One pound One hundred times...

162 lbs. size 12 Photos taken by Amber

1.) One hundred pounds ago...
I believed I would always be fat.
Now I KNOW I will always be thin.
How? Because the first belief was based on my sense of victimhood.
My new knowledge is based on my year long quest to prove to myself that I am able.
That I control my body, and that my body does not control me.

2.) One hundred pounds ago, I watched four to five hours of tv a day.

I lived vicariously through others.

Now, I watch none and live my own life, fully.

3.) One hundred pounds ago, I feared grocery shopping and doing any other physical activity on the same day. Just shopping would wipe me out.

Now, I go to the gym and work out for an hour and a half, go grocery shopping, unload the groceries and then clean the kitchen and organize the pantry. And still have energy.

4.) One hundred pounds ago, I used to dread walking the quarter mile between my daughters' two favorite playgrounds.

In fact, I wouldn't. I made excuses.

Now I walk a 5.6 mile loop...and the last little bit passes by those two parks.

5.) One hundred pounds ago..When my kids wanted to go to the nature center and take a hike, I would tell them I was too busy (even when I wasn't) .

Their dad would take them and I would stay home planning school or paying bills.

This past Saturday, I took my kids to the park last weekend and did a two mile nature hike with them, where we saw turtles, and red winged blackbirds and geese.

While My husband was home taking a nap.

6.) One hundred pounds ago, I used to go to the movie theatre and worry about fitting in the seat. I would get a large popcorn and a soda and endure what I felt were the judgemental stares of other people.

Now-I fit in that seat with enough room to sit indian style, I know...I did it. I get a diet coke and a small popcorn with no butter but extra popcorn salt.

7.) One hundred pounds ago, I was in a size 24.  Now I am in a size 12.
And as for those fat pants...I burned every d*mned one.

8.) One hundred pounds ago, I would eat in my car and hide the fast food bags.

Now- If I want to enjoy a high calorie meal, I eat it in front of people and relish it.

And I Have Absolutely No Shame.

9.)One hundred pounds ago, I always took seconds at meals...always.

Now, I never take seconds, ever.

10.) One hundred pounds ago, I had three colors in my closet grey, black and beige

Now, I have a rainbow in my closet...current favorite color...coral.

11.) One hundred pounds ago my stomach would almost touch my steering wheel of my van in the drivers seat.

Now, I've got room for me and my eight year old sitting on my lap.

12.) One hundred pounds ago, I thought dressing up would be like putting lipstick on a pig.

Now, I never leave the house in the morning without lip gloss and mascara...at the least.

13.) One hundred pounds ago, I dressed to disappear.

Now, I dress to impress.

14.) One hundred pounds ago I had a negative tape running in my head 24/7...It said "Your fat, Your ugly, Your stupid...Your not worth loving."

Now, I have a tape in my head that says "You can do this! your fantastic! your strong and capable and D*mn, Your husband is a lucky man! lol

(Let me just stop right here and say that if you have a hate filled tape playing in your head, shred it and record a new, positive tape...until you get rid of that voice..it will kill your motivation to be and do better.)

15.) One hundred pounds ago, people never looked me in the eye.

Now, I have people saying Hi to me on a regular basis...I have stopped being invisible.

16.) One hundred pounds ago, I never made time for my health.

Now, It's my first priority.

17.) One hundred pounds ago, veggies were a decoration on my plate.

Now, they are the main dish.

18.) One hundred pounds ago, I drank a pot of coffee a day.

Now, I drink two cups.

19.) One hundred pounds ago, My mom was so worried she wrote a letter to Richard simmons...No, I'm not kidding.

Now, My mom is asking me for dieting advice because I weigh less than her.

20.) One hundred pounds ago, I was the fattest mom at my daughter's homeschool enrichment course.

Recently, I ran into one of those moms and had to introduce myself because she didn't recognize me...and when she did she said "WOW, you have lost A LOT OF WEIGHT...You look FANTASTIC!"

21.)One hundred pounds ago, I would give the stink eye to skinny women in public places who hemmed and hawed over their caloric choices...

Yesterday, as I stood in line and was hemming and hawing over a candy bar..I look up and there is an overweight bagger giving me the slack jawed, I can't believe her, what would a candy bar do to her, stink eye look I used to give. SO, Now, I get the stink eye, and I couldn't be happier....lol.

22.) One hundred pounds ago, I was so ashamed of my weight that I avoided having photos taken of me.

Now, I voluntarily post body shots on my public blog which is viewed by at least 200 people I have never met.

23.) One hundred pounds ago, I couldn't walk up steps without getting winded.

Now, I can run up the stairs without noticing-if I forgot something.

Speaking of stairs...

24.) One hundred pounds ago, I would send my kids upstairs for things I needed.

Now, I only ask if they are up there...if not, I get it myself...because it isn't hard.

25.) One hundred pounds ago, When I was at the park I would sit on the bench and watch my kids play.

Now, I play tag and outrun them.

26.) One hundred pounds ago, I wouldn't go to the pool because I didn't want to get into a bathing suit that had gotten way too tight...

