1.31.2011

Why I believe a hard truth is always better than a kind lie

Hello,
I just finished watching the Truman show with my oldest daughter (who hadn't SEEN IT. Can you believe that?!) lol.
Isn't that the way we always are...as parents.
There are certain movies we think should be viewed and then we feel we must inflict them on our children...so I did.
While she liked the movie, she didn't have the same reaction to the end that I did.
Man, I was pulling for him.
I know what it's like to be lied to.
I know you all don't know me in 'reality'....
But my biggest pet peeve.
Actually it's bigger than that...
I hate liars.
I don't even like prevaricators.
Or people who play fast and loose with the facts.
I would rather look you in the face and tell you the truth and get punched than lie and get a hug.
In every situation I will try and scrape the sh*t off and get to the nub.
I understand there are different points of view...
But if you scrape away the emotion, the sensibilities...
The crap.
Eventually you will reach a truth.
I live for those moments.
That is why I like the end of The Truman show.
I love that he kept going.
That he was willing to die to get free..
And that, at the end, he ran smack into the truth. (that wall)
Had a moment where he had his little mini meltdown (sit down and cry)..
and then started looking for a way out (and found it).
I am going to share something here.
You all know my mom was married to an abusive ass who she (finally) divorced when I was 12.
Well I thought that abusive ass was my biological father.
Right up till the day I went to visit him at his 'new home' and his 'new wife' informed me that I wasn't his.
So why did I keep coming over.
That was mind bending, let me tell you.
I was 13.
At what point...if she hadn't told me..at what point would I have found it out or figured it out?
I don't know.
Maybe when I was old enough to figure out that a blond haired blue eyed woman and a black haired green eyed man don't produce a brown haired, brown eyed girl?
maybe then.
And, much like Truman...I went home and sat down in my mom's trailer..in the hallway with my back to the dryer and stared into our full length mirror for quite a while.
Trying to figure out who I really was.
I cried.
And then...
I felt a sense of relief.
Because I realized I had none of 'him' in me.
And that my friends, is a good feeling.
I found out who my biological father was later.
That's another blog post.
I wish I had known that sooner.
It would have explained why 'he who shall not be named' was never loving toward me..or my big brother (we both had different dads)...
It was a truth I could have used sooner.

That is why I am who I am.
I don't hide who I am.
I would rather people liked me or hated me based on what they see and what I show.
I want what I say and do to be an absolute reflection of who I am inside...
Than that they liked me for who I pretended to be.
Because really, what a waste of time.
Mine and theirs.
Better one true friend, than a thousand Judas's.
Better to stop pretending that your marriage is solid and start dealing with the problems..and make it solid.
than smooth over your problems, and live a lie.
Better to admit you are morbidly obese and get better..
Than pretend you aren't living in hell daily..
smiling on the outside and dying slowly on the inside.
Tell yourself and others the TRUTH.
It's only that first moment that is truly frightening...and then you are free.
It will set you free.
hugs,
Chris

13 comments:

bbubblyb said...

Great post Chris!

Sheilagh said...

Brilliant post Christine!!!

Rettakat said...

I've always felt that the ultimate in disrespect is to lie to someone. So I can relate to what you said, and feel strongly about it, too.

I know it's hard to become "public" about weight... I vividly remember the first time I ever told my weight on a public forum. I was so scared I cried as I wrote the comment, and signed my name. But like you said, after that, I felt free, and was on my way.

Very powerful post. Thanks, Chris.

Hanlie said...

Yes! I totally agree. Why waste time trying to remember what you've told to whom? That's no way to live. And yes, if we refuse to face the truth we can't change our lives or our circumstances.

Natalia said...

Chris, great post! Truth can be hard in the beginning but it's so much easier in the end!

Putz said...

when i was eight i was told all my grandmas were long dead, but why could i remember when i was two a hotel room, a smell{alcohol} and a hug from a woman wearing a grey winter coat??????<>><<>><45 years she spent in a mental instiution in spanishfork utah and died at the age of 80 alone in 1974<><><>i was not to know that or that my other grandma was alive and died when i was on my mission when i was nineteen<><> all are dead now, even my sister, whose death has been left with many questions..no answers

Red Shoes said...

Based on what I've learned about you since I've been reading your blog, there are no surprises here. You are straight forward and that's the way it should be.

Given that, I have told some fibs in my Life to spare someone some humiliating hurt...

~shoes~

Amanda said...

That was a wonderful post...something I definitely needed to hear this week. Thanks for sharing.

Annie said...

Great post, as always!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

...whew, almost wrote my own blog post right in your comments here, but stopped myself.
Point is this: don't know and have no real way of finding out who my father really is. Has been a true source of hurt, naturally.
So, of course, I totally agree with you that the truth no matter how difficult is always the wiser choice.
I have sensed this with you since I started reading this here blog and have appreciated that to no end.

Beginning Anew said...

I needed your post today. I don't know if you saw mine but totally relates to what you are saying except from the opposite side - in a way. I have a couple of folks in my life that I cannot bring myself to honest with because that honesty equals rejection, first they feel rejected then reject me. I am going to come back to this post a few more times and see if I can glean from it. I don't know if I can change years of disfunction by being honest - it is a bitter pill to swallow and yesterday when I tried it, I ended right back in the hole I started in. Anyway, great post, thanks for your honesty and kick em in the b@**$ attitude - I need some more of that!

w0rld4vamps said...

I am exactly this kind of person. I would rather be told the brutal truth than a sugar coated lie. I would do the same.

Most people don't like that. Call me tactless. I say "deal!" LOL.

and you know what? I LOVE the Truman Show.

Thanks for all your truth!

-w.

Kimberley said...

You are so right...the truth will set us all free.