You know, I read sean's blog.
Sean, from a daily diary of a winning loser.
He does this thing where he looks up what was going on one year ago...
I thought I should do that.
I have gone quite far, sometimes I can't even believe that I am one year into this thing (more like 14 months in...)
So here goes, lets see what I can find.
I am down 20 lbs from where I started. It's only been seven weeks. I don't want to lose too much too soon, but am not pushing too hard I don't think. I weigh 242 right now. I started at 262.4. This post looks like my brain. A mish mash. I have a lot of stuff going on right now, just getting on here to write something down was a chore, so at least it's done. I have a feeling this blog is more important than I think it is. I am going to walk two miles tommorrow,
Wow, glad I did that....20 lbs down, really?
I started on May 4th, 2009 and this entry was July 8th, 2009.
I weighed in this morning at 153.5.
That is about 109 lbs gone.
I have a feeling this blog is more important than I think it is...
This blog has been my confessional, my support, my place to come to find inspiration.
That line up there about not wanting to lose too much too soon...I remember why I wrote that.
I wrote that because I was AFRAID that if I lost too much too quickly I would slip back into magical thinking.
You know, the thinking that calories in and calories out aren't related.
That some mystical formula would make dieting a breeze.
I wanted so badly to be anchored in reality.
To know that hard work was the ONLY thing that would work this time.
I wanted it to hurt.
Maybe I wanted to punish myself for letting it happen.
But mostly, I never wanted to go back to sleep.
I won't do this everyday...But I will start posting things that I find relevent.
I think it is a good thing to look back at where we came from.
It clears things up, and it keeps things in perspective.
I remember how my feet used to burn when I walked.
Like red hot pokers coming up from underneath.
a walk would wipe me out.
I had to put so many things on hold last summer.
visiting with friends.
It took so much energy to turn this train around.
I had to put on the breaks full stop and throw this crap in reverse.
I had to view it in terms that were black and white.
Yes and No.
Right and wrong.
Or it just wouldn't work for me.
When I had eating times...high calorie days.
It was 6 hours of whatever I wanted...spigot opened and gushing.
Back to the grind.
Now I have more of a nuanced approach.
But not in the beginning.
I was learning.
It's a process.
But don't let anything stop you once you've started in the right direction.
There is nothing more disheartening than having that fire and watching it flicker and die.
Don't do that to yourself.
You deserve better.