3.01.2010

monthly weigh in and public humiliation

Hello all..
First things first.
I had my weigh in...I am 172.
A six pound loss.
Before you all start saying "Oh that is a good loss...up till yesterday I was continually retaining and had only lost 5....
I had a water drink fest and a low sodium day to get rid of bloat..Well, it worked.
So pretty good loss.

Today was my day "off'.
I didn't exercise..I  didn't count calories...and I didn't binge.
I just ate what I wanted and stopped when full...
my day looked something like this.

eggs 2, piece of toast and pat of butter and an orange.
1/2 cup of coffee
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
then I went out to dinner at  on the border and had 'street tacos.
It was chicken with a bit of cheese on  three small corn tortillas with red chili sauce and avocado.
It came with rice and beans which I didn't eat.
I had a root beer.
I remember thinking half way through that meal that before, i would have considered this an appetizer.
So, finish that up...

and I decide to go to the mall...
I don't have much time, it's 8 o clock at night...but I want to go and look and see if I can find clothes I might want to buy at goal weight.
I also want to stop by Dick's sporting Goods to look for vibrams (they don't  have them)
So I walk around for a bit...stop in a few clothing stores.
I like the clothing in a place called Charlotte ross.
This next bit is going to be tough to write.
Then I decide it's time for me to go.
So I am walking out when one of these vendors stops me...it's two guys selling lotion and sea salt scrub and what not. I am not buying this stuff...
but for some reason I let them lure me over (knowing I have no money helps)
He starts in on the sea salt scrub...so he has me put some on.  So he is helping me wash it off....
Then he says here let me help you put some lotion on your hand...
he takes my hand and starts putting lotion on it...then turns it straight up and starts 'massaging  it'.
At this point I am starting to catch a vibe but wasn't quite there.
He says...You have beautiful eyes.
I catch the vibe.
Then he goes...are you married.
I say "very'.
And he says...I love the color of your hair.
my whole face flushes.
At first I think it's just cause I am embarrassed...
A.) He is a good looking dude.
B.) He is STILL rubbing my hand..
C.) I seem to have gone mute.

D.) and here is the worst part.
I go to say to say thank you because the only part of my brain functioning at that point was my objective brain saying "you remember that you need to learn how accept a compliment.'
While the other part of my brain is saying "You need to remove your hand from lotion man cause this is now inappropriate".
But before I can do any of that my FEAR OF MEN kicks in and does something completely horrible.
My stomach turns into knots, I feel like I am having an anxiety attack.
All the blood leaves me head and goes??????
who knows.
I am about to pass out.  Not the  cute, lets sit down and catch our breaths pass out but bent over, head between the knees and feeling for a pulse and people asking if I need an ambulance pass out.
Yep folks.
That is f*cked up.
I knew I had anxiety when men would whistle or comment.
But apparently when they lay it on thick, call an ambulance.
holy crap.
I can't even explain myself.  I NEVER felt afraid of my husband.
He is a blustery sort.  But he never invaded my space or made me feel infringed on.
He always gave me room.  He still does. I love my husband.
I recovered...the poor man bought me  a bottle of water.
I let him think I had a medical condition.
ugh.
Which I guess 'technically' I do.
I need to do something.
I really need to do the self defense stuff...I keep putting it off...but I just can't anymore.
I didn't know whether to cry or laugh.
That'll teach him to hit on a married woman anyways. last time he does that I bet.
He had really nice italian loafers on...I got a good look while sitting on the floor.
Well folks...
so, six pounds and some public humiliation. Great night.
Hope you all had a good day...
Hugs to you,
Your anxious blogger...
Chris

25 comments:

Kim said...

Ok, so is it possible to feel your pain and laugh at the same time? B/c I started laughing at first and then I was like,"Awwwww". You know what would be even funnier though....is if you start taking those self defense classes and instead of passing out in front of lotion guys, you kick'em in the nads instead. lol! Congrats on the loss and if it makes you feel any better, I probably would have turned into Porky Pig...I stutter a little when I'm terribly nervous. So, think of that scenario and maybe it'll make you feel a little better?? :)

Patsy said...

How awful... I really feel for you... :o( Without the anxiety thrown in, it's a difficult situation because where do you draw the line between a bit of 'harmless' flirting/banter and inappropriate behaviour...

Even when I was my skinniest I hated it when men whistled at me because I thought they were being ironic, not because I was a 6 foot, fairly attractive blonde... My stomach would be in knots and I'd have to get away as quickly as possible... :o(

Hope you can put it behind you soon...

Rettakat said...

Wow, that sort of puts my little pouting session in perspective. At least my weigh in disaster was in private (well, at least until I plastered it all over a public blog!).

But to go through that in public... I'm so sorry! The only good thing coming out of it seems to be your determination to get your behind into that self-defense class.

Congrats on the 6 pound loss. Sigh. Naturally, I am jealous even while happy for you. ;-)
Loretta
-=^..^=

Fiona said...

Well done on the loss... and ((hugs))!!

Sean Anderson said...

Very nice loss my friend! The dude should have immediately turned it off when you said "very." It sounds like he didn't care. Some guys are total morons. Ok--Most guys are. In fact---I would say 96% of guys are socially dysfunctional, without any idea how to properly behave--let alone treat a woman with proper respect. It sounds like your hubby is in the other 4%...a good man.
I'm sorry you had an anxiety attack. I hope you have recovered nicely. You're doing so incredibly well. keep up the amazing job!

My best always
Sean

MrsFatass said...

Aww, honey. I so get it. I have anxiety that at times is paralyzing. I understand.

But I'm totally prepared to call this a swoon if you are. I mean, he was wearing good shoes.

anne h said...

