Saddle Sore

Those of you who ride horses know what I am referring to...
I loved Horseback riding growing up...
But there were days after riding 8 hours that you end up walking like your holding a log between your knees.
Your rear end hurts, Your tired and you're sneezing dust for three days.
You love riding, but don't want to see a horse for a while.
That's how I had been feeling about this whole weight loss and diet business after I got back from My vacation.
I didn't want to.
The eternal quest for a smaller @ss wasn't doing it for me...
I feel pretty now.  I feel good.
I was eating extra bits here and there. But still going to the gym.
I was still losing slooooowly.
But I didn't have the joy I had before...
Then my youngest daughters birthday was coming up.
And I decided to throw myself at it wholehearted.
This whole year I put everything on the back burner to lose weight.
My house was a god awful mess....I had been doing every holiday at the last minute. My youngest was turning 9....she is getting older...I wanted to go whole hog..
The way I used to for my oldest...
I wanted to put all my effort into this party, to be present and joyous.
you all have heard that word before.
So, for a period of four or five days..I didn't count calories...I walked but at most I walked 3.5 miles.
One day I walked a mile.
One day I didn't walk at all...the day of the party
I got balloons, fixed up an old vanity to make it sparkle, found makeup and handed out invites.
I gave that party and day my all....
Yesterday I ate maintenance..
The upshot, I gained a pound...(Now remember folks...there was cake and pizza involved...this wasn't just a bit here and there)
yeah, your consistent blogger is sitting at 156.
another upshot.
I am back otk today.
Well actually yesterday.
I walked 3.5 miles yesterday and counted and measured everything.
It was hard getting back on program after a four or five day vacation.
I honestly wondered at one point if this was it...where I started sliding back...
But today, for the first time in nearly two months..I enjoyed my workout.
I relished watching what I ate.
I have this constant inner dialogue.
The four or five day break I took..
I kept saying to myself..
Will  you be able to start again?
Will you be able to flip that switch?
Yesterday proved to me that I could, I just had to put out my hand and say enough.
I remembered why I wanted this.
I thought about the weight I am now...Yes, I am happy here.
(a little too happy...comfortable even.)
But ultimately, it isn't where I want to be.
After I got back, I didn't dress up or do my hair for almost three weeks...
I was worn out.
I kept thinking, is this all it's about...getting dressed up?
Then I realized that of course it wasn't, it was so I could throw myself into life with abandon.
So my body and my health wouldn't impede my progress..
So on the majority of days...I will eat healthy..I will exercise.
On Holidays and birthdays, I will eat what I want and have a great time.
So, I did my makeup today, and put on a skirt...
I want to live each day as the gift it is, not with food but with joy.
I counted my calories and tried a new recipe.
Sometimes you have been doing something so long it becomes tiring instead of inspiring.
A mini break from counting and six days a week at the gym was what I needed.
If you are feeling worn out...What do you need?
Remember you can start doing what's right at any time.
So, if you have been putting healthy living on the back burner...
You can light the pilot right now.
Sometimes you're just saddlesore.
Have a great night guys.


Jane said...

Gosh--you have a way with words and a knack for hitting the nail on the head. Thanks!

Sandra said...

I know I haven't commented much lately but I READ everything you write. Some days you say just the thing I need to read.

I am/have been saddle sore lately and as of today I'm back in the saddle again.... and it feels good to be back.

Annalisa201 said...

LOL... I have a feeling I am not alone in saying this: I feel like this is a personal letter just to me. And I really appreciate the time you took to write it. I really really needed to hear it. Thank you!

MargieAnne said...

You always say just the right thing.

After 6 months of very slow weight loss I was sick and tired of this business. I'd have lost the plot completely if I hadn't got this thought stuck in my head.


The funny thing is I picked it up from something you wrote.

So, like you, I have learned that in spite of my fears I can have a break from constant focus and still get back on the 'horse.' It may not be easy and I may fall off at first but there is NO QUITTING because this is life, whether losing or maintaining.

The Exquisite Christine said...

Wow.... You didn't write this for Annalisa! You wrote it for ME!!!!! Thanks, babe. I. REALLY. FEEL. IT. TODAY.

My saddle has been rubbing me raw and this week I remembered how I got to 215. Like physically saw myself slipping back.

Is it worth every thing else in my life being on back burner? The clutter and messes I ignore so I can get another workout in? Is my exercise addiction any healthier than my food addiction was???

Yeah. And I can find balance and be sane.

It's not one or the other, I can exercise and have kids and be a good attentive Mom and clean every once in a while.

But sometimes I need to be gung ho. To get where I want to be.

Holidays and messes will come up, and a day off is okay. I can live this way. With my health addiction. I can find life in this. So it's back in the saddle . . .

Rettakat said...

Great message! But... don't get mad at me, okay? But for someone like me, with a looonnnggg way to go and not being a spring chicken any more, I don't think I can afford to allow myself to let my saddle sores sideline me.

It's just too important... too desperate.. to NECESSARY for me to get this off. Not to look good, or even feel good. But to live.

So, I guess I'll need to find ways to PAD my saddle!! LOL!! Yes, I sure do get "saddle sore", often as a matter of fact. But I just have to find ways to relieve the tedium, the sameness, the forever feeling of it all.

I suppose that is why I join challenges. It breaks up the journey for me into shorter chunks, and adds a little fun and camaraderie.

But I know I'm in the minority, and most folks can do this approach, which I actually think is not bad at all! :-)


carla said...

echoing the masses but I am also continually awed by how you can write a post which relates to ALL OF OUR DISPARATE journeys so well.
and which hits "home" for so so many of us.


Helen said...

Sometimes my saddle sores come from trying so hard to reach goal all the time and I definitely need a break. Lots of times I use my vacation for that break. I find I come back refreshed and find it much easier to get back in the saddle.

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

I totally have days where I feel saddlesore...weeks, even. But then I remember this: "I want to live each day as the gift it is, not with food but with joy." Your words, but they say *exactly* what I'm learning right now. Living with joy doesn't mean living with all the food I want to eat whenever I want to eat it. I'm also learning that I can have fun and be joyful without eating at all (i.e., at a party). *gasp* Imagine that!

Anyhow, great post as always and glad you are back OTK.

Seth said...

I'm coming to the realization that the summer is hard to lose weight consistently for whatever reason. keep it up badger!

Walk like you have a log in between -- at least your moving right?

M Pax said...

After being here this long [total of 4.5 years - 2.5 maintaining], now I prefer my healthier habits. If I need time off [like to finish a manuscript], I don't worry that I won't be back at regular workouts. I always want to go back. Besides, I got rid of all clothes besides the size I wear. So, I either maintain or go nude. I maintain. LOL This past 2 years have been the only in my life where my weight has not fluctuated. Yaay.

Robin said...

Every day can be the first day of the rest of your life. You might fall in the ditch. That sucks. It hurts. So much so that you might not get up for a while. Instead you lie there. Cry. Roll around. Beat fists into the ground. Despair your life. Think negative thoughts. Eventually, the ditch gets tiresome. So, you pull yourself out and decide this is the first day of the rest of your life and recommit yourself. Does that invalidate your former commitment. No. Everybody falls down. You only fail if you stay down. I always appreciate they way that you frame your stories and your honesty about YOUR story. It applies to weightloss and LIFE.

bbubblyb said...

I've come to realize it's just about being happy. Sometimes we need those breaks to bring the joy back into the daily things. Glad you are enjoying things again. Loved hearing about your daughters party too, mine turns 9 in September and I think I need to do something special too.