Now, I am looking forward to buying a new bathing suit and going swimming, because the one I had gotten too 'big' for, is now too big for me (size 16).

27.) One hundred pounds ago, I felt old and tired.

Now, I feel young and alive.

28.) One hundred pounds ago, I felt depressed and hopeless.

Now, I feel happy and expectant.

29.) One hundred pounds ago, I was afraid to meet people and stand out.

Now, I am a girl scout troop leader.

30.) One hundred pounds ago I couldn't tell you what made me happy.

Now, I make myself happy.

31.) One hundred pounds ago, my past still had a grip on me.

Now, I have dug up the crap and cleared out my coop. My past no longer has a hold on me.

I win.

32.) One hundred pounds ago, I felt like I controlled nothing.

Now I know that the keys to life are all in my hands...I just have to use them.

33.) One hundred pounds ago, food was an enemy, a friend, a comforter, an excuse, a solace, a shield.

Now, It's fuel.

34.)One hundred pounds ago, someone compared me to Roseanne barr.

Now, they ask my daughter if she has an older sister.

35.) One hundred pounds ago I wouldn't buy tie shoes cause they had gotten too hard to tie without contortions....

Now, I tie my running shoes for a three mile jog
.

36.) One hundred pounds ago, I wore sweatpants because they let me eat more..

Now, i wear sweatpants so I can move more.

37) One hundred pounds ago, Just walking got my heart beating hard.

Now, I can go one hour on an elliptical and barely clear fat burning at 137 beats per minute.

38.) One hundred pounds ago climbing on a step ladder was a big deal...

Now I can turn, and using my hands...hop onto the counter without any step ladder in sight.

39.) One hundred pounds ago, I lived with a fear that was crippling me, a fear of men. Now I am

taking that fear in hand by going to self defense classes.

40.) One hundred pounds ago, I had ulcers on my feet and fugly toenails because I couldn't reach them to clip them.
Now, I Have healthy feet and (currently) fire engine red toenails.

41.) One hundred pounds ago, I wore an overshirt everywhere I went...thinking it concealed my extra weight.

Now, I have a shirt that shows some cleavage...lol.

42.) One hundred pounds ago, I had excuses.

Now I have blog posts.

43.) One hundred pounds ago, I felt inferior.

Now I feel equal.

44.) One hundred pounds ago, I kept my feelings stuffed down with food.

Now I feel them.

45.) Then-When my oldest daughter was about 7 years old, she told me (after I encouraged her to finish her breakfast) "You just want me to be fat like you."

Recently, My youngest told me that she wanted to be me for halloween.. When I asked her what kind of costume that would entail...heart in my chest...she told me she would need running shoes and exercise clothes so she could run door to door....cause that's what I do, run.

46.) One hundred pounds ago, my husband treated me more like a buddy than a girl.

Now He can't keep his hands to himself.

47.) One hundred pounds ago I got my clothes from goodwill and maybe from Walmart..I found what fit and quit. Now, I shop...I try things on to see if they look good. I wear cute clothes.

48.) One hundred pounds ago, I never did my hair. I would comb it and slap it into a pony tail maybe....that is it...I didn't bother to get it trimmed...colored...nothing.

Now, I color it, I have it cut, and every morning before I leave the house I make sure it's done.

49.) 100 pounds ago, my identity was mom.

Now, I am Chris. Yes, I am mom, and a wife...but I am also me....a seperate person with hopes and dreams.

50.) One hundred pounds ago, I never thought about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
Now, I think about my plans for the future...and am excited.

51.) One hundred pounds ago, I never asked for valentines day cards or birthday presents or attention.

On this last valentines day, I told my husband that not getting gifts or flowers was no longer acceptable. I wanted something....even if he were to pick some flowers.

And, I got a gift for my birthday without having to buy it for myself. ;o).

52.) 100 pounds ago, no was no to me...no matter how unfair or ridiculous..Now, If I think something is complete and utter bs, I say something.

53.) 100 pounds ago, I was always trying to make myself 'useful'....I didn't trust that anyone would actually want to just hang out with me.

Now, I am myself and have learned how to say NO. I trust people will understand and want to be my friend because of who I am and not how useful I am.

54.) 100 pounds ago I ate my anger.

Now, I have learned how to express it in a constructive fashion.

55.) 100 pounds ago, I thought I was low key and mellow..

Now I know better.

56.) 100 pounds ago I couldn't tell you what was on the radio, music wise.

Now I listen to all the new artists because I workout to Fm radio and rediscovered my love of music.

57.) 100 pounds ago I put my art away and never thought I would draw again.

Now, I pulled it out and am drawing again.

58.) 100 pounds ago I felt dead inside.

now, I feel like living....every minute. And squeezing life like a lemon till I get every last drop.

59.) 100 pounds ago I felt I didn't have much to say.

Now, I write on a blog daily.

60.) 100 pounds ago, I had a hard time breathing while flat on my back.

Now, I have no problem breathing laying down....or standing up...or doing jumping jacks..or jogging....

61.) 100 pounds ago I had heart palpitations at any old time....bad ones...

Now, I don't.

62.) 100 pounds ago I resented other people's carefree attitude.

Now, I have one...

