hope everyone had a good day. I did.
Me and my co leader took our troop up to the Denver Zoo for a day of fun.
They earned it and with the cookie money they earned by selling cookies, they paid for EVERYONE.
Their families and siblings...you name it.
It was a nice day.
I have been so busy this last year.
I think I mentioned in a previous post that my bill paying and house cleaning had slipped.
Well, My husband has been complaining lately.
Not that I blame him..but I am lucky if I spend an hour or two on the house a day.
I keep it manageable but not anywhere like I would like it.
So, Tonight he gets up and is doing dishes.
I hadn't had a chance to last night or today.
Last night I was getting ready for our trip to the zoo and today I was at the zoo.
When he 'helps'...well, he helps with a critical spirit.
I am a lot of things....impatient, tunnel visioned...
But I Have a "Thing".
I don't tell people HOW to live...
and if I choose to help,
I do it with pure intent or I don't do it.
I don't help to make people feel small.
I don't give unless I can forget it the next day.
God discerns the intent.
God says "never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing'.
Meaning, don't do it for self glorification.
I don't tell people HOW to spend their time.
Not even my kids unless it's absolutely necessary.
I don't believe in pushing my vision of what I find important off on others.
My oldest daughter asked me once, Why she and her sister are so different.
I like to think it's because I did a good job at being a mother.
I encouraged them to be WHO THEY ARE.
Not Who I WISHED THEY WERE.
Now, there are basic things...compassion.
That's not optional.
I hate more than anything, someone telling me how I ought to prioritize my time, telling me how to spend my time and who I OUGHT to be.
As long as I am getting it done...I'm good.
For the last year, I have been getting it done.
Minimally, but done.
My husband has chosen to not do many things that I have chosen to ignore.
Things like take care of the yard except for mowing the lawn.
In point of fact, he does next to nothing around the house...
A fact a good friend can attest to.
It didn't bother me.
He works full time and has no objections on how I spend money..
So I had no objections on how he spends his time.
Well....he has become quite critical as of late with me about housework.
When it is no worse than it ever was.
I think it has something to do with my getting better looking and some insecurity.
He says things now like;
"where were you"
"Why are you putting on makeup."
Well I quickly confronted him about his critical attitude regarding how I spend my time as of late.
He said "I never used to have to worry about you because you were...."
I am like...
He's all "Yeah...
"But still, I do want to get the house in order."
Which I understand...but that it was my house too.
And he could touch anything that wasn't mine.
He looked stunned.
Then he said.."What's yours?"
I said, 'My clothes, my makeup, my art"...etc.
I said 'You run over people to get your way when you get angry.'
"But I am drawing the line at my stuff."
Since I knew it was me he was aiming at...we got down to it pretty quick.
Then we finally had a conversation about what we want and don't want in our marriage.
What I am good at and what I am not good at.
YOu would think we would have had this discussion before..
but we spent the first fifteen years with him gone about 8 or 9 of it deployed...and that is not an exaggeration.
The rest, he was home but working 12 hour days.
Then he got out and had some ptsd and we had to deal with other stuff.
Then he went through some period of withdrawal...then he gave his kidney and had a little setback, and now we are finally starting to settle into a semblance of a 'normal' marriage. lol.
So, now the normal stuff is here for us to deal with.
I have accepted Tim right along.
I accept who he is..trying to change someone is a recipe for heart ache.
He has either idealized me or tried to change the things he couldn't idealize.
Well, I used to accept that, now I confront it.
I will NEVER be good at housekeeping..to be good at it you have to take some joy in a shiny toilet.
God bless the folks for whom that is true...but it ISN'T ME.
I like a decent house...a house I can be proud of.
But "getting the corners" has never been my strong suit.
I am most proud of the fact that my children can voice their opinions, be confident in their identities and express themselves.. I am proud to KNOW my children.
I am proud of the fact that I have a no nag policy with my husband.
I am not his mother.
I have never nagged him to quit gaming.
I have never nagged him to quit chewing or smoking.
I have never nagged him to quit drinking.
I tell him what i will and won't do.
He makes his decisions from there.
The only person I can control is me.
I am proud to be creative, and flexible, open
minded and adventurous.
My kids have clean clothes.
They have food on the table and in the fridge.
They have a living room that is decent.
Their rooms need work. ;o)
But man, they know who they are.
I spent years wishing I had other people's gifts.
Some people are super organized.
My friend amber.
Really good at getting all the ducks in a row.
Well, this year I learned something.
I can't get the ducks to line up..
But I can talk to them and get them to dance.
I am good at learning about and talking to people..
Kids, adults, it doesn't matter.
But telling them how to be...Not for me.
I would rather talk to somebody and watch them figure out what they want for themselves.
For me, there is nothing better.
I would be cruise activities directer...or counselor.
But, learning good habits isn't such a bad thing.
I think Tim is right.
I need to simplify.
I am never going to be one of those people who has china and real silver..or antiques...
I am not that into my house.
I would love to decorate other peoples though. lol.
For me, a home should be comfortable, and something to come back to...
After you go and have adventures.
What I really want is a hobbit hole.
A place to sit and read.
A place to store my art supplies and to draw.
A place to eat, and a place to sleep.
A place to sit and have card games.
I don't want a show place.
Walls are there for a reason...to show REAL art.
Art that has meaning...If I could, I would cover every square inch of my walls in art.
A house with nick nacks and froo froos.
It doesn't suit me. and it doesn't suit tim...
It's nice getting to know yourself.
I can work on it. The organization thing.
Part of me rebelled when I left my mom's house.
NOTHING was ever out of place in my mom's house.
I have a picture, taken in my mom's house.
In it you can see a footstool in the background.
It's made of Naugahyde..It SHINES in the background...she washed it till it shone.
She never spent time talking with us.
I remember sitting out in the living room watching the wizard of Oz with my brothers and she would be in the kitchen wiping away non existent stains from the cabinets.
The most frequent sentence my mother said to me was:
"I just don't understand you."
I didn't want that kind of relationship with my kids.
I would like them to be a bit more organized.
It's something I can help them work on while I work on it too.
Well, have a great night guys.
It's back to the gym tomorrow.