First things first.
I had my weigh in...I am 172.
A six pound loss.
Before you all start saying "Oh that is a good loss...up till yesterday I was continually retaining and had only lost 5....
I had a water drink fest and a low sodium day to get rid of bloat..Well, it worked.
So pretty good loss.
Today was my day "off'.
I didn't exercise..I didn't count calories...and I didn't binge.
I just ate what I wanted and stopped when full...
my day looked something like this.
eggs 2, piece of toast and pat of butter and an orange.
1/2 cup of coffee
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
then I went out to dinner at on the border and had 'street tacos.
It was chicken with a bit of cheese on three small corn tortillas with red chili sauce and avocado.
It came with rice and beans which I didn't eat.
I had a root beer.
I remember thinking half way through that meal that before, i would have considered this an appetizer.
So, finish that up...
and I decide to go to the mall...
I don't have much time, it's 8 o clock at night...but I want to go and look and see if I can find clothes I might want to buy at goal weight.
I also want to stop by Dick's sporting Goods to look for vibrams (they don't have them)
So I walk around for a bit...stop in a few clothing stores.
I like the clothing in a place called Charlotte ross.
This next bit is going to be tough to write.
Then I decide it's time for me to go.
So I am walking out when one of these vendors stops me...it's two guys selling lotion and sea salt scrub and what not. I am not buying this stuff...
but for some reason I let them lure me over (knowing I have no money helps)
He starts in on the sea salt scrub...so he has me put some on. So he is helping me wash it off....
Then he says here let me help you put some lotion on your hand...
he takes my hand and starts putting lotion on it...then turns it straight up and starts 'massaging it'.
At this point I am starting to catch a vibe but wasn't quite there.
He says...You have beautiful eyes.
I catch the vibe.
Then he goes...are you married.
I say "very'.
And he says...I love the color of your hair.
my whole face flushes.
At first I think it's just cause I am embarrassed...
A.) He is a good looking dude.
B.) He is STILL rubbing my hand..
C.) I seem to have gone mute.
D.) and here is the worst part.
I go to say to say thank you because the only part of my brain functioning at that point was my objective brain saying "you remember that you need to learn how accept a compliment.'
While the other part of my brain is saying "You need to remove your hand from lotion man cause this is now inappropriate".
But before I can do any of that my FEAR OF MEN kicks in and does something completely horrible.
My stomach turns into knots, I feel like I am having an anxiety attack.
All the blood leaves me head and goes??????
I am about to pass out. Not the cute, lets sit down and catch our breaths pass out but bent over, head between the knees and feeling for a pulse and people asking if I need an ambulance pass out.
That is f*cked up.
I knew I had anxiety when men would whistle or comment.
But apparently when they lay it on thick, call an ambulance.
I can't even explain myself. I NEVER felt afraid of my husband.
He is a blustery sort. But he never invaded my space or made me feel infringed on.
He always gave me room. He still does. I love my husband.
I recovered...the poor man bought me a bottle of water.
I let him think I had a medical condition.
Which I guess 'technically' I do.
I need to do something.
I really need to do the self defense stuff...I keep putting it off...but I just can't anymore.
I didn't know whether to cry or laugh.
That'll teach him to hit on a married woman anyways. last time he does that I bet.
He had really nice italian loafers on...I got a good look while sitting on the floor.
so, six pounds and some public humiliation. Great night.
Hope you all had a good day...
Hugs to you,
Your anxious blogger...