5.10.2010

I am invisible....

um, not really.
I was today though.
I went and enrolled my youngest in a one day per week homeschool enrichment course.
I talked about this before....I stated I was the fattest mom there.
I was.
So, I took Sophie to enroll her.
We walk in and Mrs. Padilla was all "Hey sophie, are you coming back this year."
"Sophie says "YEah!...can we have a tour."
(Now I am sitting about four feet away filling out the paperwork...)
For some reason I didn't want to call attention to myself.
I just sat there.
Watching.
She looks around, she glances at me, glances over me...
and then turns to Sophie and says "Tell your mom when I am done, I will give you a tour."

She didn't even recognize me.
That was crazy.
I "know" I look different.
But it makes me wonder if the store clerks even know who I am.
Heck, the Jehovah's witness guy who sees me once a month didn't recognize me.
I have a new driver's license, and if I can figure out how to scan it to my computer...I will upload it to show you guys.
I like my picture.
I showed it to my husband and my kids.
I look nice, not fat...just normal.

This afternoon, on my LAW, I had an imaginary conversation with my brother in law.
He stated to my husband on the phone, that he wishes he had my willpower.
He is definately 100 pounds or more overweight.
It affects him.  It bothers him.
I will never forget him breaking a chair and the look on his face.
It could have just as easily been me..
So the "no willpower' comment...
That bothered me.
Alot.

The truth is, I don't rely on willpower.
It works for a day or two.
But I realized early on that I needed a strategy.
A game plan.

I had this whole conversation with him.
I was telling him that to start with, I didn't rely on willpower.
I gave myself enough calories starting that I felt decently full every night.
That it had to be something you could live with...
That he had to accept that it may take years.
(When I started I had 3 years as my time frame)
When you look at it as a long term deal, it takes the impatience away.
I told him That he has to erase the bad tape and replace it.
I had him walking and eating 2000 calories in my head before the end of my walk.

But you know, I have no idea if he will even ask me how....or why.
I just know that if he does...I want to be ready.
So I am going to start writing things down so I can clarify what I believe.
There are some things I can give him...
the Reverse it poem Jack wrote.
Sean's blog addy.
I may even buy him a digital scale.
But the want to...it has to come from him.
I can't give that to him.
I don't know if my way would work for him.
I do know some things are universal...
You can't be hungry all the time.
You can't feel deprived all the time.
And you can't use food to numb your feelings anymore.
You should exercise, it makes you feel better.
And you have to look and live long term.
Maybe I can yidder most of this at him before he tunes me out. lol.
Well, that's about all.
1450 cals. and a 5.6 mile walk.
NOt bad today.
Chris out.

23 comments:

Amber said...

Hope he asks, and if he does I bet he'll listen to what you say. Doing something about it will be his choice, but he will have the advantage of a family member he can rely on for advice and support.
That's more than many have.

*amber*

Karla said...

so true, I took away the hunger and took away the deadline... and it is sticking, 30 so far!! I LOVE your blog. I am a regular rerader!!

Debbie said...

Feeling invisible must be wonderful!! It's so exciting when people finally recognize what you've accomplished.

Yeah, the willpower comment bothers me, too. If we're doing this thru sheer willpower what kind of lasting results will we have? That's the one thing I've learned on this journey....we have to make a complete and total lifestyle change.

I hope your bro-in-law does ask you & will listen to what you have to say!!

Not a bad day at all!

Seth said...

I love stories like this. Invisible girl!

I hope your brother in law does move forward with it and that he comes to you for more. I think you could definitely help him.

Birdie Woods said...

Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I've awarded you "The Sunshine Award" =) Go to my blog to check it out! http://anaughtylibrarian.blogspot.com

Laurie said...

That's a great story about being "invisible."

I received an email from a friend today asking about "dieting" advice. She went to the doctor and got weighed today and didn't like the result. Trying to figure out what to say. I could go on and on!

The_Exquisite_Christine said...

I still like turkey sausage and pepper strips!!! But then, I haven't eaten it 500 times.

I have people I want to help to. And it's kind of heavy but I cried when my brother finally asked me.
((hugs))

Robin said...

