3.08.2010

limitless potential....

Hey all, back from my blog and lifestyle vacay....
I took my kids to see alice in wonderland today.
We tried on Sunday but it was sold out...
The lady at the window asked my youngest if she 'didn't have school'.
I told her we homeschool and her face turned into a prune, lol.
oy.
people.
that's right..we dictate our own schedule. If we want to do math at 7 at night...we do math at 7 at night..
or on a saturday...It's almost like you can 'do' learning whenever you like...almost ;oP

So, anyways...on to my new thoughts.
I finally or should I say increasingly, realized something this last week.
I see that I am thinner...I accept that I am thinner.
But I don't think my head has caught up to it.
I still am surprised if I catch a  glimpse of myself out the corner of my eye.
I go..oh....hey.
That's me.
Almost like the first time I saw myself as truly fat.
I was stretching the other day and for the first time I felt 'small'.
Like, midgety.
I am short...and the more weight I lose, the smaller I get. (obviously)
It's just hard to get used to.
I got used to being big for so long that sometimes I just look down and stare at my legs and think, "Those are mine."
It's march. I have been at this for around 10 months.
I am only about 8 lbs away from losing 100 lbs.
Now, I am not good about really savoring moments. 
Like when I crossed into onederland...I was happy, but it was really kind of fleeting.
I have a feeling 100 lbs is going to be different.
100 lbs.
one...hundred....pounds.
When I was morbidly obese...I used to daydream whenever I would start dieting.
I would go through the process in my mind..(I have a really good imagination)
I would see myself thin,
I would see myself losing 100 lbs.
But it never happened.

Until now.
It will happen.
I can make it happen.
I have made it happen,
and I have to tell you that knowing what I am capable of has produced all sorts of  emotions and feelings, and hopes and fears.
Because the capability isn't really about weight loss.
It's about life.
Once you know what you can do if you 'apply yourself.' (Thank you Mrs. Shelander...third grade teacher extraordinaire)...
Then all of your excuses flee and the only cover you have left is what you fear.
I think it's a cover.
Yes, there is real fear in there....but it's nothing I can't deal with.
I can face down anything. I know that now.
All that's left is the fear of failing, or the fear of looking like a fool, or the fear that I might not measure up to other's expectations and then what?
Then nothing.
Anyone who doesn't accept me for being the best I can be, isn't worth spit.
And really being less than you are to make other people feel better, that's just cowardly.
I  think I have gone through life trying to be invisible.
I have been hiding.
I downplay any talent I may have, any intelligence, any beauty and anything....
As if these things, once possessed by me...well, that somehow I am taking them away from someone else.  Or If someone doesn't have something I have, that it may make them feel bad...irregardless of the fact that they most certainly have gifts and talents and beauty that I don't have.
Our talents our our own.
Our intelligence, our capabilities do not detract from others intelligence or capabilities.
Instead of hiding our gifts..it's time to use them.
It's time to use mine...to make the most of everything I have.
If I can do it with my body.
I can do it with the rest of my life.
The possibilities really are limitless.
I will talk about my food plan and exercise tomorrow...
for now, this is where my mind is at.
Have a great night...
Hugs,
Chris

26 comments:

Amber said...

Like the new look!!!

An early Congrats on loosing 100 pounds! Awesome!!!
You have done great and will continue to do so.

Paula Rodriguez said...

Chris, 100 pounds. That's amazing. Congratulations. What an amazing feeling... knowing YOU accomplished this. YOU set your mind on doing this and YOU achieved it.

I'm so happy for you.

Becky the Design Lady said...

Right on.
I've finally come to the realization that you've so eloquently stated here.
By focusing on a healthy body and lifestyle many other aspects of my life that are out of control will fall into place.
Geez, if you can lose 100 pounds, you can do just about anything.

Kim said...

I like the bling-ish new layout...it rocks. :) Awesome post...as usual. "I downplay any talent I may have, any intelligence, any beauty and anything....
As if these things, once possessed by me...well, that somehow I am taking them away from someone else." Wow, I have thought this way so many times and didn't even realize it. Thanks for putting it into words.

Linda Pressman said...

Chris, maybe the movie theater person thought that WAS school - only seeing movies every day (ha ha)!

It's one of the strangest ironies that when we're fat we think we're invisible even though we're big and take up more space and are much more visible than smaller people. I used to dress in black from head to toe thinking I was like this black hole of matter, like no one could see me or couldn't make out the details of my body. It clearly wasn't true.