Men (and some women) are starting to hit on me now, too! I just look at them like WTF!

And to think last year at this time, I was
*invisible!*

What a Splurge said...

If you didn't buy anything, you're stronger than I am. I would have gotten the sea salt scrub. I'm a sucker for a little flirting.

But it sounds like it wasn't an easy-to-dismiss game for you. There's nothing to feel humiliated about. You probably scared the crap out of Lotion Man. He might be down 6 pounds too.

karen@fitnessjourney said...

If that guy wasn't acting totally inappropriate with you, the whole situation would never have happened. You shouldn't feel humiliated, sea salt guy needs to learn how to behave!

Helen said...

Oh no! He has probably used his sex appeal to sell his lotion for so long that he wasn't even aware of how uncomfortable you were getting. I hope you can work through this anxiety and I'm glad to hear you have such a sweet hubby in your life. Congrats on that 6 pounds!

Seth said...

That is really funny -- I am sorry that you had to be publicly humiliated for our enjoyment -- but you did get a good post out of it.

Congrats on the Loss.

Nice blog.

Beth said...

I feel really bad for you, but if he was put in an uncomfortable position, I think it's wonderful!

Leslie said...

I don't think it's f'ed up, but I think it's valuable information for you to ponder and keep in the front of your mind. Sounds like you were blind-sided in a way, and the awareness can help you be alert to early signs of a similar episode again. Good that you shared it here.

Congratulations on the weight loss - awesome as always. 6 pounds loss in a month (?) is great given where you are at this point. 2 pounds a week at the place you are now seems the maximum that is healthy and likely to stay off. Losing 100 pounds in 5-6 months strikes me as too much too fast. Of course, if I was losing that way, I'd love it!

bbubblyb said...

Sorry you had to go through that. I doubt a self defense class would have given you what you needed in that situation. Sometimes we just can't seem to think quick enough when put in uncomfortable situations like that. I think you handled it the best you could at the time. Way to go on your great lose too.

TJ said...

oh no! Im so sorry you had that happen to you! I always walk away from those guys. lol RUN NExt time! lol congrats on the loss- you kick ass! :)

New Beginnings said...

Congratulations on the loss. Keep working towards those feelings of anxiety. It will get better.

Robin said...

After we got through the "worst" of the encounter and you mentioned the self defense classes, my first thought was "Thank God she hadn't had the self defense classes." A lethal weapon who doesn't know when to engage is very dangerous. The man didn't want to hurt you physically. He wanted to sell you lotion. Granted, his technique needed work and I think you taught him a much better lesson the way you handled it.

Have you ever thought about therapy? I know some people would rather pull out their fingernails. I'm a big believer. I've been there off an on severl times in various "emotional crisis situations." I'm not talking about seeing a psychiatrist (they prescribe). A therapist. They listen and provide feedback. I would choose a woman. Definitely. That is, if you decide to do it. Think about it. Let it simmer on your backburner.

Whatever you do, still rooting for you!!!!

Melissa said...

Oh sweetie!! You poor thing. You'll never see the guy again, so don't worry about it. :)

At least your brain was going in the right direction for the compliment.

Congrats on the 6 pounds. Very very awesome.

Linda Pressman said...

Chris, I'm sure you weren't going to karate chop the dude, but I guess the question is, what do you need to do to make you feel safe as an attractive women out in the world. And how do you combat the uncomfortable feelings so that you never want to add some layers to your body so that you can deflect that attention again?

I'm a big proponent of mental exercises including postivie imagery, safe images, that type of thing. One day I'll have to tell you how I got rid of my two headaches per day eight years after my brain tumor through pure obstinacy!

cmoursler said...

yes. linda exactly. It's mental...like everything.
He had no intention of hurting me...it was my feelings of IRRATIONAL fear that got in the way...I think I could change my mindset if I start recalibrating...
that is it...exactly.

seattlerunnergirl said...

Great loss. Yikes on the passing out part. But I'm with Mrs. Fatass - call it a swoon. Glad to know you are going to be proactive with this fear/anxiety stuff. It's tough to live with.

Tara said...

Just like the video of the goats I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this post. I don't know what it feels like to experience that kind of anxiety. I don't have anxiety towards strangers at all. It's toward people I know (weird I know). I love going to places filled with people I don't have a clue about but put someone I know in that crowd and I'm all freaked out.

That being said, I'm sorry that happened. Smarmy men are super smarmy and when rubbing lotion on you it's even more smarmy...have you seen "Observe and Report" with Seth Rogan? There is a scene similar to your situation (lotion man and smarminess)...The movie is a riot if you like his movies.

That being said (again) KICK ASS ON THE 6 POUNDS!!!

Amber said...

Oh Chris,
Sorry the past has had so much effect on your life today.
But enjoy the fact that an attractive man hit on you!

(((hugs)))
amber

outdoor.mom said...

oh wow! i can totally see that happening to me. i get terribly nervous when i get other mens attention. i love my husband and want to be faithful 100%. When a guy does something like that, i am so flabbergasted i don't know what to do. i panic and act rediculous - granted, i've never fainted, but i felt like i was going to!! Well, consider yourself a faithful woman and your husband can feel secure about your faithfulness as well ;-)

Tammy said...

After your head ended up between your knees, he should have at least given you the sea salt scrub for free, lol....

Dude, I'm sorry...but you ALWAYS make me laugh....it's your sense of humor, the way you write, it just gets to me EVERY TIME. I've never had an anxiety attack, so I can't say I know what that feels like, but I will say that if you were humiliated, then I'm very sorry. I would never laugh at your pain...only when you make jokes about his loafers. :)