138 vs. 138

The title of my post....
It's a number.
I'll get to it in a minute....
I worked out today, I ate a lot better today.
I burned 620 calories on Arnold, and I ate:
two eggs and a piece of toast
2cups of coffee with 4 T sugar and 1/3 of a cup of milk
One 6 inch chicken philly minus cheese extra veggies, lettuce tomato & banana peppers.
two pieces of chicken and a bag of sugar snap peas.
Total calories today: 1530 calories

there, back op....getting to the gym was hard but doable. I went after my girl scout troop meeting. 7-8:30 pm
I was tired, I enjoyed not one bit of that workout...but did my hour of cardio and my toning after.

So, 138 vs. 138
In high school, in my freshman year...I was briefly 138 lbs. I wore a size ten and felt 'fat'

just out of basic, I was 138 lbs. A big ball of muscle and I KNEW i was 'thin'

What was the difference?
In highschool, i rode my bike for ten to twenty miles on the weekends...I highly doubt I was 'fat'.

After basic, I wore a size 8 jean...I often wonder if I could have worn an 8 in highschool, but never tried?

It's mindset.
Right now I am 197 lbs.
I don't feel fat...at all.
I know I am still "obese'.
But I feel capable. I feel like I am a thin person who has a fat coating.
Before, in high school...and even after I got out of basic....I felt like a fat person masquerading as a thin girl.

It was a mirage and it was only a matter of time before "fat girl' got out.
Now I feel like it's just a matter of time before thin girl gets out.

The only difference in those 138's was the mindset.
I don't think the number on the scale matters as much as who you think you are.
It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

Last night, I could have thought....well, it was inevitable, this is what I do...revert.
But instead I thought, good brother...I can't believe I used to eat like that.
My second thought was
"This is not acceptable"
Then today, I ate right and exercised...cause this is who I am now.
Who do you think you are?


Amber said...

I am still trying to figure out who I am? I know I am not the same person I was 6 months ago or even 3 months ago. But I'm still working on "me".
I'll figure it out eventually.

Good post

Leslie said...

I think I'm a lean, strong, healthy capable woman who is wearing some extra layers. But not for long!

Chris - you are so right about mindset. This weight loss journey, as well as so many other areas of life, are essentially a head game. Get the head right and things gradually fall into place. Just do it!

You're one of my gurus for now. I am pumped up and excited to be doing this. I can't wait to resume exercise - because the energy that accompanies my enthusiasm needs an outlet!

Retta said...

"Cause this is who I am now."

And THAT is why you will make it to goal. I am firmly convinced that what you said about who we believe ourselves to be is true... that it IS a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We might stumble a bit here and there, but we don't STAY down and continue to behave that way cuz that is not who we are anymore.
I appreciated this, it reminded me to keep a clear image in my mind of the New Me.

Melissa said...

My whole journey was and still is me figuring out me. I had to decide how to balance "mommy", "wife", "employee", and so many other things with the "new" me in terms of diet and exercise. It's been hard, but I've learned so much about myself.

Foodie Girl said...

You always do such a great job with your posts. By keeping yourself grounded, it helps me to do the same thing. Thanks for always sharing your thoughts and perspectives. It helps tremendously!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

This really hits home. In high school I was 115 at 5' 4". I thought I was fat. I have a teenage daughter who weighs the same as I did in high school at the same height. The difference is that she regularly works out and is encouraged to eat right. We talk about being healthy, not about being skinny or not getting fat. The other night after she ran on the treadmill she showed me her stomach and said, "Look at my abs, mom. I'm really proud of them." I was so happy that she has good self esteem. Maybe it sounded a little conceited. I don't care. I don't want my daughter to think she's fat like I did. I want her to realize that having a healthy body takes effort and that you can't put garbage in your body and expect to feel good about yourself.

Unknown said...

I'm like an onion, getting to that inner sweet core, by removing the outer layers, slowly and one by one. I am fit, healthy and thin - on the inside and in my mind.
Most excellent question!

Hallie said...

This relates to me a little bit. At 220, I feel like a thin version of me. I'm going to have to change my *mindset* to start envisioning myself under 200 pounds, so that I can achieve that goal, too. :-)

Anonymous said...

It's almost funny how so many of us can relate to this! As a junior in high school, I weighed about 160/170 and I was constantly dieting because I thought I was fat. Now, I'd give my eye teeth to be at that weight and look so good.

Who do I think I am? Now, I'm the woman that will never give up. This road is LONG and it is a struggle for me. But the difference between success and failure, in my mind, is the difference between those who give up and those who never do.

How many moments of "failure" we all go through before reaching goal is different for everyone. What's *not* different is the fact that the only ones who make it to goal are the ones who never, ever stop trying.

Great post, Chris!

Tricia said...

I wrote a post recently in which I mentioned, "I don't need a BMI chart to tell me I'm healthy, MY BODY tells me I'm healthy."

It is so hard not to get stuck on the numbers.

Linda Pressman said...

I can relate. My first "fat weight" in high school was 130. I went on a carrot-only diet and turned orange. My top fat weight ever was 211. 130 was out of the question. At that time, I would have settled for the short term goal of getting under 200. When I got into the 170s I was in a doctor's office and after they weighed me I had tears in my eyes. They thought I was upset. They didn't understand. I didn't think I'd ever see the 170s again.

South Beach Steve said...

Chris, this is one of the biggest challenges any of us face - getting past our own minds.

bbubblyb said...

Great post Chris. I know I feel good at 191 and if I didn't lose another lb I would feel content.