Road Kill

Hello all...
Its viper (aka chris)
but I feel more like road kill today.
I have but one small bruise on my arm.
But my muscles hurt.
arms, shoulders, legs and even my rear end.
Everything but my abs.
Why my abs were spared is not a mystery.
The 200 situps four or five days a week, well...
They seem to have worked.
As well as all the cardio I have been doing.
Because I didn't once get winded yesterday.
I have a lot of stamina.
My arms need work. I have a hard time lifting my shoulders today.
Yesterday was a lot of blocking.

I wanted to address an issue I have seen on a few blogs lately.
The why or how of eating.
I have a personal theory that the reason some people..smart people...seem unable to let go of weight is because of issues they haven't dealt with.
Issues which cause them to overeat, because they don't know how else to get their needs met..
Or if they do know, then they are afraid to get them met in an alternative way.

For instance.
You want attention from your husband.
For reasons known only to you, you don't feel comfortable asking for attention.
Maybe you think you would get rejected.
Maybe you think you aren't worthy of attention.
Maybe he is an *ss and wouldn't give you attention if your arm was ripped off in a combine accident and you were bleeding to death on the side of the road...
All of these...unknowns.
Only you (in the ubiquitious sense of the word) know.
So instead of getting the love and affection you need from Your husband...or wife...or mom or dad or children, friends, siblings and/or co-workers...
You eat it.
You eat to feel less alone.
And it works.
For a little while.
That is just one example of eating instead of having your needs met in other ways.
That is why I feel it's important...if you THINK or FEEL that you have baggage left that you haven't DEALT with.
That it needs to be dealt with, or it could be what is sabotaging you and your weight loss efforts.
And really, how crappy would it be for you to be putting in all this effort, only to have your subconcious brain ninja your diet?
heck...I have dealt with the majority of my issues.
Well, what I didn't know was that there was a ninja issue lurking in my subconcious.
I didn't know until I innocently go to the mall, and have a lecherous douche try to bag on me with some hand lotion.
I nearly passed out.
I had a serious issue of fear of men.
I knew I had a fear of men..but I thought it was manageable.
When your body goes into full on meltdown mode without your brains permission...
red alert.
You have an issue...(or I should say...I have an issue)
Now in days of yor...In the days of dieting disaster.
I would have had that revelation and my solution would have been to avoid the mall in the future.
My new approach...the dig it up, identify and kill it approach...
took me to my new self defense class last night.
I felt a little out of body for the first half hour..
About the time I chucked spanky to the mat, I was starting to feel better.
By the time padded attacker grabbed my pony tail and swung me to the mat and we had it out....
Well, let's just say I knew it was just a matter of time before I killed this 'issue'.
Literally or figuratively, it matters not.
I know now, that an issue left lying doesn't go away...
It festers.
It putrifies.
It gains strength.
You have to face it and put it to rest.
I knew I could choose to put it off till I felt 'ready'.
The problem is, the longer you let it go, the less ready you feel.
I know I felt less able to talk about certain things as time went on.
I felt I should just let it go...it had been twenty years.
But that is like saying the gangrene in your leg will get better if you 'let it go'.
It won't.
It will just keep spreading.
You have to cut out the infection, the cancer, for the healing to start.
For me that meant that i needed to communicate what happened to me and how it affected me...to the people who had turned my childhood into a living h*ll with their mental malfunction. Or it would have been like putting a band aid on a sucking chest wound and pretending it was 'all better'.
I mean, every time I communicated with these people and we all pretended nothing had happened...it was like they had picked up a big handful of grime and goo and smeared it into my band aid covered sucking chest wound.
(ugly analogy....but accurate)
I did what I had to, to put it behind me FOR GOOD.
not for a time.
It's called CLOSURE for a reason.
You have to close it off to move on healed.
You leave that wound open, it just gets re infected.
You decide to finish it.
You tell your side. You decide whether or not to accept the other side.
And even if you do decide to accept the explanation, it doesn't mean you are required to carry on the relationship.
Or if the person isn't sorry at all, it doesn't mean you CAN'T forgive.
You can. Forgiveness isn't about the other person.
It is about YOU.
It's so YOU WON'T be eaten up inside any longer.
And forgiving someone DOESN'T MEAN you have to have a relationship in the future with this person, especially if this person isn't sorry and is still the toxic bitter mess that made your childhood or life screwed up to begin with.
It just means you are no longer going to harbor bitterness inside yourself.
You are going to let it go.
like holding a feather out a car window on I-70.
Release it and never find it again.
Then go on with your life and find what does make you happy.
You don't want to be mucking around in bitterness and pain for ever.
Life is short.
Don't let that situation or person steal ONE MORE MINUTE.
At this point. If they are out of the picture and this situation is in the past.
You are giving them the precious seconds, minutes, hours and days of your life
VOLUNTARILY.
While they go on with theirs without a care in the world.
The thing is, it is nearly impossible to release that feather without doing what is necessary to pluck it out of your hide, where it is dug in and hanging on for dear life. You do what you have to, to pull it out.
I wrote a letter and had a phone call.
Then I released it.
Neither the phone call nor the letter were pleasant.
So what.
I finished it.
In the process I freed myself to become who I wanted to be.
I will talk about now tomorrow.
Did an hour at the gym on my elliptical, and did situps.
Good day exercise and calorie wise.
Have a great night all...
Hugs,
Chris