improve them.
To my satisfaction.
I have to tell you people...I am glad I have a strong mind.
Because reading some of the comments about stars and their supposedly 'fat' bodies..
I can see why young girls become anorexic.
It's disgusting.
I was catching whiffs of how 'fat' Christina aguilera had gotten...
so I looked it up.
I was expecting a 50 pound gain by the way they kept going on and on...
Except she was not a size 16 or 20....
This is her.... 'fat'.
I think they mean P.H.A.T. (pretty, hot, and thick.)
After that little discovery I ran across This!
http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/celebrity_photos/not_fat_celebrity_weight_gain_controversies_nME1Kj1Tzh9NfuROFF7J4J?photo_num=1
Do any of those women look fat to you?
Me either.
I weighed in today at 157.
That is a one pound loss.
And I am proud of it!
I am still trying to lose weight...
to get to a healthy weight.
Not to become a stick figure or a walking skeleton.
And for comparison...
Demi moore last night.
I have been thinking... which can be lethal in a bad mood...
I have been taking pics of my face...of my body.
And
I am Trying to improve them.
To my satisfaction.
I have to tell you people...I am glad I have a strong mind.
Because reading some of the comments about stars and their supposedly 'fat' bodies..
I can see why young girls become anorexic.
It's disgusting.
I was catching whiffs of how 'fat' Christina aguilera had gotten...
so I looked it up.
I was expecting a 50 pound gain by the way they kept going on and on...
Except she was not a size 16 or 20....
This is her.... 'fat'.
I think they mean P.H.A.T. (pretty, hot, and thick.)
After that little discovery I ran across This!
http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/celebrity_photos/not_fat_celebrity_weight_gain_controversies_nME1Kj1Tzh9NfuROFF7J4J?photo_num=1
Do any of those women look fat to you?
Me either.
I weighed in today at 157.
That is a one pound loss.
And I am proud of it!
I am still trying to lose weight...
to get to a healthy weight.
Not to become a stick figure or a walking skeleton.
And for comparison...
Demi moore last night.
When your head is bigger than your pelvis, it's time for a burger.
What lessons are we teaching our boys and girls?
Guys are all over the place talking about how fat Christina Aguilera is...
So are a lot of girls.
Heck, even kelly osbourne called her fat.
She is tops an 8....probably less than that.
Just looking at her, she is still a healthy weight.
It's ridiculous.
We need to stop buying into the culture of anorexia.
And we need to embrace being healthy.
Women need to stop lynching each other in the press.
That would be a good start.
That's all,
Chris out.
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