Heroes, and speaking the truth in love...

Hey all,
I wanted to thank Paula for the award she created to thank people who have inspired her.
I was lucky enough to be one of them.
As you all can see I posted something that while, not offensive to many was offensive to one.
I took it down.
Because that one person was truly offended.
If I felt it was just a person who was trolling I wouldn't have the same response.

I will deliver the message in a different way.
And this time, someone may be offended...but it won't be for any other reason than for the message.

Morbid obesity will kill you.
When I was 262 lbs I would get terrible heart palpitations.
Once while I was driving it happened so long and so hard that I started to black out.
I couldn't lay flat on my back and swallow.
Or even breath very well.
I cleared my blog roll two weeks ago and when I did I got rid of about 25 blogs.
People who hadn't updated in a while.
Here is the thing...
What I write here, other people read (which I know is obvious)
I haven't really written about the importance of losing the weight and how much better I feel for a while.
I do wonder if people who stumble over my blog (unless they look in the side bar)...would even know that I have lost weight, or even how much.
I am connected to a lot of other weight loss bloggers.
When Paula gave me that award it made me realize something.
You don't always know who you are reaching with your words.
Or what your words mean to anyone who may come across your blog.
I am big on encouraging people.
If I see they are succeeding, I root for them.
If they disappear and have a regain, I see it and say nothing.
Even if it happens over and over again.
Now with some people, when they start to slip I feel I can say something.
Mostly because I have faith in their journey.
I think they have the mindset to make it so I say something.
Loretta made an excellent point the other day.
She stated that her journey and people who have less to lose, their journeys are much different.
I agree.
But I rarely have any thing to say to Loretta, or Sean or allan...because I know they are going to make their goals.
Allan has said that, as a man who was over 500 lbs, his journey is life or death.
So telling someone who is over 500 lbs to just switch from brown rice to white rice is wrong and won't help.
Allan speaks the truth nearly all the time, or what he thinks he should say. Which I admire.
After last night,
my husband said that at some point he thinks that people might be 'too far gone.'
I don't believe that.
At one point I thought I was 'too far gone."
It wasn't the truth.
I just felt hopeless.
If you see someone lose and regain the same weight...what do you say to that person.
If it's 20 lbs that is one thing.
But bigger numbers, that is another.
It puts alot of stress on the body, and I think each failed attempt leads to more hopelessness.
How do you approach it when you see it, especially when it is clear they aren't addressing the root causes.
My root causes weren't food, they were fear.
For some people it's depression,.
Allan has said that every day he stayed overweight was another day he might have a heart attack.
So, do you say something.
Or Do you just stay silent and then encourage when they get back on track.
Do you point out the flawed thinking.
Or do you speak the truth in love?
So if you are a new weight loss blogger,
ust know it is a life and death proposition.
It is worth it to lose the weight, you can do this.
It's a one day at a time thing.
You have to be consistant to lose the weight.
consistantly consistent.
Day in and day out.
You are too important a person to many people to ignore your health
Start now.
Big hugs,
Thank you Paula for reading and for the award.
Have a great night guys.


Unknown said...

You basically took my thoughts & words and posted exactly how I feel about weight loss blogs. I had to do a spring cleaning of sorts and get rid of blogs that had not updated in 3-4 or more months. Each one I let out an "awww, but I liked her/him" This journey has brought me closer to a lot of people. People who have shared the same battle wounds as me. I love the support weight loss bloggers give each other!

Like you, I see who is in this to win it. I know who is fighting. I cheer I support, but I can not beg someone.

My cousin told me the other day that it is too late for her to lose weight. She is 10 years younger than me and feels like she can not do it. I wanted to reach through the Skype video and slap her-Can't do that to these bloggers, but she is family! lol

They gotta do it for themselves and like you I think they need to start NOW.

GREAT post Chris! :) Hope you are having a great weekend! :)

Alexia said...

morbid obesity will kill you. whether you're 236 pounds (my highest known weight) or 536 pounds. when i was my heaviest, it messed up my hormones and that caused overactive bleeding in my uterus which led to me bleeding and bleeding, heart palpitations, and it could have killed me. when i was hospitalized and given blood transfusions, my doctor said all i had to do was lose a certain percentage of my weight and my hormones would go back to work. so i lost some weight and my hormones have been fine ever since.

we have to be honest with each other. it's like watching someone walk into the path of a moving vehicle and not saying anything.

Karla said...

I think you are a great communicator, I missed your post that you talked about but loved your message

Robin said...

I probably read the now-deleted post, but I have no idea which one it was, and it really doesn't matter. I think you always speak with love in your heart. This weight loss business is important. The more you need to lose, the more important it is, because, as you said, your life is at stake here. It really is the difference between life and death. So how can you not talk about it with the passion that it deserves?

Since I started following your blog, I now follow a few other blogs of people who are trying to lose weight. You are definitely the most consistent. A lot of that has to do with your personal mindset. That is something that you cannot give to another person. I think a lot of people who are having trouble with their weightloss are having trouble with LOTS of things. In fact, those other things may very well have been the catalyst for the weight gain. With those other things still in play, getting rid of the weight... well, it is hard.

It is sort of like me and my migraines. The biggest cause of migraines is stress. Mine really spiralled out when I got married. Clearly, my ex-husband was very stressful. I stayed in that because I felt this need to save his children. The brain interprets pain as stress. So... by the time I divorced him I was established in a pain circle with the migraines. My immune system was history. My adrenal system was shot (which handles stress). So, any tiny bit of stress, which would normally go unnoticed, brought a migraine on. In other words, by staying in a chronically stressful situation for so long, any teeny tiny minor stress brings on a migraine. I can't find my keys. MIGRAINE. And my adrenal system can't repair itself because I can't live in a vacuum where there is no stress.

