7.12.2010

We interrupt this blog...

For a public service announcement.

We all know that there are many components to weight loss...
mental,
physical,
spiritual..
Just as there are in life.

When you have toxic people in your life, things are THAT MUCH HARDER.
I always recommend the flushing of toxins from both your body and your life.

Case in point:
Mr. Mel Gibson.
Mr. Gibson was a favorite of mine up until..oh about five hours ago..
Yes, he had that drunken dumb fest, but I thought it was all just drunk blather...
The whole "Jews cause all the wars" and calling women 'sugar tits'...
Most liberals blame everything on Israel, so it didn't surprise me to  hear this coming from someone in Hollyweird.

(Just so people know, I am a big fan of both Israel and it's people.)
moving on..
It did come as a surprise to ME that Mr. Gibson is a class A abuser.
So I thought I would take a few minutes out of my regularly scheduled blog to break down this recording...
This is Mr. Gibson having a conversation with his  punching bag  girlfriend.

For starters he says:
Stay on this phone or I'll drive over there!
He starts by gaining control of the phone call...
She is NOT TO HANG UP.
Does she understand?
Then he says he will come over if she hangs up.
He takes away her right to decide what to listen to through implied threat.
That threat..and that's what it was...because he has had to 'deal' with her before...which you will hear later...
Then he screams "Look at what you MADE ME DO."
Because he can't accept blame...this is about ensuring she understands that if she gets hurt, if he has to hurt her...it's her fault.
This is classic.
It's how abusers operate.
It's how they break women down mentally...
It's how you hear otherwise sane women say; "If only I'd been more understanding...more of what he needed...he wouldn't have HAD TO hit me."
They believe it because they have had it screamed at them over and over and over again.

moving on...
after this it's all you, you, you...there is no I....except to tell her how she has not lived up to HIS expectations. 
If you are waiting for some sign that he is concerned with her welfare, with supporting her, you won't see it. 
This is classic narcissism.

Unfortunately for Mr. Gibson, this woman is mentally healthy. 
She recognizes abuse for what it is, and doesn't make the mistake of assuming that whatever is wrong is her fault.
She states: "You don't love me.."
And she is absolutely right, he is in love with himself.
Many women don't have this kind of strength...many women lose it after being involved in abusive relationships either as a child, or in a long term marriage situation.
Upon the realization that she isn't buying the whole 'you hurt me' bs....
he gets uglier and tries guilt.
I would be riveted to see what Mr. Gibson's ex wife has to say...

Moving on...
Now, he states that his 'daughter is important'.
Of course she is, she is an extension of  him.
Until she begins to have  her own opinions...he'll idealize her.
 Then she will be just another person who "doesn't give him his due respect or support."

Now he says: "You should just shut up...Just f*cking smile and blow me..Cause I deserve it."
And there you have it.
He views her as property.
Whether she 'did' anything or not...whether she feels anything or not...
is irrelevant.
It's ALL.ABOUT.HIM.
He left his wife because they had 'no spiritual common ground."
I'm not surprised...
What he really means is: My wife wouldn't blend into me...so I ditched her.
Then he tells his girlfriend that  she 'won't even try'.
You see, now he is pitting the semi-ideal woman against the new gal...'well, my wife at least tried."
This is classic manipulation. 
He says somewhere in here that none of her relationships have worked out..
Therefore the current issue in their relationship is defacto, her fault.
Well...I can't say anything here that isn't profane.

Then he plays the poor me, pity me card with the whole heavy breathing and moaning,
"You don't care, you don't care.."
She doesn't buy into it, which just enrages him further..
It's my guess that this is when his former wife would say "But I love you, I do care..."
And then attempt to mollify him.
But this gal doesn't do that.
Good.
Now he tells her she needs to apologize for the way she looks at him, and he can instinctively feel her disrespect.
There is no actual event necessary or needed to precipitate an abusive event.
It usually occurs when the abuser is feeling shamed or vulnerable..
The reason is coming up here:
He states that he was told that his career was 'over'.
That she left because she is a user.
Well, whatever she is, he picked her.
But I think...
She left because he was becoming agitated.
She left because she has been on the recieving end of his verbal and physical abuse before, and knew what was coming.
We will wrap this up with what happens at the end:
It starts with the threat:
"You need a bat on the side of the head."
Then he starts talking about kindness and how she needs to be grateful for everything he has done for her, this goes back to the whole "just smile and blow me" comment..
He didn't like it when she called him mean..
(They never like it when you call them on their abusive behavior)
Again it's all about him and his hard times..
She states she will call the police....
Listen to him go all angry but wary... His 'what!' actually made me laugh.
OOOOOh, he wouldn't call the police, but she would because she is 'weak'.
(She scared the crap out of him with that one lololol.)
He doesn't want to call the police
For very good reasons...
He is an abuser, and he hit her.
Then he tells her that her freind isn't her friend..
That she doesn't have friends, and she is the reason he doesn't have any friends.
He is her only friend.
Classic abuser...
Seperate her from her friends...tell her that he pays for  her..that it's his house...that he is the only one she can trust.
He says He was trying to spare her feelings by seperating her from her freind.
No words for that one...
Now he is trying to turn the whole incident around on her by telling her that this is all her fault.
From there it just descends into name calling.
Then she states that she won't put up with it anymore and comes back at him..
Then he tells her she deserved to be hit.
That "oh, NOW You're angry".
Before she was probably too scared and uncertain to say anything.
IF someone had slugged me in the face, I don't think I'd be starting any arguments.
Then she tells him that she won't be threatened..
Then he threatens to kill her...because he couldn't cow her into either guilt or submitting or any of the other things he had no doubt extracted from his former wife.
Pay attention, it isn't always this blatant...
But the manipulation,
the blaming,
the guilt,
the projection...
It's always the same regardless.

