I'm (not really) sorry shakespeare...Motivational mondays

Or what happens when Chris cleans out her dvd rack and finds one of her favorite movies....

EATMORELAMB: Oh that we had here, one ten thousand of the trainers in Los Angeles that do no work Today!

Chris the simple: Who is he that wishes so? My cousin EATMORELAMB!?

No my fair cousin! If we are marked to Diet, we are enough!
To do our *sses loss; and if to shrink,
The fewer professionals, the greater share of honor.

God's will! I pray thee, wish not one trainer more.
By Jillian, I am not covetous for Crispy cremes,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my lasagna;
It bothers me not if larger women my garments wear;
Size 18's dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet size 8's,
I am the most offending soul alive.

Chill, my man! Wish not for a trainer from L.A.
God's Peace!
I would not lose so great an honor as my One pound!
Any more loss WITH a trainer and methinks the trainer would steal my shine.

For the best hope I have is me.

O, do not wish for one!
Rather proclaim it, EATMORELAMB, throughout blogland,
That he which hath too much stomach for this fight,
Let him depart; his pancakes shall be made,
And dollars for the all you can eat buffet put into his purse;
We would not diet in that man's company
That fears our fellowship, to diet with us.
This day is called the feast of Christmas.
He that diets this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip toe when this day is named,
And rouse those who at the name of Christmas, did diet.
He that shall eat well and exercise this day, will see old age.
Will yearly on the vigil tell his neighbors,
And say, 'Tomorrow is Christmas.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his bicep,
And say, 'These muscles I gained on Christmas Day.'
Old men may forget: He may forget all else
But he'll remember...with advantages,
What exercise he did that day.

Then shall our names, Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Chris the simple, Paulawannacracker, TJ, Foodie Girl, Loretta, Karen and Joe. Alix of the Casa Hice, Sue the Fatass, Linda of Bar Mitzvahzilla, Hanli and FatTrainer. Marilee, Steve of the SouthBeach, Joania of Canada, Amber the Red, Anti-Jared and Tony of the Pink Panda.
Lastly a great hero of dieters everywhere, Sean the Anderson.
This story shall the good Jack Sh*t teach his daughter;
And Christmas Day shall never go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of dieters;
For he today that sheds his fat with me
Shall be my brother; be he ever so wide,
This day shall shrink his girth;
And dieters now-a-bed,
Shall think themselves accursed they did not try sooner,
And sit on *sses large while holding treats....

And hold up any
That dieted with us on Christmas day!


Linda Pressman said...

Bravo, ye Chris of EATMORELAMB, for expending dire amount of effort unto the wee hours writing such verse, and bravo ere the biceps be born with ye on Christmas Day.

Ye olde Linda of Bar Mitzvahzilla

Retta said...

"We few, we happy few, we band of dieters..."
This whole thing was so funny and clever! I was tickled to be included!
Thank you,

Sean Anderson said...

Love this!! Nice creative my friend! I'm proud and happy to be included in your merry band! Do I have to wear tights? Really, I'm no ready for tights yet!! LOL

You rock my friend,

My best always

Foodie Girl said...

Please... let there not be any tights.

lol... great post!

Tiffany said...

Just came across a comment you left on another blog and wanted to say congrats on all the success you've had so far. You're doing FANTASTIC!

bbubblyb said...

Great job Chris I'm sure Jack is proud lol.

South Beach Steve said...

I wish I were as talented as you, or Linda, or Jack, but I am not. So I will just say thanks for including me. :-) This was cute.

Christine Jeske said...

The funny thing is now I am TOTALLY PUMPED and ready for battle!

Woohoo! Great speach. :D

I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Chris. ♥

Joania said...

LOL!! I just pictured you standing on a mountain top reciting this verse!! You are so very creative!! I'm honored to be mentioned...I love the shout out to Canada as well :)) Awesome silliness at its BEST!! :)