life lessons from a stump

Hey all,
oy with the gym today.
I decided to go onto carson instead of peterson so I could do all my 'errands' in one fell swoop.
will not be doing so again.
I cash the check, then decide to go to the gym....I get there, and I already know it isn't as nice as the other one..(I've been there before) but this was ridiculous.
I ended up changing in a bathroom that had no heat cause they had closed the womens locker room.
The worst part was they only had bikes and treadmills and stairsteppers and two weight areas.
Two weight areas were peopled with dudes and their babes.
The guys were lifting and their women were looking on adoringly.
Not one woman was doing weights.
I sit down at a machine....and
The guys all stared as if I had grown a third eye.
Not one of the machines was adjustable so I am having to stand on my toes to do back extensions or my neck would have hit the back pad.
I burned approximately 400 calories and was forced at one point to watch 'jersey shore' as I walked on a treadmill...I could only make it 10 minutes.
It was mind numbing.
I have never seen the monstrosity that is this show up till now.
So I watch seven minutes of overly tanned and moobish men bumping and grinding on poorly coifed gals in tight, garish dresses in less than stellar surroundings and then this barf fest was followed by an ad for 'teen mom's"!
I say, "What is this? White trash TV...
(My new years resolution going down in flames as my ick meter pegs)
a Then the show comes back on and it is JERSEY SHORE!

I seem to have found a fairly accurate rendering of the goings on of this show via southpark...there are two instances of cussing...but it did make me laugh...
So you are forewarned...don't watch it if you don't like or want to hear profanity.

light dawns.
Why do people watch that, or any television at all?
I depart....
I grocery shop.
got lots of good for me food.
Calories in at 1390...did good.
Back to my normal gym tomorrow.
anyways..onto my life lessons from a stump.
I love my church..
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and am a little late getting into the parking lot...and am jogging into the church..
I find out it isn't my pastor giving the sermon this morning...
I am Not so big on when the pastor takes 'a break'.
(I know they need one, just wish they would give me a heads up...so I can feign illness)
They always get the young, long winded, earnest types in there.
So they get this preacher in who wants to talk about Jesus and the teaching "my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Simple enough message? right?
(Then he starts with the whole I have been to theological seminary and let me prove it by finding every obscure verse that could possibly relate to what we are talking about here...see, I have read every commentary known to man)
now after about 20 minutes of the dude reciting this stuff, I am listing aft....(I didn't sleep well last night as my furnace kept cycling and I was afraid it was going to quit) so anyways...he says that there was a prophecy that the messiah would be descended from a stump. And I think...
The Stump, that's my nickname for this guy...and OH BOY.
There I go.
There is only a few times I have got the giggle fits in church...and I was headed toward one...as soon as he said STUMP, I snorted and then could feel the laugh just sitting there...bobbing my head up and down while I am digging my nails into my forehead because there aren't enough people in church for me to NOT be noticeable laughing my head off.
He says "I mean shoot"....I think 'YES, someone shoot him.." which sets me off again..
But then stump says something.
He says..."sometimes when life gets hard we can fall back into old patterns of sin because it is so comfortable."
We say "I deserve this (whatever it is), because I have been through this or that".
Maybe it's letting our anger get the better of us (did this yesterday)
Or maybe it's getting good and drunk, or maybe...
(light DAWNS HERE....It's eating a piece of pie because you had a rough day...or allowing yourself to shovel in the chocolate!)

And Stump saved me from embarrassment because he had authored my blog post for the evening.
Even when life gets stressful, or especially when life gets stressful..we can't fall back into our old patterns of over-eating and not exercising. Because not only does it NOT help, it harms.
We deserve to be healthy....not fat and tired.
So try to think of your new habits...( the ones that aren't so comfortable yet) as nurturing yourself instead of some sort of punishment.
YOu deserve to reach your goals, you deserve to be everything you want to be...and that twinky, or donut or pan dulce????think that's how it's spelled....or chocolate, french bread, krispy creme is not going to get you want you want. It isn't a reward...it's a punishment.
Because it is keeping you who you don't want to be.
Peace is having everything in order.
That is permanent peace, not the temporary peace you get from food.
So do what is best for you...
Have a great night.


