3.17.2010

The best year of my life....

Hello all,
Well. I had a very busy day.
Which is why I am posting soooo late.
Today was my 36th Birthday.
It was a busy day. (What day isn't?)
I had my final cookie meeting, YEAH!
I had a girl scout meeting where we made t shirts (I can fit a medium t shirt now...DOUBLE YEAH!)

I wanted to say something about what today meant to me.
I started this journey on May 4th, 2009.
About 2 months after my 35th birthday.
On my 35th birthday, I can't really remember what I did.
I don't remember actually.
I probably didn't do much, but I do know what I was probably thinking...
The same thing I had been thinking every year since I started gaining all this weight.
I would think, "I wish I was thinner."

On my 35th Birthday..I had no intention of ever going on another 'diet'.
None.
Never.
Again.
I was done with diets.
Worn out.
I had tried and failed.
Too many times to count.
I would get up a good head of steam....get all excited...then fizzle after a month or two.
I always had a reason or an excuse.
But really, in the back of my mind.
I wasn't 'that bad'.
I wasn't 'that fat'.
You decide.... Scroll to the middle to find my starting picture....

In the process of being done with diets, I had actually started to eat less.
I didn't really change my diet.
But I didn't stuff my face until I was sick anymore either.
I wore a lot of big baggy clothing.
I thought it hid my weight.
The only person I was fooling was me.
I had no idea that my life was about to change.
I was just going along...doing what I have always done.
When two months after my 35th birthday, my life changed.
I can't begin to place all the pieces to the puzzles that fell in place.
I can't even really tell you with exact certainty WHY.
I don't know if you have ever had a moment where you KNEW that you had decided, and that there was no going back.
Well, I have had a couple of those.
When I met my husband.
When I decided to get pregnant with both of my children...
and that day in build a bear. (scroll to the center of post and double click, I am the one hiding behind the shelves holding a cup of coffee...20 minutes away from a personal revelation)
That day when I looked up and saw who I actually was, instead of the person I kept envisioning in my head.
I knew WITH CERTAINTY that this was not it for me.
THIS WAS NOT WHO I WANTED TO BE.
I deserved better.
Better than to feel tired.
Better than to feel like a perpetual failure.
Better than to feel like I couldn't control MYSELF.
I was drinking a grande white mocha with whipped cream when I saw myself clearly.
It's almost as bad as laying in an alley, looking down and seeing a needle sticking out of your arm.
Really seeing your destructive behavior for what it was.
IF I COULDN'T CONTROL WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH, WHAT DID I REALLY CONTROL!!!

THE TRUTH:
NOTHING!

That wasn't an acceptable answer to me.
I threw that last half a cup of coffee away.
That night I lay in bed crying.
I said to God that I was afraid I couldn't do it.
Afraid that I would fail.
So I would give it all to him and it would be his success.
I went to sleep.
I woke up the next day with a very simple plan.
Eat 1800 calories and walk 1 mile.
that's it.
The voice in my head said it wasn't enough.
Not enough...not enough...not enough...
that's when I thought.
It doesn't matter about tomorrow, and yesterday is gone.
Today is all I have.
It's enough for today.
So I did it that day.
I woke up the next day.
And did it again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
You see, it isn't like I woke up one day.
ate 1200 calories...went to the gym for an hour and a half and dropped 94 lbs.
I dropped 94 pounds over a 10 month period of time.
Tomorrow is my 10 month anniversary.
If anything the scale has become less important as I have gone along.
More important.
consistency.
Sticking with my plan.
taking my exercise up a notch.
I couldn't lose the 90th pound without losing the 1rst pound.
I couldn't have my days of victory.
My days of wearing a size 12 pant...Today for instance ;o).
Without first going from a size 22 pant to a size 20.
It is one step, one pound at a time.
I can honestly say, as far as personal victories go....that this has been the best year of my life.
I found out who I was this year.
I found out what I wanted, and I made it happen...with God's help.
This Next year I intend to make Goal weight.
Then I intend to apply all the lessons I learned while losing weight, to other aspects of my life.
Hard work, perseverance, hope, positive mindset and CONSISTENCY.
You can do this too.
You just have to decide.
Decide to make the next year of your life your best year.
It can start now.

Hugs and *ss kickings,
Chris

29 comments:

snoconegirl said...

wow...wow ..wow...congratulations on your anniversary and happy birthday! wow 36..oh to be 36 again..actually i dont want to be 36 again..hehe..but i love this post..you have done amazing things and it is only going to be better and better..iam hoping for myself that this is the moment for me..all i can say is yes today was good..but that is all we are promised anyhow..we just have to keep going and it will come off..im proud of ya..have a great night..kelli

Weighting Around said...

What a wonderful, inspiring post, Chris. This truly has been a momentous year for you. Happy Birthday, and may all the years that follow be filled with happiness and good health!

266 said...

Happy birthday, Chris!!! You've come a loooooong way!

Sean Anderson said...

Happy Birthday my friend! I couldn't agree with you more...consistency, consistency, consistency!!!

You're a beautiful example and inspiration to so many!

Thank you for what you do!

My best always
Sean

BEE said...

yea love this post
really hit home for me
thanks

BEE said...

happy belated birthday

Alexia said...

WOW Chris! This post really resonated with me. I turn 22 next Tuesday and I refuse to reach 23 at any less than a healthy weight.
I've wanted to lose weight since I was probably 14. And it's finally happening.

I'm so happy for you!

Happy Belated birthday!

Seth said...

Really good post. Isn't funny how we can remember exactly where we were at and what we were doing when we get to that point of saying..no more.

Leslie said...

