Food Nazi

Well, I had a good day.
Today is my hubby's 42 nd birthday (I like older men lol)
I decided to have one of my high calorie days today.
i was supposed to have one last friday, but decided not to...
Because I didn't want to..
My next one was supposed to be on the 24th....So three...but I decided to just have one tonight...and skip the next one...
cause I am trying to hit 160 by the end of the month.
So, I  know my husband doesn't want to go out to eat (he said as much).
I don't want to cook.
He doesn't want pork
It's all we have in the freezer right now.
He loves KFC.
It's drive thru food.
Now, In the past 11 months...I have ordered pizza.
We have gone out to dinner.
We have gone into subways...
But we haven't gone through a drive thru.
So I do my 5.6 mile hike.
And I decided to get the KFC.
I know it's okay because its my high calorie day.
But as I pulled up to the speaker..it didn't feel okay.
I felt panicked.
THIS was how I got fat.
I know I talk all the time about how nothing is really off limits.
But this felt off limits.
Like a drug addict wandering down the old alleys looking for his pusher.
I nearly left.
For the life of me, I couldn't shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kind of like TJ in the chinese restaurant.
I literally had to say out loud...
"Just so you know...this is a one time deal.
Don't you dare make this a habit."
Who I was talking to, I don't know..
I have become a food nazi in the last three months.
In the beginning, once or twice a month I allowed myself a piece of banquet chicken.
Then a few months ago...I stopped buying that and went to breaded patties.
This last month I went to unbreaded tyson grilled chicken.
I know I could have gotten grilled chicken at KFC...and I almost did.
But the thing that bothered me more than the thought of the food...
was my fear of the food.
I don't want to go from one extreme to the other.
Food is not evil.
Even fried fatty food.
Once every couple of months...lol.
Balance obi wan...
Hope everyone was good today  and nobody developed a fear of fast food (nor thinks that this is how you should eat all the time) lol.


Ice Queen said...

No... Not a fear. But a healthy disdain. :D

You rock, you know that? And I am learning from you. :D

Syl said...

Chris I just wanted to say thank you. The last sentence in the comment you posted today meant so much to me, I just wanted to let you know.
Thank you for the support!

Seth said...

I went to one auction from another and it was just around lunch time and we wanted to get there soon, but hadn't eaten. We stopped at a gas station/convenience center that has the best chicken. It was the breaded/friend/not sure kind and I was a little uneasy about it. But I lived and know that it was good, I enjoyed it - but I just can't do that everyday.

I like the line...food is not evil. how true is that.

Anonymous said...

I understand. sigh. I reposted one of my own posts today to remind myself of choosing life as opposed to food abnormality.

No matter which way you swing--you'll knock the living out of your life as you smack your head into the wall.

I have no doubt that you'll settle nicely in the middle.


Robin said...

This reminded me of when I first started the EAT RIGHT FOR YOUR TYPE diet. It was actually a great diet back when my migraines were just starting. I felt good enough to do it. Now, I don't feel good enough to buy/cook organic, etc. You can't eat out b/c you don't know what's in the food, etc. Anyway, it meant eliminating red meat from my diet entirely. I wasn't sure about the diet, but I decided to do it religiously for one month to see if it made a difference (it did). Anyway, sometime in month two I had this dream where I was at Wendy's and I ordered a cheeseburger. I paid the cashier, but I was really anxious. I ran out of the restaurant before my order came up. I knew that I just couldn't eat that burger! Too funny. I know exactly where you're coming from...

Tammy said...

Oh dear Lord i had to smell KFC yesterday....that was rough, lol. :)

Linda Pressman said...

Well, at the risk of being a fanatic :) I actually haven't had fried food for about 10 years. I had to face the fact that there were some foods that I had such a long, crazy binge history with that they had to be on my "no go" list. KFC is one of mine, as a matter of fact! It also helped that I have certain gall bladder problems that will immediately remind me of the problem if I ever decided to forget!

kellidee said...

yes it is hard to smell the best food around...but i go to wendys pretty much all the time and i just count the calories..but your doing well..kelli

deisegal said...

I know that feeling!! I'm not really keen on things like McDonalds, KFC etc because I KNOW I'll be ravenous an hour or so later from the empty calories. It's getting takeaways from the "chipper" (don't know if you'd have any equivalent in the US...the chips/fries are much bigger and so greasy they stick together....). Sometimes the "horrible" voice kicks in in my head saying "just keep eating because you'll be able to purge it later". Would love to just eat my fill then say "that's it, you're full" but haven't gotten to that stage yet....

Vagabonds Mercantile said...

I do have fear of fast food, haven't touched it in months.
I took a friend to Applebees for her birthday and it took me forever to order because I was afraid of everything.
I settled on a salad of which I pulled half the stuff off and ate without dressing. Eating out is no longer fun for me.

Putz said...

don't worry chris, we all know you by now and and want the best for you which mya occasssionally be a piece of that great chicken>>>above comment>>>.eating out should be fun for you>>>i get so hungry when i blog to you sweettteee

Helen said...

I love that you said food is not evil. It's neither inherintly either good or bad. It just is. What we DO with it makes all the difference.

Melissa said...

I hope you enjoyed it. You deserve it.

River said...

Happy Birthday to your Hubby!
and I think you should try to enjoy this change a little. It's a process and it'll settle down sooner or later. But you are doing great!!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

Once you develop new habits you do kind of find yourself in the Food Nazi category. KFC is pretty much off limits for me and their "healthy selections" aren't very appetizing.

Christine Jeske said...

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda

I think fear and ignorance led me to my biggest size and I think fear is what has been holding me at 150 lbs for the past 3 months.

Thank you, oh wise Chris, for allowing me to be your Padowan learner. ♥

Tara said...

Jack in the box is still my nemesis. I often walk by and shake my fist at Jack.

I've never really been into KFC and those Double Downs just scare me.

Kim said...

I know what you mean Chris. I'm filled with dread anytime I know there's a possibility that I might have to stop by one of those places...especially KFC b/c there's just not much good to eat there. Fortunately, it's not really near my house...I'd have to drive out of the way even if I was running errands to get to it. When my friends wanted to eat at McD's the other day, I tried to talk them out of it, but play area trumps mexican or italian when there's kids and women who just want to be left alone to chat. lol. I think you handled it well. I think a little fear of those places is a good thing. ;)