Back to that subject I was talking about yesterday...
You control you.
You control ONLY you.
I know some people are in some bad situations.
Some situations look like a lose/lose proposition.
I have a very good 'for instance' for you.
My mom was married to an interesting person.
By interesting I mean violent and crazy.
So...on the night she finally chooses to leave him...it wasn't a simple choice.
It was preceded by a very violent episode, the circumstances of which are varied and ugly.
There were phones ripped out of walls ( we lived in the country...the phone was our only means of communication..next neighbor=1 mile away. )
There was hitting and screaming.
Not the first time this occurred as the holes in the walls of our trailer could attest...in fact the first time I brought my husband home there was still a door in the trailer that hadn't been replaced that had two holes in it...
She said she was leaving.
You leave and I will kill you.
She got our coats...she put them on us..he wouldn't let us have the car, so we started to walk.
We got halfway across our yard when he fired a gun over our heads.
I was 10 at the time and my brothers were 13 and 5.
My mom kept walking.
We walked up our dirt road and out onto the highway...we were walking to his mother's house five miles away at 11:30 at night in the middle of winter.
All of the sudden a car comes up behind us and nearly hits us...
he gets out and throws the keys in the ditch and walks off.
There were choices that my mom made.
bad ones and finally one good one.
She could have let fear stop her from leaving, she let fear stop her for 10 long long years (12 by the time she finally got a divorce).
He threatened to kill her.
He shot at her.
She could have turned around and went back.
But she didn't.
I have no doubt she was scared out of her mind...she was 30 years old...she worked a minimum wage job and had three kids...a violent and abusive husband who cheated on her.
I am 36 and the very idea of being alone to raise my kids....I can't imagine how she was feeling...now add to that the years of mental and verbal abuse and feelings of low self worth,
I can't even imagine it.
But she decided at 11:30 at night in the middle of December that she had had enough.
That is when our lives turned a corner.
Sometimes you have made so many mistakes in life it comes down to change or die.
or change and die.
It could have gone either way.
But she knew staying wasn't living.
She couldn't start living until she chose to take back control of her life.
She had to decide.
While he did many bad things.
He threatened and he harmed...and it seemed like my mom didn't have any choices.
So, you do have a choice.
It may not be a pleasant one.
But it's there.
You know why my flip switched.
Because I chose to flip it.
I finally realized that if anything was going to change my circumstances, it was going to have to be me....
did a 3 mile walk today.
It was cold...and dark and I did it anyways.
Tomorrow you can wake up make a decision to change your life.
To live a life you can enjoy and be proud of.
So do it.