I love you just the way you are..

Saw that today somewhere when someone talked about wanting to change.
What's wrong with change.
I think it scares people, or implies something.
Saying you want to become a better person will often prompt all sorts of strange responses.
The most common being
I love you just the way you are.
Which might be true
but could also be interpreted
I love you just the way you are because if you change, what does that say about me?
And it's uncomfortable twin thought "If you change, will I have to change?"
When you raise the bar or set a new standard...some people will be aggravated..
or irritated
or intimidated.
Or secretly envious.
Which comes out in not so subtle ways.
Like hostility
or pointed remarks
or back handed 'compliments'
Which can make the process of change that much harder.
Change is hard to begin with.
Add friction and open stumbling blocks.
It becomes that much harder.
In my comments yesterday..
Mr. Putz asked whether I thought I would have lost my weight had I not dealt with my 'issues."
I don't think I would have.
I would have ended up yo yo-ing up and down the scale like I had done before.
All the work I did in fixing my relationships and how I dealt with people and confrontation moved huge emotional obstacles out of my way.
It was necessary work.
Sometimes I read things on weight loss blogs that really concern me.
Mostly unfinished emotional work.
I fear it will sabotage even the most hardy souls in their quest for weight loss.
And it has sidelined some people.
Don't get me wrong.
You can think you've worked through most of it only to have an issue rear it's ugly head partway through your journey.
I have had it happen three times in the last year and a half.
I call them ninja issues.
The last one derailed me for five months because it was soooo subtle.
It stole my momentum..and while I didn't backslide, I did stagnate.
The other two weren't subtle at all..more like a hammer.
And so only stole 1 or two weekends.
So, if there is something you want to change...change it.
even though everyone loves you just the way you are.
You might know something they don't.
You might know WHO YOU CAN BE.
And that is something no one else knows but you.
I walked yesterday and was back to the gym today!
I am in at 1400 calories ...
Have a good one guys.


Amber said...

Awe, but I do like you just the way you are.
Now are you going to make me change? lol

Your were a good friend before weight loss and your still a good friend. But there have some improvments too!

Good job!
And great post!

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Hmmm, I shouldn't have read this this late. It's going to have my mind churning all night long I can already tell. I am very aware of how easy it is to get sidelined. I am my own worst enemy. I think I'm getting better at recognizing it though so hopefully that will keep me on the straight and narrow. Yay for you getting to the gym and staying on program. You look freaking amazing in your most recent pic girl!

outdoor.mom said...

so true so true. Love your new profile pic!!

Retta said...

Ha... ninja issues! So THAT'S what it's called, this "thing" I am currently dealing with.

It's hard to not run from the ninja... but it's lost it's invisible power, and I can now see it. And am working on it. Dang... it's hard. Especially when all I want to do is EAT it away. But... no, that won't help. So... workin' on beating the tar out of this ninja!

I appreciated this post... it's like you were inside my head!

bbubblyb said...

I know I have unfinished isses but then I really think change is continuous too and there will always be things we want to work on. I too had big issues with confrontation (still do at times) but I definitely see how much better I handle things. This was a really good post Chris, made me think about the work I still have to do. It also makes me realize that things will come up at times that I thought I had finished with that aren't quite done. I am definitely a work in progress all the way around.

Putz said...

who i want to be<>><<>not there yet

Joy said...

Great post Chris!! Lots to think about.

You are doing awesome!!!

Robin said...

Change is very scary. As you said, not only are you dealing with your own issues and resistance, but sometimes you are dealing other people's issues and resistance. It can feel overwhelming. Not a reason to quit. But be aware of what is going on. One of the biggest changes is taking back our personal power. I think that is a big part of most battles. That is a situation where you sometimes want it/sometimes don't. Until you decide that you totally want it, there will be issues. It is a hot potato that I think I am STILL tossing around. Until I claim the DAMN thing, I will always have a migraine boiling just below the surface. Got to get that sh*t resolved. Great post.