Well. I had a very busy day.
Which is why I am posting soooo late.
Today was my 36th Birthday.
It was a busy day. (What day isn't?)
I had my final cookie meeting, YEAH!
I had a girl scout meeting where we made t shirts (I can fit a medium t shirt now...DOUBLE YEAH!)
I wanted to say something about what today meant to me.
I started this journey on May 4th, 2009.
About 2 months after my 35th birthday.
On my 35th birthday, I can't really remember what I did.
I don't remember actually.
I probably didn't do much, but I do know what I was probably thinking...
The same thing I had been thinking every year since I started gaining all this weight.
I would think, "I wish I was thinner."
On my 35th Birthday..I had no intention of ever going on another 'diet'.
I was done with diets.
I had tried and failed.
Too many times to count.
I would get up a good head of steam....get all excited...then fizzle after a month or two.
I always had a reason or an excuse.
But really, in the back of my mind.
I wasn't 'that bad'.
I wasn't 'that fat'.
You decide.... Scroll to the middle to find my starting picture....
In the process of being done with diets, I had actually started to eat less.
I didn't really change my diet.
But I didn't stuff my face until I was sick anymore either.
I wore a lot of big baggy clothing.
I thought it hid my weight.
The only person I was fooling was me.
I had no idea that my life was about to change.
I was just going along...doing what I have always done.
When two months after my 35th birthday, my life changed.
I can't begin to place all the pieces to the puzzles that fell in place.
I can't even really tell you with exact certainty WHY.
I don't know if you have ever had a moment where you KNEW that you had decided, and that there was no going back.
Well, I have had a couple of those.
When I met my husband.
When I decided to get pregnant with both of my children...
and that day in build a bear. (scroll to the center of post and double click, I am the one hiding behind the shelves holding a cup of coffee...20 minutes away from a personal revelation)
That day when I looked up and saw who I actually was, instead of the person I kept envisioning in my head.
I knew WITH CERTAINTY that this was not it for me.
THIS WAS NOT WHO I WANTED TO BE.
I deserved better.
Better than to feel tired.
Better than to feel like a perpetual failure.
Better than to feel like I couldn't control MYSELF.
I was drinking a grande white mocha with whipped cream when I saw myself clearly.
It's almost as bad as laying in an alley, looking down and seeing a needle sticking out of your arm.
Really seeing your destructive behavior for what it was.
IF I COULDN'T CONTROL WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH, WHAT DID I REALLY CONTROL!!!
That wasn't an acceptable answer to me.
I threw that last half a cup of coffee away.
That night I lay in bed crying.
I said to God that I was afraid I couldn't do it.
Afraid that I would fail.
So I would give it all to him and it would be his success.
I went to sleep.
I woke up the next day with a very simple plan.
Eat 1800 calories and walk 1 mile.
The voice in my head said it wasn't enough.
Not enough...not enough...not enough...
that's when I thought.
It doesn't matter about tomorrow, and yesterday is gone.
Today is all I have.
It's enough for today.
So I did it that day.
I woke up the next day.
And did it again.
You see, it isn't like I woke up one day.
ate 1200 calories...went to the gym for an hour and a half and dropped 94 lbs.
I dropped 94 pounds over a 10 month period of time.
Tomorrow is my 10 month anniversary.
If anything the scale has become less important as I have gone along.
Sticking with my plan.
taking my exercise up a notch.
I couldn't lose the 90th pound without losing the 1rst pound.
I couldn't have my days of victory.
My days of wearing a size 12 pant...Today for instance ;o).
Without first going from a size 22 pant to a size 20.
It is one step, one pound at a time.
I can honestly say, as far as personal victories go....that this has been the best year of my life.
I found out who I was this year.
I found out what I wanted, and I made it happen...with God's help.
This Next year I intend to make Goal weight.
Then I intend to apply all the lessons I learned while losing weight, to other aspects of my life.
Hard work, perseverance, hope, positive mindset and CONSISTENCY.
You can do this too.
You just have to decide.
Decide to make the next year of your life your best year.
It can start now.
Hugs and *ss kickings,