So ends this public service message.
The people in your life can build you up or tear you down.
Flush the toxic people.
Hugs,
chris

15 comments:

The Exquisite Christine said...

Lol . . . almost wish I had the balls to email this post to my mother in law . . . hmmm . .

;)

So true! Healing can't begin until the infection is removed.

(hugs)

Paula Rodriguez said...

Chris, I was shocked that Mel Gibson was "that" kind of person. I like the way you broke down the behavior. If there is anyone out there who has found themselves in a similar situation, I hope they read your post and know they have options.

They just need to be take charge of their life and take the first steps of eliminating that person from their life i.e., calling the cops, following through with the report and restraining order. Take it from one who knows...

Patrick said...

Mel always has been a loose cannon. Not surprised really, so many celebs have a problem knowing when to keep their real selves to themselves. It is who he is, and now the world knows. Thankfully he is not the only movie star out there or I'd have to give up movies.

Amber said...

I am so disappointed!
I read his "stuff" earlier too.

What a butt-head. I really liked him too. oh well, guess they can't all be good-looking,great actors and genuine good guys too.

So who does that leave us with...
John Wayne and Sean Connery.

Good post therapist-Chris!
Amber

Linda Pressman said...

After reading your post, Chris, I was going to write that by outlining the tactics of the abuser so well, I realized how much my exhusband was, indeed, an abuser. Not physically, but in all the separation stuff, the guilt, the mental manipulation. But then I listened to the taped conversation (or as much as I could stand) and, while it didn't change my opinion of my exhusband, it made me realize that Mel Gibson is unhinged and that the physical abuse characteristic must add something else to the mix. Because all that screaming and swearing. It's pretty terrifying.

And, as your faithful, loyal Jewish reader, I know you're a big supporter of Israel! :)

Fiona said...

((hugs))

I hope your public service message helps someone who needs to get out.

Wonderfully posted.

logmyloss said...

So very sad.

karen@fitnessjourney said...

As a mother of girls, I hope you are sharing this message with them as well. (LOL! I know you are!) I remember when Chris Brown abused Rihanna and my 14 year old daughter made the comment that he was drunk, that was why he did it. I just about blew my top and gave her a lecture like no other.

I'm glad you wrote about this. It's another opportunity to teach my daughter the importance of having enough self-respect to forbid abusive people to have any place in your life.

Tammy said...

Holy crap Chris...what a fantastic outline and breakdown of abuse and abusers....I'm completely impressed. I've never been abused the way Mel is abusing her gf (I've had a verbally critical bf once, but that's about it). I would say anyone who has though needs to read this post!

P.S. Braveheart used to be one of my favorite movies....nothing's ever gonna' be the same again now that I've heard about this bullshit. It's too bad, but I'm glad he's been exposed for who he is.

Leslie said...

Good job calling it like and what it is. I hadn't heard the latest BS about Mel, but knew something was brewing from hearing his name tossed around the news a bit. He lost me back with the drunk stuff several years ago. Just another sick d*ck of a man. Actually he's a lower form of life than a man.

Rettakat said...

Another movie hero of mine bites the dust...

Loretta
=^..^=

Robin said...

The tape was, of course, disturbing. You outlined all of the classic abuser traits. Mel managed to push most, if not all of the buttons. I have to applaud Oksana for keeping her cool. In her place, it would have been tempting to just hang up and leave if I really thought he was coming over there. He sounded angry and ready to hit someone. Clearly, he has hit her before. That means he would have definitely done it again. Having the smarts to tape the conversation. It tells me that she has had lots of these calls and she finally remembered to turn on the recorder.

Alexia said...

chris, you may be consistent yes.

but you also lose weight at a really healthy weight. and i really really respect that.

Bathwater said...

Very good post. Very nice of you to break it down so that we can all understand it. The more people are exposed to such crimes the more aware people will become.

Spaghetti Cat said...

Good post, sometimes it is hard to identify all the little things.. sad that its there and happening to people everywhere, but good to be able to pin point it.