I just finished watching the Truman show with my oldest daughter (who hadn't SEEN IT. Can you believe that?!) lol.
Isn't that the way we always are...as parents.
There are certain movies we think should be viewed and then we feel we must inflict them on our children...so I did.
While she liked the movie, she didn't have the same reaction to the end that I did.
Man, I was pulling for him.
I know what it's like to be lied to.
I know you all don't know me in 'reality'....
But my biggest pet peeve.
Actually it's bigger than that...
I hate liars.
I don't even like prevaricators.
Or people who play fast and loose with the facts.
I would rather look you in the face and tell you the truth and get punched than lie and get a hug.
In every situation I will try and scrape the sh*t off and get to the nub.
I understand there are different points of view...
But if you scrape away the emotion, the sensibilities...
Eventually you will reach a truth.
I live for those moments.
That is why I like the end of The Truman show.
I love that he kept going.
That he was willing to die to get free..
And that, at the end, he ran smack into the truth. (that wall)
Had a moment where he had his little mini meltdown (sit down and cry)..
and then started looking for a way out (and found it).
I am going to share something here.
You all know my mom was married to an abusive ass who she (finally) divorced when I was 12.
Well I thought that abusive ass was my biological father.
Right up till the day I went to visit him at his 'new home' and his 'new wife' informed me that I wasn't his.
So why did I keep coming over.
That was mind bending, let me tell you.
I was 13.
At what point...if she hadn't told me..at what point would I have found it out or figured it out?
I don't know.
Maybe when I was old enough to figure out that a blond haired blue eyed woman and a black haired green eyed man don't produce a brown haired, brown eyed girl?
And, much like Truman...I went home and sat down in my mom's trailer..in the hallway with my back to the dryer and stared into our full length mirror for quite a while.
Trying to figure out who I really was.
I felt a sense of relief.
Because I realized I had none of 'him' in me.
And that my friends, is a good feeling.
I found out who my biological father was later.
That's another blog post.
I wish I had known that sooner.
It would have explained why 'he who shall not be named' was never loving toward me..or my big brother (we both had different dads)...
It was a truth I could have used sooner.
That is why I am who I am.
I don't hide who I am.
I would rather people liked me or hated me based on what they see and what I show.
I want what I say and do to be an absolute reflection of who I am inside...
Than that they liked me for who I pretended to be.
Because really, what a waste of time.
Mine and theirs.
Better one true friend, than a thousand Judas's.
Better to stop pretending that your marriage is solid and start dealing with the problems..and make it solid.
than smooth over your problems, and live a lie.
Better to admit you are morbidly obese and get better..
Than pretend you aren't living in hell daily..
smiling on the outside and dying slowly on the inside.
Tell yourself and others the TRUTH.
It's only that first moment that is truly frightening...and then you are free.
It will set you free.