1.24.2010

If you could travel back in time...Would you choose the same life?

Hey all,
I watched Peggy sue got married tonight...again.
I love that movie.
I don't think that movie means anything to the under 25 crowd.
I think  you have to have some living under your belt for that movie to hit you square in the gut.
That movie makes you think.
If I had to do it all over again,  would I change my choices?
I used to think YES.
But  now I know better.
It turns out that it wasn't the things she did do that she would change...
It was the things she didn't do.
She didn't regret saying yes as much as she regretted saying no.
When she walks through the door to her childhood home and sees her mother (who has passed) I just bawl every time.
It's a good reminder that we need to cherish the time we do have with the people we love, because one day, we are going to want to hug our parents, grandparents, siblings or friends...and we won't be able to...they'll be gone, or living far away, or something may happen.
Like when she is sitting in her bedroom with her little sister, trying to play a board game with her...trying to build a memory because she has learned how important little moments are...
You just don't know.
That we should be kind, because it can make a difference. That we should enjoy ourselves and live life to the fullest, because it goes so quickly.

The best part of that movie, is how she keeps trying to change the choices she has made that have caused her pain, trying to save both herself and Charlie from years of unfulfilled dreams, but in the end realizes that the pain was worth having because it produced two people she couldn't live without...and also, even though it was painful...she still loved her husband. Even though he hurt her, she was willing to relive the hurt to have the relationship.
It really made me ask myself "Would I, If I truly could, if I had the opportunity..go back  and change my choices?  Knowing what I know now?

No.
Some of my life would suck to relive...that's for sure.
But If I had gotten better grades in high school, I never would have joined the army, met my husband and then had my two kids.
It really makes you stop regretting the decisions you have made.
Maybe I would have chosen to eat better.  I would have started living a fuller life sooner. But I am happy that I dropped the right eggs. Just sayin'.
Also, when you go through things as a married couple, and get through them....you love that person in a way you didn't before.You love the real them.  You have seen them at their ugliest, most vulnerable, and then when they are fighting the hardest to get better or back on their feet.  And you fall in love with the real them.
The first time I watched this, I was too young to appreciate it. I loathed Charlie.
This time I found myself trying to explain Charlie to my oldest daughter.
Kate, "Why would she love such an *ss hat?"
(I know, she is too young to cuss)
I said "Kate, you don't understand...while it isn't right what he did...he gave up everything he wanted to sell appliances, now the best years of his life have passed him by. All he can see is what he's lost...He is having a mid life crises."
At that age, you don't understand that  as you make choices...your road narrows, until there is no road left but the one you made.
She doesn't understand.
She is fifteen.
She didn't see him when he was idealistic, and young and ready to take on the world.
What is that song....
The verve pipe...
For the life of me, I cannot remember...what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise.
That is a good song.  Very wise.
For me there is a lot more beauty in the love of two people who have sacrificed and gone through hell, then there is in romeo and juliet.
But you can't see that until you live it.
So, think carefully.
If it was truly within your power to change the entire course of your life, would you?
If you could, would you?
Your pondering blogger,
Chris

14 comments:

Hanlie said...

This is something I think about a lot... Ultimately we have to love the person we are now, and the life we have now. And I do. But boy, it's been a rough 20 years.

Another great post! I should watch that movie again.

Carlos said...

deep thoughts for a Sunday... Love that movie... She did regret her no's not her yes's makes you think for sure...

Melissa said...

I never got that movie in high school, but I sooo get it now. I think I would definitely choose to get healthier sooner, but other than that...nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I would make some significant changes... in my stock portfolio.

Anonymous said...

I, too, loved the movie and I am really old enough to appreciate it's message. There IS something about going through stuff with your spouse. Through the years, we parted and came back together and still it isn't perfect, but he is a big part of me and our interaction has helped me shape the way I am today. Now I am just happy to have our time together and can appreciate that life is not as stressful as it once was.

seattlerunnergirl said...

I *do* have some regrets and things that I would change. Nothing earth-shattering, but if I could go through life knowing what I know now? I'd teach the 20 year-old me that she is worthy and beautiful and should settle for nothing less than the best in life. I made some crappy relationship decisions in my 20s that I would 100% take back if I could.

That being said, those decisions are a part of how I finally learned to be the woman I am today. But if the woman I am today could go back? Heck yeah, I'd change some things.

Thanks for a thought-provoking post, Chris.

Lisa said...

Great question. I would have to say no too because I would want to end up with my husband and kids...

outdoor.mom said...

its funny you should blog about that. I was just feeling really free today. Some people did some really hurtful things to me a couple of years ago and it was a challenge to walk out forgiveness toward them. Then something horrible happened to them and they are looking to us for encouragement and direction. I couldn't believe that, but it happened. Anyway, when i saw what happened to them, i finally had compassion for them. It wasn't just a purposeful "i forgive them" it was really feeling for them. I finally felt free and like i could help them. Anyway, the point of all that was to say that i'm not sorry for what they or anybody else did to me. I'm a better person for the persecution i've endured. I have more depth than I'd ever had without it. Those horrible times shaped who i've become and for that i'm grateful. I guess the best thing to do is learn from the past and make the future better for all.

great post. also fun reading about you. love the drowning story. Wow!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

That is a very interesting question. You never know how a single choice is going to affect the remainder of your life. At this point, I think that I have everything that is important to me-my husband, two healthy children, my extended family and a comfortable home. That is all that I really need.

Foodie Girl said...

This melts my heart and brings such a big smile to my face. Thanks for sharing it. I guess I need to see the movie!

josie said...

I loved that movie. It's a great question to ponder. There are only a few things in my life that I truly regret, but those are also the things that I learned the most from. I don't think I would go back and choose anything different.

Jenn said...

Wow, this is such an insightful post! I do wish I had taken time to be in the moment more...there are times when I think about how fast certain days went by (my wedding day, the birth of my kids), and I was so caught up in the details on those days, I wish I had taken more moments to just experience what was happening, you know?

Linda said...

Hi Chris, On the one hand, I know by suffering through every conceivable idiotic mistake I made I have become more empathetic, and I sure have a lot of writing material! But if I could save that younger Linda from being used and dumped, from being hurt, from all those years of being fat and unhappy about being fat, yeah, I'd undo that. But like Peggy Sue, I do believe you live the life you're meant to live.

Thanks for the cool topic, Chris.

Brenda said...

I can honestly say no. I'd like to say I wish this had been different or that, but at the same time the lessons learned during trying times have been what has built my character and who I am. Do I have regrets, sure. But the good far outweighs the bad.