Again...this is going to be a kind of recap of True Grit and how it pertains to my situation...
There will be huge spoilers ahead, and if you intend to watch it...
and don't want to know what happens.
Don't read any further than this........................
Now...I have been irritable lately.
I have been spending nearly two hours a day at the gym (when I go to the gym)
and an hour a day exercising when I don't.
I have to plan my days around these excursion.
I am constantly saying no to things my family wants to do...
At the beginning of this month I had a slight problem with my iron that required me to consume at least maintenance calories.
lackluster weight loss.
with a ton of exercise and not a lot to show for it
or so I thought.
It made me angry and frustrated.
So last night I said F this....I need a break from thinking about numbers and counting and exercise (although I did a three mile walk yesterday...just so you know)
I just wanted to go off and enjoy myself.
And so I flipped a coin
Heads for the king's speech...Tails True grit.
I went in expecting a shoot em up...and it was a little..
But it was much more than that.
It was more about the little girl than any other character.
In the beginning of the film she says basically
Everything in life has to be paid for.
I believe that.
I have spent nearly two years paying the price in self denial and exercise to achieve a healthy body.
It sucked me right in.
She was going after her father's killer..
and she did it all the way.
She didn't let anybody stop her.
SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS GOING FOR.
You may think this epiphany leads to
"I am going for my goal weight and if I have to shoot tom chaney to get there I will!"
I started this to get healthy and to
say it with me
I think I can shorten live deliberately to just Live
or live fully and make good choices. Yes.
But really LIVE
INHABIT my life.
ENJOY my life.
The box I broke free from almost 20 months ago I was reconstructing.
I was just doing it at the other end of the spectrum.
making my success contingent on the number 132.
Making my failure contingent on the number 262.
It isn't the number, it's how I am living.
If you break free from your fat prison and then construct a skinny prison..
One where every bite of food brings guilt.
Every missed workout is cause for self flagellation
One where a size 10 is failure but a size 6 is success.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!
You see Mary wanted her father's killer brought to justice.
The idea that the killer would end up in Texas for another murder and be hanged there...
Not good enough.
The idea that he may be shot while they chased him?
Not good enough.
She wanted to bring him back to her hometown and see him hanged.
WEll, as rooster said "You can't have every little thing just the way you want it".
Mary learned something over the course of that movie.
It doesn't matter how you kill him, just kill him.
At the end she takes a rifle and shoots his @ss.
She takes the justice she can get.
In the beginning of the movie, they liken this hunt to a coon hunt.
I didn't start on this coon hunt for a magic number.
I wanted to take back control of my life.
And I have.
I want to lose a bit more fat..
But from here on out I am not making my life contingent on a number.
I am making it contingent on my satisfaction.
I will know when I am satisfied.
That number will be normal on the bmi scale.
Then I will start eating as I intend to eat the rest of my life..
and the weight will stay or fall in accordance.
I've gotten my life back.
I have already won.
I won the moment I set out with the notion that nothing would stop me.
I will not reconstruct a skinny cage.
I will live fully and enjoy life.
That's what I was aiming for.
That is what I will do.
oh did a three mile walk run in 38 minutes.