I think that maybe it is kind of like that with people on weight loss. But I could be wrong. What do I know???? You keep writing your inspiring blog. I am going to keep trying to keep getting my SSD to get well, take my vitamins, and have faith in My Idea.

Robin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...


You demonstrated grace under fire and extended mercy.

I know I would not have reacted with as much restraint and kindness as you did.

I am determined to remember your example the next time I find myself in a similar situation--and do likewise.

I'm proud to know ye.


Christine said...

Thank you deb.
funny, at church today the sermon was about crucifying our ego. It was a good one.
I needed to hear it.

Anonymous said...

While there is a great difference in those who have hundreds of pounds to lose and those who have twenty pounds to lose, the morbidly obese all have something in common - even at great weight differences. When I began this journey I was morbidly obese, but just barely in that category. Even so, I had done more damage to my body than most at that size. I am naturally prone to certain conditions (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood sugar, etc), so my obesity was certainly killing me. I haven't written this on my blog yet, but I believe that had I not changed I might already be dead.

Sometimes I feel unworthy to be considered a weight-loss blogger in the light of what Tony, Sean, Lyn, and many others have done, but then I realize that the most important thing to me is what I have done for my health, which was necessary. Like you, I hope my encouragement helps others along the way.

Sorry to hijack your post with this comment. It went a totally different direction than I intended.

Either way, we all face our struggles, we all have challenges, and it isn't easy for any of us. Those who have more to lose have to make big changes. Without it, success is difficult.

Retta said...

I find it extremely hard to delete someone off my blogroll. Even when people go through struggles, they might learn what they need to learn from it, and get going again... if they don't quit.

But it's exhausting trying to "push a rope up the street". They have to care, to try, to put in the effort. I can't do it for them. Sheesh, it's all I can do to keep ME going!

I think in our zeal to help others succeed, sometimes we do come on strong.. this IS life or death. I didn't read the deleted post you talk about. But I know this: the intention of your heart was good... this I trust.

Thank you for saying you believe I will reach my goals. For many years no one, including myself, believed in me. And today was a hard day for me, emotionally. That was so nice to read... like reading a hug. :-)


MargieAnne said...

You were wise to delete that post if only because it revealed/exposed the person on question.

You have much grace and humility in action.

I Believe though the whole purpose of that post was valid. You were filled with compassion and even maybe a little guilt that you hadn't found a way to reach that person.

Once I was counselling a person who continued with the action even against her own knowledge of the harm she was doing. When I shared this experience with my pastor he told me this story.

He was counselling over a period of time, a young man who was depressed and occasionally suicidal. They had what he believed was a helpful timeone evening. A few hours later the young man was dead by his own hand.

You can only do your best as you feel lead at the time. The consequences are not ours to bear. I do not mean that you are personally carrying a heavy burden but in all this concern for others who are obese. even morbidly so, we must remember that the responsibility lies in their own hands/minds to act or ignore, to respond or go their own destructful way.

It's got nothing to do with how wonderful a person is. Most obese people are wonderful and one of the reasons they are overweight is that they have not learned to live appropriately with their sensitive nature.

Sometimes we have to exercise tough love. How this is done on-line with strangers is difficult since we cannot read body language and respond approriately.

That is why our own stories are the most important.

I do recommend to anyone with folk telling them they are too old and it's too late for them to read my Blog. It's not all about losing weight. I like to think it's about life but I am 71 years old and will not give up aspiring to become more healthy and fit. I work at it as best I can most days. It's not always easy but it is do-able.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Hi Chris!
I enjoyed finding your blog and reading this post. I like how you keep it real. You sound like a wise and insightful woman. :)

Christine Jeske said...

It sounds like you stepped on a wasps nest somewhere, I didn't read the deleted post. But I can say I have felt like a "hopeless case" and I have pulled myself out and added years to my life. I struggle with helping instead of hurting the ones close to me that are still "stuck". I know it is a delicate BUT life or death situation and I know, as someone already said, that your heart is in the right place. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us, Chris. I love being able to come over to your blog and feel like I have someone in my corner. Someone who know what is is like to be where I have been. And someone who I know will get to her goals and continue to inspire me to reach out for mine. Love ya for that. Keep being you!

Diana P. said...

Chris- Thanks so much for this. The past week has been pretty hard for me--mostly cravings (though I have found that blogging about it does help keep my struggles in perspective), and reading your post has refocused my drive again. It IS life or death, a complete change in my life....and it is worth doing every single day, from now til my goal weight, and every day after that.
So thanks again...your posts are always so encouraging. You have a kind spirit and I think it was very considerate of you to redo this post.

Fiona said...

Great message

paulawannacracker said...

Chris, I did not read the deleted post. Wish I had. I've been one of those bloggers who posts almost daily. I struggle with the weight.It seems I lose 10 pounds and maintain for 6 months and then lose another. I realize I may have lost readers because I'm not consistently losing the weight and because I don't always make healthy food choices but I'm NEVER gonna give up. At the end of my life, I want to know that I not only lived the length of my life but th width of it as well.

Chirs, I have appreciated your honesty when you comment on my posts. I created the Award because bloggers should never under estimate the power of their words. Positve or negative. I think about Lynn from Escape from Obesity. She's battled as I for years and I've stuck with her--reading daily and she's lost nearly 100 pounds and you know what? She needed the help of medifast. When you see someone pushing forward, not giving up. How can you not root for them?

I created the award because the power of one's words can really help someone move forward. It can motivate them but in the end it's up to us to fight our way out of morbit obesity.


paulawannacracker said...

Just had to comment again. I read each comment here twice. I think its so freakin fantastic that we can have these discussions in this forum and that we can learn from one another. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Okay, I'll stop hijacking this post.