You can't make someone wnat it bad enough to change. All you can do is show them the tools and then let them make a decision. I guess it is like that saying about leading a horse to water. You can lead them there but you can't make them drink. It is frustrating because it is obvious to you, but sometimes things just don't make sense to people. Their brains are all cobwebby and they can't see through it. Or they just don't want to change. They don't want to give up "something" that will make the difference. Either way, you can't do it for anyone else. If you decide to go ahead with the personal trainer thing, some people will disappoint you. They won't be willing to make the changes that are necessary, while others will *get it* and embrace it and say things like, "I can't believe how simple this is. It isn't easy, but it's simple. Thanks you for showing me the way."

Rettakat said...

Robin is so right about some people getting it, while others aren't ready... and that is hard when you care about them.

But I would think that if you were a personal trainer, and the people came to YOU, and were paying you, at least the percentage of success seems like it should be higher than average?? But then, I tend to be an optimist. :-)
Loretta
=^..^=

Annalisa201 said...

Tell him to get a blog! :) We'll help him! I know exactly what you mean though. It's not will power, it's a plan, and a long-term dedication. "Never give up" is my mantra... And I never will. Ever. As I just commented on another blog - "It's improvement we're after, not perfection".

GREAT POST CHRIS!!!

Kim said...

I think it's great that you have all this in mind for your brother-in-law and you're just waiting for the moment. I know I say this a lot...but you are such a mother hen. lol That's a great thing Chris. :) And it doesn't weird you out people not recognizing you? I think it would me...and I know that's exactly how it'll be too. Eventually it'll be one of those things I'll have to "deal" with.

Deb Willbefree said...

I've often said that I have spent most of my life--from junior high on--trying to be invisible.

That, of course, was because by junior high I was painfully aware of how conspicuous I was in all my fatness. I still try to be invisible.

How wonderful it will be when I really am NOT seen--because I am NORMAL. hahaha. That will be an awesom NSV.

So happy for you. normal. cool.

Deb

MrsFatass said...

Wow. Another great one. And I've been wanting to come over and tell you for days that your comment that said it was time to move the ball forward on the spirit front? Pissed me off. And then it snapped me out of it. I went to yoga yesterday, and today I am getting back on the elliptical. Hut one two.
Thanks, my dear.

logmyloss said...

I haven't had someone not recognize me yet, but I have seen a few jaws drop. It feels good.

Ha! The CAPTCHA word for this comment is "listen". How appropriate! :-)

Helen said...

Jack's reverse poem is on my refrigerator. I share it with people all the time, it's just that good.

I have a brother who is in the same place as your brother-in-law. I'm scared for him too.

All we can do is plant the seeds Chris. Hopefully we get to see them bloom.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Helen's right. Plant the seed... and be ready to nurture and feed it if it ever begins to grow. It doesn't all the time... and that's the damn shame of it.

Very thoughtful post, Chris.

TJ said...

Congrats on not getting noticed- lol I think it's great how much you have changed, you look beautiful! :)

I think it's about willpower SOME of the time. But somewhere along this journey it just turned into making better choices. It's not easy, and I know if I can do it- ANYONE can! :) I hope your BIL comes to you for more help & questions, would be nice to help someone along their journey for you. :)

Putz said...

chris, i worship you, yes frovel at your feet>>>where do you learn all this stuff.//????...self help books, prophets who have come to earth to teach us?????the grape{great} minds of tday?????YOU MUST HAVE STUDIED UP BEFORE YOU PEWW OUT THESE GREATE thoughts>>i still think i am falling in love with you

cmoursler said...

@ Mr. Putz..
I learned it all from you ma dear....lol.

Lianna said...

Chris, I just love your blog. I really do. I always come away with something that just sticks with me and it gets me through the day, every day.
Thank you.

Rad Runner said...

Your right its totally more then "will power" its turning the right way every time (most the time at least) and making the good choices part of the norm :) great post!

M Pax said...

I agree. you have to have more than willpower in the arsenal. You look fantastic. :)

Paula Rodriguez said...

Chris, every time I come here, you teach me something. Love coming here, I really do. I'm not lying when I say I think of you often. Chris, this and Chris that.. it pushes me to finish that extra mile. I often thought you had willpower something I strongly lack. It's a relief to hear you say it's not needed to lose weight.

You took a thought that has been at the back of my mind "I have to eat a certain amount of calories that I can live with--this is long term" and I'm slowly reducing my calories. I'm not counting points anymore. I'm counting calories. It's about the math.. The bodybugg is helping learn this. Anyways, just wanted to echo what everyone else here is saying "oh wise one..." you have a great blog.

BTW--my word verification is "intente" which is spanish for tried... how funny.