Hey all, back from my blog and lifestyle vacay....
I took my kids to see alice in wonderland today.
We tried on Sunday but it was sold out...
The lady at the window asked my youngest if she 'didn't have school'.
I told her we homeschool and her face turned into a prune, lol.
that's right..we dictate our own schedule. If we want to do math at 7 at night...we do math at 7 at night..
or on a saturday...It's almost like you can 'do' learning whenever you like...almost ;oP
So, anyways...on to my new thoughts.
I finally or should I say increasingly, realized something this last week.
I see that I am thinner...I accept that I am thinner.
But I don't think my head has caught up to it.
I still am surprised if I catch a glimpse of myself out the corner of my eye.
Almost like the first time I saw myself as truly fat.
I was stretching the other day and for the first time I felt 'small'.
I am short...and the more weight I lose, the smaller I get. (obviously)
It's just hard to get used to.
I got used to being big for so long that sometimes I just look down and stare at my legs and think, "Those are mine."
It's march. I have been at this for around 10 months.
I am only about 8 lbs away from losing 100 lbs.
Now, I am not good about really savoring moments.
Like when I crossed into onederland...I was happy, but it was really kind of fleeting.
I have a feeling 100 lbs is going to be different.
When I was morbidly obese...I used to daydream whenever I would start dieting.
I would go through the process in my mind..(I have a really good imagination)
I would see myself thin,
I would see myself losing 100 lbs.
But it never happened.
It will happen.
I can make it happen.
I have made it happen,
and I have to tell you that knowing what I am capable of has produced all sorts of emotions and feelings, and hopes and fears.
Because the capability isn't really about weight loss.
It's about life.
Once you know what you can do if you 'apply yourself.' (Thank you Mrs. Shelander...third grade teacher extraordinaire)...
Then all of your excuses flee and the only cover you have left is what you fear.
I think it's a cover.
Yes, there is real fear in there....but it's nothing I can't deal with.
I can face down anything. I know that now.
All that's left is the fear of failing, or the fear of looking like a fool, or the fear that I might not measure up to other's expectations and then what?
Anyone who doesn't accept me for being the best I can be, isn't worth spit.
And really being less than you are to make other people feel better, that's just cowardly.
I think I have gone through life trying to be invisible.
I have been hiding.
I downplay any talent I may have, any intelligence, any beauty and anything....
As if these things, once possessed by me...well, that somehow I am taking them away from someone else. Or If someone doesn't have something I have, that it may make them feel bad...irregardless of the fact that they most certainly have gifts and talents and beauty that I don't have.
Our talents our our own.
Our intelligence, our capabilities do not detract from others intelligence or capabilities.
Instead of hiding our gifts..it's time to use them.
It's time to use mine...to make the most of everything I have.
If I can do it with my body.
I can do it with the rest of my life.
The possibilities really are limitless.
I will talk about my food plan and exercise tomorrow...
for now, this is where my mind is at.
Have a great night...