Happiest of birthdays to you! Great post. And thanks for the comment you put on my post yesterday about the inner dialogue that is somewhere abandoning my truth and deepest desire to get as healthy as possible. Once before you said to me "what is going on in your head that tells you it's okay to eat that way?" and it jolted me. You've said it again in a different way. I will be keeping that thought in my mind, intentionally calling it up when the temptation to run from myself by stuffing in crap hits. You're one of my role models here, and I greatly appreciate you. Even when I'm insanely jealous of your remarkable progress and positive attitude! It's what I want and it's also who I am when I get out of my own way. Thanks a ton (no pun, heh heh)!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Can't lose the 90th pound until you lose the first. Ain't that the damned truth?

I think that's what trips up a lot of folks, Chris. They've so focused on those last ten pounds and the finish line that they trip and stumble at the beginning of the race.

Early on in my journey, I remember lying in my bed at the end of the day, my stomach grumbling and my mind racing, ticking off all the mini-accomplishments I had achieved that day. "One day more," I told myself. That was my mantra... and sometimes it still is. Like you, so much has changed for me over the past few months, but the fundamentals are still the same.

Happy birthday, btw. Hope it was a great one!

Helen said...

Some really great people were born in March ;-) Hope your celebration of life continues the whole month! I think this is my favorite post you've ever written. Thanks for baring your soul like that.

Roxie said...

Happy Birthday, C. You've done amazing things. I hope you are sufficiently proud of yourself.

Have a great day!

TJ said...

Happy Best Year Of Your Life (birthday too!) :) XOXO


ps- yes I am the pool spring chicken! lol :)

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Awesome post! I can totally relate to the part about seeing what you actually looked like vs. what you envisioned in your mind. That was me for years, I'd have to look in the mirror to remind myself that I as actually fat & in my dreams I was always a slender me.

I love the one day at a time approach - it keeps me from getting overwhelmed when the rest of life is stressful. And if you have a bad day... a fresh start is never more than a few hours away.

Your success is very inspiring & I look so forward to seeing you reach your goal weight in the coming year! :)

Elaine said...

This is so inspiring! I get frustrated that weight loss is such a slow process, but you're so right--every pound off is a step in the right direction! Happy birthday! :D

Robin said...

That was inspiring for anyone who anyone who wants to make a change in their life. Iknow that I look at where I want to be and where I am and the two are very far are apart. You've given me some new perspective. How can I break this up into smaller, more managable pieces so that it becomes achievable? I don't know what that answer is yet, but it has given me something to think about. Thanks!

Putz said...

i don't, do not, think i will tease you tdau chris>>>>sound like all of this has been so so imprortant to you and that god bless has been with you the whole way , so i will say i have love foer you as a friend and am glad of your success, amnd now what about me??????i am slightly overweight... i am presently at 168 and am at five feet, nine and 1/2 inches and have swarn never ever to go on a diet>>>am i lost???/do i have any chance at alll??????

isladeangela said...

What a great reflection post, Chris! I especially liked your comment "You can't lose 90 pounds without first losing 1." It's so obvious yet so hard to remember when the scale is stuck on one number and all you want to see is your goal number pop up! I hope this is your beswt year yet! ~ Angie

Melissa said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! (even though I'm a day late. )

Awesome work in 10 months. You have worked so hard and it shows. The next year is going to be awesome for you, I just know it.

Love your blog and your attitude. Keep it up.

Rettakat said...

Thank you for sharing this, Chris. It was a wonderful reminder for me. My old doubts are trying to get a foot in the door, and it really helped to read this... like seeing a glimpse into the future, if one stays consistent.

And Happy Birthday!
Loretta
=^..^=

Amber said...

Happy late Birthday and congrats on such a great year!

Enjoy the new you!

Country Neighborhood said...

Congratulations! You're such an inspiration.

M Pax said...

Happy Birthday! What an amazing and inspiring story.

Yes, I remember when I decided to. And the reason I stick is because of what I want from my life and who I want to be, too. It's a powerful thing, isn't it? That moment. :)

MB said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and Happy Anniversary.

Sounds like you figured out the big weight loss secret ... consistency.

I hope this year is even better and will do the happy dance when you reach your ultimate goal. You are such an inspiration. I'm in awe of all you've accomplished this past year and look forward to continuing the journey with you.

Keep up the good work.

Cheers.

Linda Pressman said...

Shoot, Chris, I can't believe I missed your birthday yesterday! Happy, happy Birthday and congratulations on a wonderful year.

I love where you mentioned telling God you didn't think you could do it. I would say in my program that I've been granted one perfect day, over and over again. And that was all I needed, that one perfect day. Altogether, a lot of days.

Tammy said...

I love every single thing you said in this post, from throwing away the coffee, to laying in bed crying and talking to God, to saying you can't lose the 90th lb w/o losing the 1st (genius), and for the analogy about laying in the alley & seeing a needle sticking out of your arm. Your writing is always so raw...so clear...so effective...so stunning...and so perfectly right. I'm just so proud of all you've done. Thanks for the constant reminder of how simple this really can be, if we just step out of our own way, as Leslie said.

Hanlie said...

Happy birthday, Chris! You have truly had an awesome year and I wish you all the best for the year to come. I have no doubt that you will reach your goal weight in the months to come.

Sandra said...

Happy Birthday Chris..

I love your story - it's the reason I love to read your posts - you are very inspiring to a LOT of people.

MargieAnne said...

Happy Birthday. I see I am a day late. That's because I've been reading your whole Blog and am still back in December last year. You are a great example of 'doing it.' I admire your consistent approach enormously and appreciate your honesty re the bad stuff.

Your straight forward manner will continue to help many people.

Thanks for having the courage to face the music and get on with life.

Blessings. You are proof of your own strength and our God.