Anonymous said...

Permanent peace sounds like the best place to be. And Jersey Shore...nails - chalkboard. Could be used to torture someone.

KC Weldon said...

Did the Stump look like a stump? That would have been great! Sounds like once you got past the listen-to-me-ramble part of the sermon, it had a great message.

Amber said...

Glad you were able to take something away from church this morning.
Even if you did have to fight the giggles for a bit. :)

You're right, eating junk is not rewarding, it's hurting us!

Good post

Robin said...

Can't say that I have ever watched Jersey Shore. You have given me zero incentive to start...lol. I am glad you were able to squelch the laughter long enough to pull something out of that sermon. Sometimes you just have to wait for it...

Linda Pressman said...

This is such a funny post, Chris! I love that you're sitting there, slipping on your (non-judgemental) New Year's resolution, practically laughing outloud, when you hear something, despite your pre-judging, that speaks to you.

I was at an OA meeting the other night attended by a woman who constantly moans and wails about her life, spilled her coffee, cross-talked everyone in the room. But when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and listened, I heard two important things for me - not from her but from others in the room, that I've ended up thinking about a lot. So it makes me realize that despite the best efforts of me to sabotage my life sometimes I just end up where I'm supposed to be.

Happy New Years!

Retta said...

Must say, I have the same reaction to "soporific theological expositions" from the pulpit! So much so, that I had my own giggle fit when I read of yours!

But good take away, in spite of it.

Lanie said...

I'm so glad not to sit behind you in church bcuz giggle fits are supercontagious.

Glad you pulled a message out at the end, I'd hate to have you end up hellbound for simple silliness. :)

Sunshine's Heart said...

Permanent peace sounds good to me at the moment. It is so elusive though. I've been searching for it for years.

outdoor.mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
outdoor.mom said...

oops!! there i go commenting on too many blogs again!! just wanted to say happy new year and that i LOVE your new pic!! You look fabulous!!

jo said...

OMG, I am LOL!!! The stump...oh, Chris, you have made my day with that. I do that kind of thing, too, and it's usually when I'm being snarky that I learn something. I would have been giggling, too. What a great lesson, though!

As for Jersey Shore. I have never seen it, but (now don't judge me) my son and I watched the South Park episode about Jersey Shore. We laughed and he couldn't believe Snooky was real. HE went off to google and was just astounded. I've never seen it, but would like to catch 5 minutes just to say I shut the darnedthing off.

Now, bet you didn't know, one of those kids from Jersey Shore put out an exercise DVD. It's called "The Situation" because apparently he says that repeatedly. The funny thing is? Despite his chatter, the preview of the workout looks pretty good. If you like him running around wtih a hot chick doing all the work. lol

Oy. Always up for a good lesson when I visit here and a good laugh as well.

p.s. My sweet, innocent son had never seen South Park because I didn't allow it. Then one day he spent the weekend with his cousin, the same age, whose parents are public school teachers and they all watched several South Park epiodes together. Oy. And I actually love South Park, aside from the language, because it's good adult humor that usually has a good moral, believe it or not.

I have insomnia tonight and can't seem to shut up.

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

LOVE the image of you having a giggle fit in church! My sister and I used to have those...

And I'm glad, too, that Stump came to a point that was valuable and a good reminder for you. Makes the rest of it easier to take!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Holy Cow! I just noticed something. You said something once about your goal being to look something like Julian Michaels by the time you reach goal... guess what? You are really starting to resemble her! I noticed how fit and toned you look in your last picture. You are definitely going for the more permanent fix and skipping the instant gratification is soooo working for you.