My 200th post-and becoming a whole person.

wow,
200 posts! Who knew I had that much to say..I didn't.
I guess deep down I was bursting at the seams with words.
So, I am kind of on autopilot till the 1rst.
I am eating 1500-1600 calories. I exercised today for an hour.

I realized something pretty important today.
The importance of talking to someone who has been in your shoes.
It's one thing to talk to somebody and have them listen.
It's another thing to talk to someone and have them understand.....completely.
It makes you feel less strange and alone.
I should have done alot of things in life, the number one thing I should have done earlier in life was to reach out to people who have been through what I have been through so I didn't feel so alienated and alone.
Life is a continual growing experience.
I talked to my brother in law tonight as well.
It was an interesting conversation...It confirmed some of my suspicions about how I have been viewed for a long time.
I think I corrected some of the misconceptions.
I am still very glad I live in Colorado as opposed to closer.
I have some strong willed in laws. I am glad our family had a chance to grow and be strong and thrive without a lot of meddling and interference.

I am going to continue to go to the gym on through till the 31rst.
That will be my final weigh in day for the year.

When I started in May, I had no idea I would be where I am now.
Contrary to the ball of fire you are now viewing, I was less than certain.
I had tried so many times to lose weight, and failed...
I threw everything I had at this attempt in the hopes that something would stick, or click.

1.) This attempt included Personal leverage in the form of a picture that would go to my hometown newspaper that included my weight and my failure to lose said weight. If I hadn't at least lost forty pounds by the end of the year, my ex boyfriend would have been gazing at my fat self in the clare county review come January 1rst (I had every intention of sending it).
I lost it, and thirty on top of it at least.

2.) I started a blog. I told everyone who could hear. (or read)

3.) I wanted it so badly that I was willing to give up the one thing I had been using for comfort....food....and move towards a more whole and complete life.

It wasn't just food...it was everything.
How I related to my world was whack.
I didn't.
I just ate it.
I knew I had no concept of how to get out there and start living...how to widen my horizon and how to find different ways to cope.
Seven months in, I have found a few ways to deal with what life throws at me.
You know,
Exercise for stress relief...
Books for relaxation
Friends for company
as opposed to:
Food for stress relief
Food for relaxation
and
Food for company.

Heck my mil doesn't even stress me like she used to.
I feel so much more comfortable "in my skin'.
I am starting to like myself.
I am starting to let some of the things I have banging around in my head out into the world.

You guys probably read my blog and think "She talks like she writes"
I don't.
I could count on one hand the people who could identify me solely by reading what is on this blog site...other people would have no clue.
Only with people I am really close to, do I talk like this.
Everyone else thinks I am quiet.
I have a very hard time meeting people, talking or even expressing what I want to say.
I started this blog as a way to log my attempts at weight loss and financial frugality.
It became a kind of anonymous clubhouse where I could be the person who resided in my head.
This blog is where I can come and say what it is I am thinking. Things I don't say out loud. Things I would never have dared to say.
This blog has given me the confidence to start doing things I didn't think I could.
It has helped me say it (whatever it is) "out there".
It has helped me become 'more me."
I would like to thank everyone for the support I get here.
For the kind comments and the acceptance.
I didn't get alot of that growing up and I 'learned' to keep ME to myself.
For a long time, I made myself as small as possible...as unobjectionable as possible.
I tried not to 'bother' people.
I tried to be 'useful'.
I never gave a shot at just being myself.
To expressing myself, to accepting myself and taking whatever talents I might have and putting them out there. I think deep down, I thought that what I had to give wasn't worth taking.
Now, I think I am going to start stretching a little.
Trying new things. I may have something to give, or to say..that might help someone else.
It's exciting.
Well, this 200th post is long enough me thinks.
Oh and for the people who wanted to know about where I got my adding a zero to my weight thing...here is where I got it. I looked at her and thought...she looks like she knows where of she speaks. I went with that. I go by what works. It's who I am.
Talk to you all tomorrow.
hugs,
The guru of personal growth (lol)
Chris