Back at this blogging thing for the diet and the art.
I want to talk about taking yourself seriously.
I did in some things, but not all things.
Like, my job as a mom...I take very, very seriously.
There is, in my mind, no more important job.
You are molding people who have to go into the world and function.
I am hoping to raise them to function in a well balanced and happy manner.
I want them to have INNER drive.
I want them to be go getters, to dream dreams and make them happen.
Not just talk about them.
I want them to know that the universe is ordered.
That there is a God.
That they have an ultimate purpose.
This I take seriously.
For a long time I didn't take my health seriously.
I made jokes...I saw it (the fat) as a joke.
At least that is how I portrayed it to the outside world.
I would say things like
Know why I don't wear corduroy? I might start a fire.
Well, that' s enough of that.
I won't rehash them all.
In both cases...in my art and in my health I downplayed me.
I didn't want people to think I thought I was special.
When people would compliment me I would say;
'Anybody can draw'.
But as my oldest said the other day...
Not everyone can draw well.
And certainly, no one draws exactly like me.
I crapped all over my talent to fit in.
I tried to squash every last vestige of my style to be good in the 'correct' way.
What in the world am I talking about.
I worked for years to remove my accent as it were.
Much in the same way newscasters strive to get rid of regional accents and dialects.
I gave no weight to my own style, or point of view.
I wanted to be 'great' in an objective way.
I have never taken my art seriously, ever.'
In fact, when I posted my art yesterday....maybe the first three people saw some comments under the picture downplaying it and saying it was too colorful etc.
I couldn't just offer it up and let it lie there.
It's almost like a knee jerk reaction....
It's the same way I acted when I was fat.
I made fat jokes before anyone else could.
I have maybe 10 or 15 pieces of art that I have deemed 'good enough' to keep over the years.
The rest I threw away.
That angel would have hit the trash bin.
The only kind of art I have ever thought was art were realistic still lifes.
My 'accent' is stylized.
If I have any sort of artistic talent, it would be as an illustrator.
But I never thought that was good enough.
I wanted to be good in the way picasso in his realistic phase was good.
that picture above was picasso in his realistic phase.
For the life of me, I couldn't understand why on earth he went from that to
Here is one realistic drawing that I kept...
I liked this one so much, because it was so 'realistic'.
After I drew this I didn't draw for nearly 13 years (not in any real way) and for the longest time I had no idea why.
I think I finally know why.
I got no joy in drawing it.
I had managed to squash my accent. my style.
In the process I removed all the joy from drawing.
I had lost all motivation to draw.
For me it was like taking a dump and wiping my rear.
It was a chore.
But I finally had gotten it 'right'.
Getting it right brought me no joy.
So, why bother?
I later came across this quote, it seemed to me that it partially explained his abandonment of realism and his embrace of different concepts.
Are we to paint what's on the face, what's inside the face, or what's behind it?
Did I merely want to portray the subject or the emotion in the moment.
Do I like, say, Andrew Wyeth because he was realistic, or do I like him for what the painting was saying underneath...or was it both?
Am I getting healthy for the image, for the way I look on the outside?
Or am I getting healthy to honor me and the life I have been given?
To live fully to my potential.
I have stopped trying to be something I am not- art wise.
I am correcting my false assumption that the weight is about how I look.
It's all about who I am.
Regardless of anyone or anything else.
If I were indeed, the. last. person. on. earth.
And no one were standing around judging....who would you be?
Then be that.
For you. For God.
Have a great night guys,