Well, I had a good day.
Today is my hubby's 42 nd birthday (I like older men lol)
I decided to have one of my high calorie days today.
i was supposed to have one last friday, but decided not to...
Because I didn't want to..
My next one was supposed to be on the 24th....So three...but I decided to just have one tonight...and skip the next one...
cause I am trying to hit 160 by the end of the month.
So, I know my husband doesn't want to go out to eat (he said as much).
I don't want to cook.
He doesn't want pork
It's all we have in the freezer right now.
He loves KFC.
It's drive thru food.
Now, In the past 11 months...I have ordered pizza.
We have gone out to dinner.
We have gone into subways...
But we haven't gone through a drive thru.
So I do my 5.6 mile hike.
And I decided to get the KFC.
I know it's okay because its my high calorie day.
But as I pulled up to the speaker..it didn't feel okay.
I felt panicked.
THIS was how I got fat.
I know I talk all the time about how nothing is really off limits.
But this felt off limits.
Like a drug addict wandering down the old alleys looking for his pusher.
I nearly left.
For the life of me, I couldn't shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kind of like TJ in the chinese restaurant.
I literally had to say out loud...
"Just so you know...this is a one time deal.
Don't you dare make this a habit."
Who I was talking to, I don't know..
I have become a food nazi in the last three months.
In the beginning, once or twice a month I allowed myself a piece of banquet chicken.
Then a few months ago...I stopped buying that and went to breaded patties.
This last month I went to unbreaded tyson grilled chicken.
I know I could have gotten grilled chicken at KFC...and I almost did.
But the thing that bothered me more than the thought of the food...
was my fear of the food.
I don't want to go from one extreme to the other.
Food is not evil.
Even fried fatty food.
Once every couple of months...lol.
Balance obi wan...
Hope everyone was good today and nobody developed a fear of fast food (nor thinks that this is how you should eat all the time) lol.