63.) 100 pounds ago I was a pessimist about life.

I thought it made me 'realistic'.

Now, I am an optimist...reality is created.

64.) 100 lbs ago, I was waiting for some outside force to make my life better. Thinking it was where I lived, or my home or whatever...that was making me unhappy...when It was me.

Now, I am making my life better one choice at a time. And so can you.

65.) 100 lbs ago I was trying to be the image of the perfect mother and the perfect wife....

Now, I try to be the perfect version of me. God made me, and he don't make junk.

66.) 100 lbs ago I kept all the funny, snarky, and silly stuff I thought inside bundled up tight....People thought I was a very serious person (unless they were very close friends or family)

Now, I let my little mouth shine.

67.) 100 lbs ago I would dream I was thin only to wake up fat.

Now, I dream I'm thin and wake up...thin.

68.) 100 lbs ago, I would walk into Walmart and stroll through the 'normal' section and think "I'll never fit in those clothes."

Now I shop there.

(all you gals who know what I am talking about raise your hand)

69.) 100 lbs ago I couldn't find a towel big enough to wrap all the way around me without gapping at the bottom.

Now all my towels wrap around me.

70.) 100 lbs ago I displaced alot more bath water then I do now.

Now, my water bills are higher. lol.

80.) 100 lbs ago, sitting would hurt my ribs because my belly fat shoved up into them.

Now, not an issue. Although my butt hurts cause it's bonier...lol.

81.) 100 lbs ago I had cankles (N. calf-ankles)

Now I have calves, and ankles..nuff said.

82.) 100 lbs ago I had three chins.

Now I have one.

83.) 100 lbs ago, I had doors slammed in my face.

Now men hold them open for me...fair? no...true? absolutely.

84.) 100 lbs ago, I was outside gardening when a group of boys went by in a car and made rude sounds.

recently, I was walking and a young man asked me if I wanted to see a trick...then He jumped three objects in the road..on his skateboard....Then he asked me what I thought...

Then his buddies started making smart comments about impressing the pretty 'girl'.

I thought about telling him I was old enough to be his mother...but let it lie...*snicker*

85.) 100 lbs ago men yelled rude things from their vehicles...things like moo...

Now men yell rude things like 'nice @ss"

86.) 100 lbs ago I loved to dance but was too big to really move.

Now I can crank out the moves.

87.) 100 pounds ago, My fat was my shield against my fears.
Now, My hands are.

88.) 100 lbs ago I avoided mirrors like the plague.
Now I try to see my reflection as I walk past store fronts, trying to get used to what I am seeing.

In desperation chris seeks out family members to complete her list....be back...currently skulking...

89.) 100 lbs ago my husband said I looked sick...
Now he says I look pretty...when inquiring as to whether that meant I was ugly before he replied quickly, 'prettier' (he hasn't been married for 17 years for no reason)...and my boobs look "better' cause the rest of me is smaller..and he can see them better.
(told you he was a romantic.)

90.) My oldest daughter says
100 pounds ago i was more 'agitated'...???
Now I am nicer...(I am in a better mood)
And when I said agitated..she heaved a sigh and said in an agitated tone...YES...AGITATED.

lol.

91.) My youngest said to me...
You never used to jump, now you jump..
you never used to run, now you run...
you never used to play, now you play...
It's kind of weird. but it's fun. I'll have to get used to it.

92.) My good freind Amber said
You used to come over and sit the whole time when you visited..
Now you stand.

93.) 100 lbs ago I had a very limited view of what I was capable of...
Now my opinion of my potential has expanded to just about limitless.

94.) 100 lbs ago I based my worth on my weight.
Now I base my worth on who I know I am as a whole person.

95.) 100 lbs ago I was tired when I woke up and tired all day long.
Now, I am tired after I work out...but only for a bit...

96.) 100 lbs ago I had a hard time getting off the couch without pushing myself with my arms.
Now, I can do 210 situps in under 10 minutes.

97.) 100 lbs ago, I prayed my daughters wouldn't grow up to be like me...
Now I wouldn't mind.

98.) 100 lbs ago I wondered if I would be here to see my daughters grow up and get married.
Now I have greatly improved my chances of seeing that happen.

99.) 100 lbs ago I would explain why I didn't work out and couldn't lose weight...
Now when I see people who know I have lost 100 lbs. they are explaining to me why they can't lose weight....lol.

100.) 100 lbs ago the thought of writing a post detailing how my life had changed after losing 100 lbs wouldn't have occurred to me...because I was a different person.  I have a vague memory of her...but it's almost like I shed my evil twin. I can't recall really what my thought processes were...but I do know that somewhere along the way, how I view the world...How I view challenges, and opportunites and new activities and people and possibilities is 180 degrees different.
It's like the day I stood there in build a bear flipped a switch that began a process that changed my life.
I will never be the same person.
I am so happy and thankful that happened.
I am so happy and thankful that 11 months ago I put down the food and picked up a life.
I hope you can look within yourself, see that you are worth it and move forward and never look back.
One hundred pounds seems like alot..it looks impossible when you begin.
But really...It's just one pound.
One hundred times.
On  to Goal,
Hugs.....
Chris