Fear is a big issue. Fat can't keep you safe from anything. Your life is out there waiting to be lived.

Learning to be Less said...

Dude that is amazing! It is hard to fathom how huge the number 100 is until you get there. Congratulations! You will totally do it. 100 pounds is huge (literally). You've lost an entire adult. Inspirational!

More power to you and your learnin'. Whenever you do it. I am jealous of all the field trips you can take.

She woke up FAT said...

YOu are doing an amazing job.

anne h said...

Wow - Chris -
One.Hundred.Pounds.
You are over the top awesome!

Leslie said...

Rock on, Chris. It's so great that you're getting this so young, too. The possibilities ARE endless. It'll be neat to see how it all continues to play out for you.

BTW, I'd have given you a prune face about homeschooling mainly because I could never have done it! I loved the hours during the day while my kids were at school. No one loves their kids more than I, but I needed a little distance! It's amazing you can and want to home school. My hat's off to you!

Rebecca said...

Your thoughts here are profound, lady! It's helpful to verbalize and "sit" with the reality--to "catch up" with one's soul from time to time.

Putz said...

actually you sound like vince lombardi of the green bay packers when he was alive>>>your speech makes me want to be peresident of the united states implimenting health care for all>>>who else do you think you will inspire with this rhetoric???????????he said that fatique makes cowards of us all>>>you are certainly no coward

stephseef said...

inCREDIBLE.

fanTASTIC.

thanks for inspiring me today.

we have homeschooled, too. i totally get it. :)

BryGuy said...

So close to 100 lbs.... that's awesome. I've always struggled with the positive imagery.....it's definitely something I plan on working on.

Seth said...

You have done great work! Come on 100!!

BEE said...

wow great post
so true
cant wait for you to get to that 100
im cheering ya on
its so close

Robin said...

First off, gotta say the new layout is a nice complement to your new look. The two go in hand. Perhaps it is an unconscious celebration of your new look on this page. Or not. I don't know.

To think you might be able to something and to actually do it are two very different things. You have bridged that gap. You have discovered the difference potential and actualization. The difference between wanting to live one way and actually living that way. It is very powerful. The 100 pounds is simply the milestone to show just how far you have come.

I read this and admired your commitment to your goal. I know you must have had days when you doubted yourself and your ability to get there. I know you must have had days when you simply didn't wanna. I know that there had to have been days when your spirit took a beating and you questioned whether it was worth it. Like I said, I read this and and admired your commitment.

seattlerunnergirl said...

This is so true. Strip it all away and the only thing holding us back is our fear and ourselves. I'm excited for what the future holds as we conquer those fears!

Rettakat said...

I really appreciated this... it is kind of like the thoughts that have been floating through my head.

I am excited for your kids, too. Cuz what YOU are will be transmitted to them, and could impact their lives for the good. That is wonderful!
Loretta
=^..^=

Rettakat said...

Oh, and I DO like the new look of your blog. It is feminine, yet bold and powerful, all at the same time. Classy!
Loretta
=^..^=

Melissa said...

I totally love your attitude all of the time. :)
You are sooo incredibly right about everything you just said.
Almost to 100 down. You should celebrate by doing something cool, like 100 situps in your front yard for the world to see or something. :)

karen@fitnessjourney said...

I would love for you to do a post about all the things that you can do now that you have lost nearly 100 pounds. That list could really help motivate those who need a reason to get started or just stay on the road. What do you say Chris?

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

It's great when our brain truly grasps what our body has accomplished. I'm sure those around you are looking at you differently as well.

Keep up the great work.

South Beach Steve said...

We often get the "prune face" for home schooling too. My wife prefers to go to the movies at the 12:30 show when the theater is closer to empty, and she always gets "the look". :-)

Alexia said...

How inspiring, Chris. Really. So happy for how far you've come.

Tammy said...

Have I told you that you are my absolute favorite blogger? Ok, female blogger (Sean and Jack are in a race for my #1 male blogger, lol). I love the way you write out exactly what you think and feel. It resonates with me so much, especially that "fear" you keep mentioning. I'll admit...what you say scares the hell out of me...but that's because I can't handle the truth sometimes. So glad I found your blog. You give me hope that one day I'll make it, too. :)

debby said...

100 pounds is a big deal Chris. It is a number I like saying. It means more to me in my head than just a number.

And I related well to feeling 'midgety.' Funny way to put it, but that's exactly how I feel some days. Most days I still don't think about being short. It is more an intellectual exercise where I try to see myself the way other people see me.